


Deeper Currents

by nightbirdssidekick



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Glee
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Coming Out, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Past Suicide Attempt, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightbirdssidekick/pseuds/nightbirdssidekick
Summary: After ruining his relationship with his boyfriend Kurt, Blaine Anderson is stuck in a dark place. Things start to change when he crosses paths with Alex Standall, the mysterious new guitarist of McKinley’s school band.
Relationships: Alex Standall & Jessica Davis, Blaine Anderson & Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson/Alex Standall, One-sided Sebastian Smythe/Blaine Anderson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This crossover picks up after the Klaine break-up (early season 4 of Glee) and sometime after Alex’s suicide attempt (post season 1 of 13RW). Rudimentary knowledge of both series may be helpful, but it’s probably not required.
> 
> UPDATE (December 2020): I’m a little late to my own party, but I'd like to share a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7s44M8GfPHiTOzpral9Nd6?si=GCOQtX-bSl-BBDaoJ2_CTw) of the music mentioned in this story (more or less in chronological order).

It had been almost two months since Blaine’s voice had failed him while singing _Teenage Dream_ in a crowded karaoke bar in New York. Two months since Blaine had confessed to Kurt what he’d done - hooked up with a guy who didn’t mean anything to him and whom he would probably never see again. Two months since Kurt had told him that he would never be able to forgive him.

On several occasions, Blaine had tried to win Kurt back, but to no avail. He was sure now, it was over. Blaine still couldn’t believe that he had destroyed the most important thing in his life within minutes of mindless delirium.

Ever since, Blaine had been in a state of self-hatred and boundless misery. He still went to the Glee Club meetings every Thursday, but he wasn’t in the mood for singing. He just sat in the back row and watched his friends perform songs, mainly about love and happiness, which he didn’t understand anymore. Blaine’s friends tried to cheer him up with sympathetic smiles, mostly without success. Even if they hadn’t known what had happened, the constant pain written all over his face was plain to see.

This particular night at the end of November, Tina and Sam had dragged Blaine to Breadstix for dinner. Sure, it had been a bad idea to go to that restaurant, too many memories of Kurt lingering in the air. Yet, his friends were outdoing themselves trying to distract him from his enduring affliction.

They had started to discuss new themes for future Glee Club meetings and came up with, admittedly, some good ideas. Blaine, however, didn’t have anything to contribute. In the previous weeks, he hadn’t been listening to anything other than pitiful classic rock ballads and even the odd frustrated post-grunge song which had made him realize that screaming was actually a valid form of singing, at least when you’re in pain, hating the world and most of all yourself.

“Queen!” Tina yelled suddenly, jumped up in excitement and accidentally bumped against the table, almost spilling their drinks. “They have so many good songs and Freddie Mercury was one of the best singers and song-writers of all time! I know we’ve already sung some of their songs, but we should do a whole session of Queen songs!” She looked at Blaine with a wide, expectant smile, waiting for his reaction.

Blaine hadn’t really been listening and Tina seemed clearly disappointed when she saw his baffled look. Luckily, Sam chimed in to save the situation. “I think that’s a pretty dope idea. I’d love to do something like... _We Are the Champions_. Couldn’t we even use that for some halftime show with the Cheerios someday?” Sam looked at his friend for approval, but Blaine only shrugged his shoulders and quickly took a sip of his coke so he wouldn’t have to answer right away. Sam squeezed his eyes together as he looked at Blaine thoughtfully. “They also have the perfect song for you,” he said eventually with a teasing smile.

“And that would be...?” Blaine asked listlessly. He wasn’t looking forward to singing anything in public anytime soon. Singing would reveal even more of his pain to the world.

“ _The Show Must Go On_!” Sam replied with a smirk as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s the perfect song for you, just think about it!”

Blaine responded to Sam’s revelation with a frown and mumbled, “I don’t know... I don’t know if I want to sing any solos right now.”

“Dude, think about it, seriously,” Sam said with a convinced look on his face, trying to wave Blaine’s doubts aside. “Freddie went through a super dark time when he wrote the song, he must have been even a lot more miserable than you right now.”

Blaine snorted with indignation at the comparison, but Sam continued, “Yet, he realized that he couldn’t let himself be dragged down until the end of his life. He knew that he had to stay strong and fight. Even if he didn’t overcome his disease, your rough patch can be overcome, trust me. I think you should work on this song, internalize the message and make your performance the start of a new era.” Sam looked at Blaine wistfully and sighed, “We really miss our happy-go-lucky Blaine.” Tina’s face mirrored Sam’s words as she nodded quietly.

Blaine lowered his gaze to the half-empty plate of pasta. For the past 20 minutes, he had only been playing around with his fork on the plate, moving noodles from left to right and back. For weeks, he hadn’t had much of an appetite and had to force himself to eat at all. He had stopped singing, he didn’t even feel like humming to the sad songs he was listening to. He had stopped paying attention to his wardrobe, since clothes and fashion reminded him too much of Kurt, who had also picked out most of his newest clothes. He didn’t even care to style his hair anymore. The gel was no longer there to tame his curls that were falling into his face as he continued to look down.

_The Show Must Go On_... Of course, his friends were right. Blaine hadn’t been himself lately. Even his mother, who usually didn’t care much about him, was worried enough to set up an appointment with a shrink for him. He shuddered at the thought of it because the therapy session was only two weeks away. He had been letting himself go completely, but maybe, yeah, maybe he had it in him to dig himself out of the black hole in which he had fallen.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “I mean... I guess you guys are right. I should just get over it... over Kurt. But it’s really hard. He is... _was_ my first love and just can’t believe this really happened. And I did it. It’s all my fault.” He cringed and finally looked up to Tina and Sam. “Okay, I’ll try,” he concluded half-heartedly.

Tina and Sam grinned at each other, obviously happy to hear that their friend was willing to at least try to take a first step back into life. Tina offered Blaine a warm smile and grabbed his free hand. “That’s awesome, Blaine. We’ll tell Mr. Schue about the idea first thing after the Thanksgiving break. I’m sure he’ll agree. Who can say no to a Queen week? I’m sure you’ll totally rock that song!”

Blaine still couldn’t imagine that this plan would help him in any way, but at least preparing the song would give him something to do. He felt a little, unexpected spark of optimism. Maybe there would be a way to make it out of his misery. Up until now, music had helped him through everything and he wanted to believe that music wouldn’t let him down now, in his darkest hour.

* * *

Alex was sitting on his desk chair, strumming a few chords on his electric guitar and occasionally noting a chord sequence down. He was so lost in the sound of his strings that he didn’t hear the quiet knock on his bedroom door. His mother poked her head in and smiled when she saw her son so focused on what he liked to do best. “Hey,” she said softly, “I wanted to ask you if everything’s alright at school. How have you been doing?” She sat down on his bed.

Alex let out a sigh, not without an air of frustration. “Mom, you still ask me that every other week. You sound like a broken record. We moved to Lima more than a year ago and, believe it or not, I have acclimatized to Ohio and to McKinley. Actually, I’m practicing for the school band right now.”

Half-way through his first year at McKinley High School, Alex had heard about the school band. It mainly supported the Glee Club and didn’t throw many gigs on its own, but it was a band after all. Alex couldn’t believe his luck when their guitarist flunked out in the middle of the school year and he was chosen to take his place after a successful try-out. It had certainly helped him a lot to settle in at his new school.

Even though the Glee kids didn’t really notice the members of the band, let alone talk to them, the guys playing with Alex turned out to be a pretty nice bunch of music nerds. He hit it off with them from the start and they were thankful for his input. They had to play covers 99 percent of the time, but two of the guys had recently started to talk to him about a side project, an actual band with their own music. Alex was genuinely excited about that prospect and worked every minute of his free time on ideas for original songs.

Of course, Alex had told his mother about the band and she was happy about how much it seemed to help with his _progress_. Her constant inquiries about his well-being got on his nerves, but to be fair, she had every right to be worried. He had troubled her pretty badly. His family had moved to Lima because of him after all. His parents had given up their old jobs for him. His brother had gone off to college, but even he had picked Ohio State to be close to the family. All because of him, because he hadn’t been able to put up with the world and especially himself anymore.

Alex’s mother stood up from the bed, walked over to him, stroked his blond hair and looked at him fondly. “I know, sweetie, but you know that it’s important for me to know that you’re doing well. You know that you can talk to your dad and to me about everything, right?”

Alex sighed, but couldn’t hold back a smile. “Yeah, mom, I know. But right now, I just don’t have anything to talk about. I guess that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” he said grinning up to her and she seemed to be satisfied with his response, or at least with the relaxed expression on his face.

“I guess it is,” she replied before leaving the room. “Don’t forget dinner over your music. It’ll be ready soon.” Alex watched her as she closed the door. Before he could shift his attention back to his guitar, his mind went back to what he’d just said.

Alex had spoken the truth. He was currently pretty much at peace with himself. Somehow, he had managed to leave the demons back in Crestmont, or at least, to send them back there after numerous months of therapy and settling into his new life in the Midwest.

His parents hadn’t been sure if this whole unfamiliar setting and the new school would have a negative effect on him, or if it was exactly what he needed for his healing. His mother’s sister lived in Lima and whenever they had visited in the past, it had seemed like a nice place to be. Boring, but kind of nice.

Apparently, that was exactly what he had needed because, to his own surprise, he’d started to feel better. Maybe, at the beginning, he hadn’t felt _better_ right away, but at least he had started to feel _something_ again. Music and the band contributed a large part to that improvement.

Alex had to acknowledge that he was very much at ease with himself right now. Although... was he really? Yes, he was. Wasn’t it normal that every now and then strange thoughts and unknown feelings appeared whenever he least expected them? He was in Junior Year after all, still a teenager, still searching for... himself or whatever.

At this thought, memories from Glee practice flashed through his mind. He had to admit that there was an unsolved mystery going on. He mostly tried not to think about incomprehensible things that happened to him, but, every now and then, he was reminded of them and his mind didn’t know how to interpret them.

Some time after he had started to play for the Glee Club, Alex had developed a weird fascination with one of the singers. At first, he hadn’t even noticed himself looking over automatically every once in a while. But when he’d started to actually _stare_ , especially when that person was singing, he’d realized that he was behaving like an idiot and had to come to his senses. As much as it puzzled him, the fascination had never gone away. Actually, it had recently intensified because of a significant change.

Alex closed his eyes and strummed a few notes on his guitar. He hadn’t heard the singer’s voice in a while. He missed it, a lot. A sudden urge made him set the guitar aside, sit down at his desk and open his laptop. He went to YouTube, searched for “New Directions” and clicked on the most recent video from Nationals earlier this year.

There they were, the Glee Club members, dancing and singing their hearts out. There were two members who immediately caught his attention. They were dancing a little closer to each other than the others. They were looking at each other a little more passionately than the others. They were incredible together. And that’s how Alex used to think of them, an inseparable union, not only on the big stage, but also during every Glee practice. In fact, maybe Alex wasn’t only fascinated with one of them, he was actually smitten by both of them, or maybe by what they had.

Alex was all the more confused to only see one half of the couple back at school after the summer. Of course, the absent half had graduated and the present half had been looking crushed and heart-broken ever since. Luckily, the present half was the gorgeous one, the one Alex secretly enjoyed to look at. Because... yeah, why? Because of those warm, honey-colored eyes, those full, sensual lips, that compact, athletic body. Earlier this year, also because of that enchanting voice, that captivating spark in enamored eyes and that seducing smile – of course always directed to the other half. More recently, because of that haunting, beautifully painful expression.

His fascination with the singer was a mystery to him, but for several months now, Alex hadn’t been able to get rid of it, on the contrary. Every week, he was secretly looking forward to the next Glee practice. Maybe he would finally get to hear that mesmerizing voice again. YouTube wasn’t doing it for Alex. He needed the real thing, the intimacy of sound waves produced by those golden vocal cords in the same room, entering his body through his ears, resounding through his body cells all the way to his heart.

Alex closed his laptop and picked up the guitar again with a frustrated sigh. Whatever, he thought. There was no way the singer would ever notice him. Alex was part of the _band_ , a mere backdrop behind the protagonists. The other half might be gone, but that didn’t mean Alex would suddenly be seen. Those honey-brown eyes were much too sad to see anything. Alex tried to focus on the chords again and decided that, during the next Glee practice, he would not look at _him_.


	2. Chapter 2

It hadn’t taken much to convince the Glee Club’s teacher, Mr. Schue, of Queen week. His fondness of classic rock was widely known among his students. The only challenge had been to make him change some plans, so Queen week could come sooner.

Tina and Sam were set on helping Blaine get over his heartbreak as soon as possible. They’d also had to consider that Queen’s music might be a challenge for the band and they had to give the musicians some time to prepare the songs as well. Tina was happy to see that the band seemed excited about Queen week, too, when she met them during their band practice to hand over the sheet music.

Blaine, however, wasn’t as excited, but rather terrified. He thought that his friends were putting much too high expectations in a song, as if a song was able to help him break free. A couple of days before the Queen session, he sat down on his bed and tried to internalize the lyrics as Sam had suggested.

At first sight, the words seemed depressing, painting a dire, hopeless picture of life, but there were a few contrasting lines that caught his attention and made him think. Yes, Freddie Mercury had probably written the song in a lot of pain and frustration, but he’d managed to lay the actual focus of the song on the few sun rays peeking through the dark clouds, on hope, optimism, and resilience.

Blaine stretched out flat on his back, clutching the lyrics sheets to his heart and quietly humming the melody of the song. He hadn’t done that a while. It was nice to feel his vocal cords vibrate again and after a while he began to sing a few lines that he had already memorized. It felt soothing to get his feelings out like that, even the pain. He sat back up, grabbed his iPod from the nightstand, scrolled through the recently added songs and hit _play_.

Taking in the first dramatic notes of _The Show Must Go On_ , he realized how his breathing slowed and he relaxed. When he started to sing, he felt like his insides were melting, in a good way. He poured it all out, the desperation and the hurt, and a wave of relief flooded him. He put all his passion into the song and imagined himself breaking free from his sad inner prison of negative emotions.

Even though he still felt uncomfortable thinking about the fact that all Glee members would plainly see his vulnerability during the performance, Blaine started to believe that he could regard the song as part of a desperately needed new beginning.

For the first time in a while, Blaine felt like talking to somebody, grabbed his phone and called Sam.

“What’s up, dude?” Sam replied no more than 10 seconds later, seemingly surprised about the call.

“Hey Sam. I just practiced the song a bit and I have to say, it felt pretty good. I think you guys are right. Singing does help and I guess it’s high time for me to get my shit together.”

When Sam replied with a happy “Attaboy!”, Blaine couldn’t help but smile. He was finally starting to get a little bit optimistic. Maybe he would find a way to mend his broken heart. He had just found the first piece and put it back into place by realizing that he hadn’t lost _everything_. He still had his friends and he had music.

* * *

Just like on every Thursday, Alex couldn’t wait for his last class to end and Glee practice to start. When math class was finally over, he shouldered his guitar case and walked over to the other side of the school building, maybe a little faster than necessary.

As he walked through the door of the choir room, he realized that he was the first band member to arrive. He looked around and found the room empty except for one other person in the far corner of the room. He lowered his gaze quickly, muttered a shy “Hi” and walked over to his spot to set up his gear. The only other person already in the room was... _him_.

The other boy didn’t even notice him. He seemed to be consumed by the lyrics on the sheet of paper in his hand, quietly singing the Queen song he was about to perform. Alex was hit by a strong surge of excitement and disappointment at the same time. It was the first time that he was alone in a room with him. Usually, the boy was accompanied by the other half, or at least by his friends. But of course, he didn’t even notice Alex in an empty room.

It was the Glee kids’ usual ignorance that Alex normally didn’t care about, but, this time, it stung. He should have known. This boy had been blind to everything but his other half as long as the other half had been at Glee Club meetings with him. Had Alex really expected that this blindness would just go away? Had he really expected Blaine to notice him? Alex thought to himself he would bet his guitar that _Blaine_ didn’t know his name, even though Alex had joined the school band almost a year ago.

Thankfully, the other band members gradually started to walk in and Alex was saved from his frustrated thoughts for now.

“So Alex, have you actually managed to learn all those crazy guitar solos?” Josh, the brand’s drummer, asked him curiously.

“Hmm yeah, I guess,” Alex replied, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t really want to get your hopes up, but I think I won’t fuck up too many of them.” With a last look at Blaine, who was joined by his friends now, Alex let out a sigh, put the guitar strap over his shoulders and started to tune his strings.

After the first few performances, Alex was indeed satisfied with his solos. Every now and then, he missed a note or two when his concentration slipped because he stole a quick look at Blaine in the back row.

Blaine was moving his head and tapping his foot to the rhythm of the songs. He hadn’t done that in a while, Alex noticed. After Tina’s song, Blaine even broke into a genuine smile and joined in the other Glee kids’ enthusiastic applause. Obviously, Blaine had prepared a song, too, and Alex had to admit to himself that he was awfully excited about the upcoming performance.

Blaine was the last performer of the session and it turned out that he would be the one singing _The Show Must Go On_ , a song that hit Alex uncomfortably close to home because he had heard his parents listen to the song a couple of times after he had almost wrecked it all. On top of that, the guitar solo was a beast and he wasn’t sure if he had actually conquered it yet.

When Blaine got up and walked down the steps to the front of the class, Alex could sense the other boy’s tension. It took Blaine a while to look up and face the audience with a strained look on his face.

He finally cleared his throat as if he intended to give a speech. After a last deep inhale, he said with a surprisingly steady voice, “As you all know, I’ve been going through a rough patch and I didn’t really feel like singing for a while.” His eyes found Tina and Sam. “But there is a moment when you say to yourself...” Blaine paused, his gaze suddenly frozen. After a few weird seconds, he collected himself and continued. “There is a moment when you say to yourself, life goes on. The show must go on. I want to thank my friends for reminding me of that.”

Alex was so lost in observing the scene that he winced in surprise when Kyle started to hit the keys of his keyboard next to him. Okay, get your shit together, he thought to himself and managed not to miss his cue. Still, he was completely distracted by the voice he hadn’t heard in weeks. Blaine seemed to pour every feeling that had built up inside him into the song. His face reflected the raw emotion that his voice carried through the air straight to his captivated audience’s ears.

Fuck, Alex thought, how the hell am I supposed to play the solos _now_? When it was his turn, it took him all he had to focus on his guitar. While he played the first solo, he focused his gaze on the neck of his instrument. Images of Blaine’s body moving to his solo flashed through his mind, but he couldn’t risk a look, or he would fuck it all up.

When Blaine joined in again to sing the bridge, Alex realized how intimate making music together could be. In his head, he pictured how Blaine’s voice wound itself around Alex’s chords like a dancer. Even if Blaine would never take notice of him, the song gave Alex the feeling that Blaine was incredibly close to him, they were literally in harmony.

Right after Alex finished the last solo, he couldn’t keep his eyes from taking a brief look at Blaine and - Alex froze. He caught Blaine shooting a very quick, but seemingly encouraging smile at him.

That. Was. It. Within seconds, Alex completely forgot all the chords that he had carefully memorized and frantically searched the sheet music in front of him for the part of the song they were at. After a few beats, he was back where he was supposed to be, but a wave of embarrassment washed over him. He briefly looked at Kyle next to him who gave him a smirk that was obviously meant to ask, What the fuck was that, man?

When the song came to an end, Blaine seemed evidently relieved and, to some extent, even a bit happy. The audience honored Blaine’s performance with a lot of applause and he thankfully bowed for them. When he straightened himself, he surprised Alex with another brief smile and thumbs up before he took the few steps back to his chair in the back row.

Alex was too slow to show any reasonable reaction to Blaine’s unexpected gestures. Instead of replying with a smile or an acknowledging nod or _anything_ , he froze again and then cowardly avoided Blaine’s gaze, feeling himself blush – what the hell?! He quickly pretended to tune his guitar.

“Awesome, guys!” Mr. Schue exclaimed, clapping his hands. “You were all fantastic! Blaine, that was incredible! And thanks a lot to the band!” The Glee kids applauded again and apparently not only for themselves, but for the band as well – a rare moment.

Alex dared to look at Blaine again and caught him smile directly at him. This time, Alex managed to keep his countenance and respond with a timid smile. Apparently, he had made an impression this time. For all Alex knew, it was the first time Blaine had ever noticed him. Apparently, he had to thank his guitar for that.

“Not bad, Alex,” Josh said and dropped his hand on Alex’s shoulder as the other band members started to pack up and the Glee kids to leave the choir room. “You really killed the solos! Listen, Kyle and I were talking and we think it would be great if we could meet up on Saturday to jam a little and talk about _our_ band a bit more. We still have to figure out if we really want Eric to play bass and who’s gonna take over the vocals as long as we don’t have a lead singer.”

Alex nodded and replied, “Sure, I’m free on Saturday. You guys can come over. My parents said we can use our basement as a permanent rehearsal space.”

Josh seemed happy to hear that. “Aces! Your folks are the best. I’m gonna bring my drum set over. My mom will be stoked when I don’t have to practice in my room anymore.”

Alex couldn’t but smile at the thought. “Yeah, I guess my parents are willing to put up with a lot for me.” He put his guitar back into its case and tried to steal a last glance at Blaine, but he was already gone.

* * *

Blaine was finally back in his element. Singing in front of an audience, venting his emotions freely was what he’d needed. It had taken a lot to overcome his fear of showing his vulnerability in front of the others, most of them not even really his friends. On the one hand, singing about his pain and letting it all out made it also seem more real and that realization almost took his breath away. On the other hand, he imagined that letting it all out was also a way of getting rid of his troubles.

He felt as if his performance of the Queen song had breathed new life into him. Not only the singing had been like a therapy. The music had surrounded him, wrapping him like a comforting blanket, and had made him feel as if a few more pieces of his broken heart were back in their place. During the performance, he’d let the drum beats enter his body and take over his movements. He’d let the guitar chords lift him up as if the strings had been ropes that were strong enough to pull him out of that dark hole of self-pity.

“The band members really outdid themselves today, didn’t they?” Tina asked admiringly as they stood with Sam outside the school building right after Glee practice.

“Yeah,” Sam replied with raised eyebrows, “I have to admit that I usually don’t pay much attention to them, but you gotta give them credit. That guitar dude really rocked the solos, especially during Blaine’s song.”

“I bet that _guitar dude_ has a name,” Blaine chuckled. “Isn’t it Alex?”

“I don’t know, man,” Sam replied, “but I’m pretty sure he’s into you.”

“What?” Tina exclaimed and glared at Sam, stunned. “You’re saying Alex Standall is into Blaine Anderson? What the heck, that is just not fair!” She let out a sharp, frustrated sigh. “No, that’s just not possible. Whatever, I’m out of here. Blaine, I hope singing that song helped you a little.” With these last words, Tina pressed a fleeting kiss on Blaine’s cheek, glared at Sam as if she wanted to kill him and walked off quickly towards the parking lot.

Blaine had followed the scene in confusion. “What was that?” he asked as he looked after Tina who seemed equally frustrated and furious.

“Ugh,” Sam snorted, “I guess she has only just gotten over her crush on you and already developed a new one on several of the band members. Admittedly, this Alex guy wouldn’t be a bad fit if she ever falls back into her old Goth habits again. He strikes me like the kind of guy who would have been a typical emo kid, had he been born ten years earlier. The black hair and make-up are missing, but he does have the nose ring. Anyways, apparently she’s angry at the world because she keeps digging gay dudes. But isn’t that her own fau-...”

“Wait, what?” Blaine interrupted. He didn’t know which of Sam’s claims was most outrageous. “Tina had a crush on me? That’s just bullshit. And I don’t believe that Alex is gay either, let alone that he has a crush on me. Sometimes you should simply shut up. Look what you’ve done, now she’s pissed.”

“Believe what you want. But let me tell you one thing, man. For the longest time you were blind for everything that wasn’t Kurt. It’s time to open your eyes and take in what’s happening around you. I hope today is the day you finally start doing that. Amen,” Sam concluded, gave Blaine a brotherly slap on his back and headed off to the parking lot as well.

Blaine needed a couple of minutes to let Sam’s words sink in as he walked to his mother’s car and sat down behind the steering wheel. He couldn’t believe that his best friend had had a crush on him. Tina had known all along that he’d transferred to McKinley because of Kurt and he’d never given her any reason to believe that he was not gay. So if she had really developed a crush on him at some point, it was indeed her own fault. Or wasn’t it?

And as for Alex, the guitarist whose play had lifted him up so incredibly today... He didn’t really know what Sam meant. They had exchanged a few looks and smiles after the performance because Blaine had been so impressed with the solos and so thankful for the shared experience with the musicians. After all, he was set on regarding the performance as the start of something new. He hadn’t noticed anything special about Alex’s reactions. But then again, what did he know? Almost all his senses had been broken during the past weeks.

Blaine tried not to give Sam’s words too much weight, started the engine and turned on the radio. The song currently playing was something by Panic! at the Disco and he was reminded of Sam’s emo boy comment about Alex. He suddenly realized that he really liked the guitarist’s septum piercing and the random realization made him chuckle. Blaine imagined the disbelieving shriek Kurt would let out if he ever told him about it. His smile faltered and a wave of silent desperation caught him off guard. Oh Kurt... please... go away.


	3. Chapter 3

On Saturday afternoon, Kyle and Josh set up their instruments in the Standall’s basement. They'd been talking about starting a band for several weeks, but it was the first official meeting in their future rehearsal space and they still didn’t have a bass payer and a singer.

“To be honest, I don’t want Eric to join the band. I know that he listens to really heavy stuff and I don’t really want to go in that direction. His bass skills aren’t that good either,” Josh said as he sat down behind his drum set and grabbed his sticks.  
  
“Just because he listens to heavy music, it doesn’t mean that he will force us to play that stuff with the band,” Kyle argued after plugging in his keyboard. “I kinda like him. What do you think, Alex?”

Alex grabbed his electric guitar and sat down on a stool. “I think we should give him a chance. Of course, we should tell him first what kind of music we want to make. Have we even decided on that? So far, we’ve only broadly agreed on indie-slash-alternative rock. That could be anything.”

Kyle stretched his fingers to warm up. “Well, I guess we’ll have to find our own sound eventually. But most bands start as a cover band anyways. I’d like to play some songs by The Killers, for example.

“Ugh,” Josh pulled a face. “That’s too mainstream and poppy for us, isn’t it Alex, my man? We dig darker stuff.”

“Yeah, the overall message should definitely be that life sucks and that we all want to kill ourselves.” Alex earned some chuckles from his band mates. If they had known why he’d moved to Lima, they probably would’ve reacted in a different way. But nobody knew.

“I think if we just start jamming, we’ll find something that we all like,” Kyle said with an optimistic smile, his eyes sparkling behind his purple-rimmed glasses. “Do we agree now that we should at least ask Eric?”

Josh nodded begrudgingly. “But what about a singer? Obviously, we’ll need one, too. Unless one of you guys secretly has the voice of an angel.”

“Nah, I don’t,” Kyle laughed. “You’re right. Does anyone know somebody who’s talented and willing?”

Alex had thought about this question a lot. Since Queen week, he had secretly been imagining Blaine as their lead singer. He was definitely talented and it would be a great excuse to spend more time with him. But was he willing?

“Well, I was thinking about Blaine from Glee Club. He was pretty awesome when he sang the Queen song... and, actually, every other song before that,” Alex said slowly and he felt himself blush again. He prayed that his band mates wouldn’t notice.

“A Glee Club member?” Josh blurted. “Dream on. These kids don’t even know we exist. I don’t think they’d be interested in singing in a band that doesn’t compete in Nationals. Also, I heard the guy is single now. What if he tries to hook up with one of us?”

Alex felt himself blush even more and pretended to be very busy tuning his guitar. Thankfully, Kyle chimed in.

“Sometimes, you’re a stupid asshole, Josh. Actually, Alex and I should discuss if we even want you in the band. Just because Blaine is gay, it doesn’t mean that he’s a predatory man-eater and it would do you good to hang out with people who are not straight white males. I say we ask him. He is a great singer. If he says no, we’ll find somebody else.”

Alex took a deep breath to calm down. He was pretty mad at Josh for that idiotic comment, but he had to play cool. “I’ll ask him then,” he said half-heartedly. He wanted a reason to talk to Blaine, but he already knew how hard it would be. And one thing Josh had said was true. There was a good chance that Blaine would say no. But the least Alex could do was try.

Josh seemed to realize that he'd misstepped and mumbled something like, “Okay, I’m sorry,” and started to play a beat to end the conversation.

They jammed a little and ended up playing some Pearl Jam, Wheezer and Incubus. “I think that was a good start,” Kyle said happily when they wrapped up. “Now all we need is a bass and a voice.”

* * *

When Blaine was running up the stairs to the therapist’s office for his first appointment, he felt sweat build up underneath his fresh shirt. This was just great. He was going to be late to his first - and hopefully last - meeting because he’d wanted to take a shower after school and now he was already feeling gross again.

He hated his mother for sending him to a shrink. Admittedly, he had been acting odd because of the break-up, but he was already getting better on his own. She could at least have sent him to somebody who had an earlier appointment available, but no, it had to be some top-notch guy that all her rich soccer-mom friends were seeing on a regular basis to lament about their miserable lives.

After Blaine had presented himself at the front desk, panting like a dog, he was sent to the waiting room where only one other person was sitting. It didn’t take him long to recognize the guy from school. “Oh hey,” Blaine greeted him, still out of breath. He took a seat a few chairs away from the other boy and forced himself to smile at him. It was the blond guitarist with the nose piercing, Alex.

Alex seemed to be dumbstruck for a moment. He obviously hadn’t expected to see another student from McKinley at the therapist’s office, but so hadn’t Blaine. “Uh… hi,” Alex finally stuttered, still looking as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Are you seeing Dr. Hamilton, too?” Blaine asked to break the looming silence after a minute or so.

“Uhm, no. I’m seeing Ms. Garcia. Dr. Hamilton seems to be more on the expensive side.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Blaine already felt like he’d overstepped a boundary, but he couldn’t deny his curiosity. He was wondering why Alex was seeing a psychotherapist, but then again, Alex was probably wondering the same about him. Meeting somebody from school at a therapist’s office certainly wasn’t the most comfortable situation, so Blaine decided not to ask any more questions.

Since Alex seemed to be mostly interested in the waiting room’s carpet he was staring at, Blaine took the freedom to look at the guitarist a little more closely. Alex’s hair had obviously been bleached a while ago, but his naturally darker blond hair had grown back out and only the tips remained peroxide blond. Alex’s skin was fair and smooth, similar to marble. His facial features were delicate, his nose pointy and perfect, decorated with a silver ring above his fine and rosy lips. When Alex looked up at him briefly, Blaine noticed how deeply blue Alex’s eyes were.

All in all, Alex’s face reminded Blaine of the allure of a Greek statue. It made him think of art class where he'd learned that classical Greek statues weren't white but colorfully painted, sometimes with eyes made of gemstones.

Alex seemed to be very uncomfortable with the situation and jumped up as if stung by a bee when he was called to Ms. Garcia’s office. “See you at school,” he said to Blaine without meeting his eyes.

“See you.” Blaine’s gaze followed Alex as he quickly walked out of the room. After Alex was gone, Blaine caught himself picturing Alex’s handsome face and slender body as a marble sculpture with sapphire eyes.

“Mr. Anderson, Dr. Hamilton is ready to see you.” Blaine was jolted out of his daydream. He grabbed his bag and followed Dr. Hamilton’s assistant out of the waiting room, still wondering what it was about Alex that made him feel a little light-headed.

* * *

The next theme for Glee practice was “acoustic”. Alex had brought his acoustic guitar to school and dreaded the meeting all morning. Alex and Kyle were the only band members that were supposed to join the Glee Club this week because they wanted no other instruments than the acoustic guitar and the piano.

This alone would have been enough to make Alex nervous, but his encounter with Blaine at his psychotherapist’s office had been the height of embarrassment. Not only did Blaine know now that he had issues, Alex had also acted like a tongue-tied idiot. He could have asked Blaine if he wanted to be the band’s lead singer right there in the waiting room. It would have distracted from the weirdness and it would have been a great relief to get the question off his chest. But no, not in this life.

Blaine had prepared _Just Like Heaven_ by The Cure. He was one of the first singers to perform and Alex’s heart was beating like crazy when they both took a seat on the two stools in front of the class. Alex had never been that close to him. Blaine was merely three feet away and probably heard the hammering in his chest. It was only Blaine and him, all eyes on them.

Alex, very much aware of the horrible blush on his face, forced himself to look at Blaine to see if he was ready to sing. His shy glance was greeted by a bright smile and an encouraging nod. Alex took a deep breath, tried to focus on his guitar and started to play.

When Blaine’s voice filled the air, Alex closed his eyes and imagined they were the only people in the room, or, maybe, in the whole universe. Again, they harmonized like cookies and cream and Alex hoped that, somehow, Blaine would be able to feel the emotion that Alex poured into his chords.

After Blaine sang “...just like heaven” for the last time and while the last chord was ringing out, loud applause erupted from the Glee kids. Blaine stood up and took a bow. Alex was prepared to see him walk back to his seat next to his fellow Glee Clubbers, but, instead, Blaine turned around to him with a large grin and his right hand raised for a high-five. “You were awesome! Thanks, Alex,” he said smiling.

Of course, Alex embarrassed himself once again by missing his turn to return the gesture at first, but he eventually did and their hands met for a millisecond, long enough for some of Alex’s brain cells to get fried by excitement. “You too, thanks,” he mumbled and tried to collect himself because Tina was already on her way to the stool next to him for her performance.

Alex lowered his gaze to his strings and tried not to follow Blaine with his eyes as he walked away. Focus, he thought to himself. But it wasn’t that easy, especially when he reminded himself that he would have to take up the courage to ask Blaine to be his band’s lead singer after the practice.

The session lasted for another long hour. After everybody had performed, Mr. Schue officially ended the meeting. Kyle, who didn’t have to pack up his keyboard this time, patted Alex on the shoulder, quickly said, “That was great, man, see you tomorrow,” and left the room together with most of the Glee Club members.

Blaine’s seat was, once again, in the last row, so he was one of the last people to leave. Alex, who had already put the guitar in its bag, took a deep breath and gathered all his courage right before Blaine started to walk towards the door.

“Hey Blaine, do you have a minute?” Alex hoped that there hadn’t actually been a tremble in his stupid voice.

Blaine stopped in surprise and looked at Alex curiously. “Sure,” he smiled and walked over to Alex. Everybody else had left the room by then. “You were really great again. But your talent is almost wasted when we perform these acoustic versions. Your solos on the electric guitar are sick.” Blaine’s amber eyes glowed in honest appreciation – and Alex feared that he might die of a heart-attack any second.

“Uh, thanks,” Alex finally managed to say and forced himself to get it over with. “Uh, you know... I wanted to ask you... My friends and I are starting a band and we’re still looking for a lead singer. Would you maybe be interested in singing in a band? We’re not really sure yet what we’re gonna sound like, but we all like alternative stuff, indie rock, some older tunes, but we’re open to anything at this point.” There it was. He’d asked and, not even knowing the answer yet, a giant weight was lifted off his shoulders. Now he just had to wait for Blaine’s reaction and not freak out over the answer whatever it might be.

Blaine’s smile went from bright to brighter. He still seemed surprised, but in a positive way. “Wow, to be honest, I’ve always wanted to sing in a band, but I never really had friends that played instruments. Somehow, I was always surrounded by other singers.” The amazed sparkle in Blaine’s golden eyes was killing Alex.

“That’s... really awesome,” Alex stammered, followed by a weird pause. It took all his willpower not to freak out. “So we practice in my basement and we’d actually like to meet tomorrow after school. Are you free? I mean, we can also meet another day.”

“Tomorrow’s great,” Blaine replied happily. “Can you text me your address? I’ll give you my number.” He took out a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled his phone number on it. “There you go. I’m looking forward to meeting the other guys.”

Alex took the piece of paper and carefully tucked it in his pocket as if it was a 100-dollar bill. “Uh, you may actually know them already. They’re the keyboarder and the drummer of our school band, Kyle and Josh. We’re still looking for a bassist... and a singer, but I guess we may have found one now.”

“Well, let me try out first. Maybe I’ll mess up tomorrow and you don’t want me anymore,” Blaine chuckled.

“Nah, I doubt that,” Alex replied with a grin and finally felt himself relax a little. Blaine seemed to be a really nice guy. No need to be so out of it. But from up close, Blaine was even more handsome. He was a little shorter than Alex, his dark hair meticulously gelled again. His face, just perfect, from his shining honey-colored eyes over his defined nose, to his full lips.

Alex found himself gazing at Blaine’s captivating smile and reminded himself that the last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself even further. “So see you tomorrow then? I’ll text you.”

“See you tomorrow,” Blaine replied with a friendly nod and as he walked out of the room, Alex’s eyes wandered down to his hips and posterior _._ A sudden heat wave flushed Alex’s body and he felt his heart hammer like crazy again. Oh. God. He was totally attracted to this person. To this _boy_. He had no idea what it meant. The attraction came hand in hand with desperation. What the fuck was happening?

* * *

When Alex went to his room after dinner that night, he immediately collapsed on his bed. He felt as if that day had been a thousand hours long. He closed his eyes for a couple of minutes and tried to think of something other than Blaine. When he realized that he wasn’t going to succeed, he reached into his pocket to pull out the piece of paper with Blaine’s number on it. He took in the handwritten digits as if they were a piece of art.

Alex grabbed his phone from the nightstand and added Blaine to his contacts. He started a text message. And deleted it. Started again. Deleted it. Started. Deleted. He sighed. Was it really that hard? He was just supposed to text his address, so Blaine would know where to meet them for the band practice.

 _Hi Blaine, it’s Alex. My address is 14 Woodland Road. We’ll meet tomorrow at 6 p.m. See you_ , he finally wrote and quickly hit the _send_ button before he could change his mind again.

He scrolled through some apps for a while and returned to his contacts app again. _Blaine_. There it was, his name and his number. Kind of incredible. He scrolled up and down again and one other name grabbed his attention. He pressed the green _call_ button and held the phone to his ear.

His heart jumped a bit when he heard the familiar voice at the other end, far away in California. “Alex! So good to hear from you!” Jessica exclaimed happily.

“Hi Jess. How are you?”

“I’m great,actually. How are you doing? Is it cold in Ohio?”

“It’s getting there. And yeah, I’m alright.” Alex sat up on his bed and opened the drawer of his nightstand. He took out a stack of photos and flipped through them. They all showed the both of them together, taken only two or three years ago. “It’s good to hear your voice. I miss you.”

“I miss you to pieces, sweetheart,” Jessica replied and Alex could basically hear the fond smile on her face. “So what have you been up to? We haven’t talked in weeks. That’s scandalous!”

“Kyle, Josh and I are in the process of starting a band. We had our very first practice on Friday and we’re currently still looking for a lead singer and a bassist. Well... that is, we’ve actually already found two guys, but they still have to try out.” His heart beat a little faster when he was reminded of the fact that Blaine would come to his house the next day.

“That’s pretty neat! You mentioned before that you guys were planning on doing that, but it’s great to hear that you’re already starting. I hope you’ll invite me to your first concert!”

Alex smiled sadly. “I definitely will. But I’m afraid it won’t be in the Bay Area...” Even after more than a year, Alex wasn’t used to the distance between them.

“Maybe you haven’t heard about it yet, but they invented airplanes a while ago,” Jess mocked him. “I know what you mean, but I still haven’t visited you in Lima, so that’s definitely on my bucket list and I’d totally hop on a plane to see you play,” she said sincerely.

“I know you would. You’re the best.”

“Aww, thanks.” After a little pause, Jessica continued, “Actually, I have some big news, too.”

“Big news? Shoot.”

“I’m back together with Justin. For real, this time.” Jessica paused again, obviously waiting for Alex’s reaction.

Alex was taken off guard and didn’t know what to say. Jessica was his ex-girlfriend and, after they had broken up, they stayed best friends. She had been in a relationship with Justin before being with him and Alex had never really liked the guy for many reasons. He was pretty shady, a jock who hung out with the wrong people and he’d hurt Jessica pretty badly in the past. But even when Alex and Jessica had been a couple, he’d suspected that she was still in love with Justin. Something about their relationship had been off and Alex mainly blamed Justin for that.

“Uh, okay,” he stuttered when he thought that it was high time to break the silence. “I mean that’s great news.”

“Oh Alex, I can tell that you’re not happy about it. I was afraid you’d feel that way,” she replied with obvious disappointment.

“No, I mean... You know how I feel about Justin, but you seem happy and that’s all that matters. You deserve to be happy.”

“You’re really sweet. Thanks for saying that.” It was obvious that she wanted to change the topic after his negative reaction. “And you deserve to be happy, too. What about you? Have you met someone special in Lima yet?”

Good thing this isn’t a video call, Alex thought when he felt himself blush again. “Uhm... I guess... Maybe there’s someone,” he stuttered. “But we’re not dating or anything. I guess I’m just kind of curious about someone.”

“Wow! Tell me about her!” Jessica sounded genuinely excited about this news.

“Uh, I don’t know, Jessica. I’d rather not do that... yet. It would be a waste of breath if it turned out that there’s... nothing really... I’ll tell you later if there’s actually something to tell.”

“You mean _when_ there’s something to tell. Go for it! What kinda girl would not be into you? You’re handsome and clever and sweet…”

“Oh shut up, Jessica,” Alex said with a chuckle. “But also, thanks.”

“You’re welcome. But seriously. I’d be so happy for you.”

“I know,” Alex sighed. He would have loved to tell Jessica about Blaine. She was the only person in the world whom he would be able to tell about him. But he wasn’t there yet. He still had to figure out what was going on with him.

“Damn, I just remembered I still have to do my math homework. I’ll call you, okay?” he said quickly and put the photos back into the drawer.

“Okay. Good luck with your advances then. Tell me _everything_. I’ll be waiting. I love you.”

“Alright, Jess. Say hi to your parents from me. I love you, too. Good night.”

“Sleep well, sweetie.”

Alex dropped the phone on his bed and closed his eyes. He so wished that Jessica went to McKinley with him. Everything would be so much easier. Even though he’d found a few guys to hang out with, nobody in Lima knew about his suicide attempt and what he’d gone through. When his parents had announced the move, Alex had initially thought that he wouldn’t be able to recover without Jess. At the beginning, they’d had a daily video call routine that helped Alex a lot to settle in. He’d needed a new beginning, but it had always been clear that Jessica would have to be part of it.

Even though Alex and Jess had only been friends for a few years, she was the person who knew him best, definitely better than his own parents. They’d gone through hell together, had lost their mutual best friend to suicide and had both felt partly responsible for it.

To Alex, Jess was a heroine if there ever was one. Jess had even forgiven Alex that he hadn’t been able to cope with the pain at some point and had tried to cowardly off himself and leave her alone with their shared misery. When that hadn’t worked out, he’d come back to her, only to leave her again for Lima a couple of months later. Despite all that, she still loved him and he loved her.

Alex tried to remember how he’d felt when they’d been in a relationship. They’d had sex a few times during their time together and, of course, it had felt good. But it hadn’t been what he’d expected. He’d always felt fond of Jessica, yes, actually loved her. But what about that drumming heart, blushing cheeks, getting lost in gem-like eyes, melting away when surrounded by an angelic voice? Alex couldn’t remember any of that when he thought back to his time with Jessica, not even during their first months together.

Alex’s head started to spin as he slowly allowed a certain realization to crawl out of the pit in which he’d tried to bury it. It had become obvious in the past weeks, but he’d managed to keep the thought far away from him - until now. Thinking back to his relationship with Jessica, comparing his affection for her to his feelings now made it terribly clear: His attraction to Blaine was a full-grown crush, maybe more than that. He was attracted to a man in a very real and very physical way.

Honestly, it wasn't the first time. Alex had been attracted to a boy before. Zack, a friend back at Liberty High, a popular football player with a body like Adonis, had once made him feel rather uncomfortable in the school locker room. After a shower, he'd dropped his towel directly in front of Alex and, at the sight, Alex had felt a rush of arousal like never before. He'd tried not to give too much thought to the incidence because Zack was just hot, _everybody_ probably thought that.

So now he was attracted to a man again, definitely no coincidence this time. What to do about that? Go for it as Jess wanted him to? Did he really want to be with Blaine? Be in a relationship? Hold hands, kiss and maybe… even more than that? Be a couple? In public? In a smallish town in Ohio? How would his parents react? What about Josh? What about the band? What about the Glee kids? What if Blaine wasn’t even interested in him? Was Alex even his type?

Okay, stop, too many damn questions. Alex’s brain felt like jelly. That’s it. It was all too much and, in that moment, then and there, Alex decided to take all the terrifying questions and intimidating feelings, shove them back into that pit, bury them, and decorate them with a gravestone he would never look at again.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day after school, Blaine stood in front of his closet and tried to decide what to wear for the band meeting. He’d ruled out most of the more flamboyant dress shirts and all of his bow ties. He considered getting rid of that stuff, it reminded him too much of Kurt anyways.

He thought about what kind of music the band wanted to make and grabbed a simple white t-shirt and a long-sleeve plaid shirt. After getting dressed, he looked at his hair and decided to go light on the gel this time. Some curls didn’t want to stay in place, but that was fine for now. He was going to a band practice, not to a Warbler performance at a retirement home.

Blaine really wanted to impress the band and, if he was honest to himself, most of all Alex. The acoustic performance at the Glee meeting had been... _just like heaven_. Once again, he’d felt as one with Alex’s guitar chords. He’d felt blissful during the performance and even more so when Alex had asked him if he wanted to join his band.

Talking to Alex up close for the first time, Blaine had taken the chance to study his features more thoroughly and he’d immediately been captivated by the guitarist’s charisma. Alex’s timid smile was somewhere in the middle on a scale between cute and seductive. The piercing in his notably well-defined nose was undeniably hot.

Alex was lean and a little taller than Blaine. That and his overall rather delicate appearance reminded Blaine a bit of Kurt, but you couldn’t really compare the two and why would you. Alex was very different from Kurt. He seemed to be an introvert who didn’t like the spotlight and there was an air of melancholic secrecy about him that made Blaine curious for more.

After the end of Blaine’s first real relationship and the terrible break-up, it felt weird to be attracted to a guy again, but attracted he was. There was no reason to deny that fact, especially if Sam was right and Alex was interested in him, too. That would certainly explain why Alex had seemed so nervous when he’d approached Blaine, and what about that obvious blush? The thought of it made Blaine smile.

Apart from his curiosity about Alex, Blaine really wanted to be part of a band, so he was planning on doing everything right. He checked his outfit in the mirror for the last time, grabbed the bag with his mic and headed over to Alex’s place which was only a 15-minute walk from his house.

* * *

Blaine rang the doorbell and Alex’s mother opened the door seconds later.  
  
“Hi, you must be Blaine - or Eric?”, she greeted him with an inviting smile.

“I’m Blaine, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Carolyn. Come on in, the boys are in the basement. That way.” She pointed to the stairs right next to the front door.

“Thank you, Carolyn,” Blaine replied politely, walked down the stairs and took a deep breath before he opened the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Blaine stepped into a large basement room that was certainly used as a party room every now and then, since it had a bar, several couches and even a disco ball. At the back of the room, a drum set and a keyboard were set up. Alex, Josh and Kyle were sitting on one of the couches chatting and when they realized he had entered the room, they stood up and approached Blaine to welcome him.

“Hi Blaine, thanks for coming. This is Kyle, this is Josh,” Alex greeted him, his voice and posture a lot more relaxed than during their previous encounters. Alex looked happy to see him, his blue eyes shining just as much as the disco ball above him. Blaine’s heart tripped a little.

Blaine shook Kyle’s and Josh’s hands. “Nice to officially meet you. I guess we’ve actually seen each other a million times, but Glee Club is always a bit of a... different world,” Blaine said and suddenly felt very embarrassed about never really having talked to the school band members although they attended almost every Glee meeting.

Josh snorted, “Tell me about it. It’s like we play behind some invisible curtain in that choir room.”

Kyle poked his elbow into Josh’s ribs with force, which made Josh wince in pain and stare at Kyle, outraged. “What the fuck, dude?!”

Kyle ignored Josh and smiled at Blaine apologetically. “We totally understand that the Glee Club is about singing and that the band is just there as support. We very much appreciate the opportunity to practice with the Glee Club because we don’t get to perform all that often as school band apart from that. Right, Josh?” Josh still looked a little pissed, but he had to agree.

Seconds later, the basement door opened again and a tall guy with long, brown dreadlocks and a black band shirt of some metal band entered. A guitar bag hung over his shoulder. He looked so unfamiliar that Blaine sincerely hoped that he didn’t play in the school band, otherwise he’d have to be even more embarrassed about his ignorance.

“Hi guys,” the newcomer said and immediately turned to Blaine to shake his hand. “I’m Eric. You must be Blaine. Nice to meet you. I’m the potential bassist.”

Blaine didn’t know how to avoid the looming embarrassment. “Uh, hi. Yeah, I’m Blaine. You... you don’t play in the school band, do you?” Blaine could tell that Josh was rolling his eyes at that question without even looking at him.

“Nah,” Eric answered, “I met these guys at a music store and we ended up hanging out a bit after that. I go to school at Dalton Academy down in Westerville.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped. That couldn’t be true. For a second, he tried to picture that guy in the Dalton uniform, but it was impossible. He tried to keep his countenance and managed to respond, “Wow, that’s crazy. I used to go there as well before I transferred to McKinley. I don’t remember seeing you there.”

Eric grinned at Blaine’s reaction. “I can tell that you can’t picture me in the uniform, but I guess it works. They wanted me to cut my dreads, but I just didn’t do it and they stopped bothering me about it after a while. I actually like Dalton. Why did you transfer to McKinley?”

Blaine had feared that this question would come up. But the other guys knew about Kurt anyways, so he might as well tell Eric who seemed to be a progressive kind of guy. “Uhm, I transferred to McKinley because my ex-boyfriend was a student there at the time.” Blaine couldn’t but take a quick look at Alex who had lowered his expressionless gaze to the floor.

“Oops, sorry that didn’t work out,” Eric replied and seemed to get that he’d touched on a sensitive topic. “So it looks like you guys have set up everything already. I’m gonna plug in my bass guitar and we’re ready to go. What’s the plan for today?”

* * *

It took them only half an hour or so to agree on a couple of songs to play. Kyle, Josh, Alex and Eric were quite the alternative rock buffs and Blaine realized he had to catch up in that field. With the Warblers, he’d mostly sung Top 40 pop songs, Kurt had introduced him to show tunes and he had only recently started to listen to rockier, grungier music after the break-up had ruined all happy, poppy songs for him. He’d also started to like music with electronic and psychedelic influences.

Blaine didn’t know the lyrics for all of the songs they played, but he searched them on his smartphone and that worked out fine for the practice. They were playing in a circle, so they could see each other. When Blaine didn’t have to peek at his phone for the lyrics, he often looked at Alex who played like a young god once again. Blaine was amazed at his guitar skills, but not only at that. He liked the way Alex’s blond hair fell into his face whenever he looked down at the strings. Every now and then, their eyes met and Blaine felt pleasant shivers running down his spine.

Two hours later, they were all hungry and ordered pizza. Kyle seemed to be the most excited about the possible completion of the band and still bounced up and down when the others had let themselves collapse on a couch in exhaustion. “Guys, that was truly amazing! If you asked me, I’d say our band is complete.”

Alex nodded in agreement and smiled at Eric and Blaine. “I hope you guys are still willing to join us.”

Even Josh didn’t seem hostile anymore and had to admit, “Yeah, that would be awesome. I mean we already knew that you can sing, Blaine, but now we know that you’re a good fit as well. And Eric... If you don’t make us play Slayer, you’re welcome to join, too.”

Eric let out a chuckle. “I hope you’ll see me in my Dalton uniform one day. That would show you how versatile I am.”

When the pizza arrived, Alex turned on some music and dragged a box of beer from behind the bar towards the couch and handed them all a can. “So I guess we have a reason to celebrate. Except... what’s our band’s name?”

A heated discussion erupted and numerous potential names were brought up and discarded. Josh wanted something obscure, Kyle something quirky, Blaine something colorful, Eric something ironic and Alex didn’t care. Finally, they settled on the name Meticulous Mess, an appropriate compromise.

* * *

When the other guys left around 9 p.m., Blaine sensed his chance to get to know Alex better and decided to stay a little longer. Alex didn’t mind, but Blaine saw him tense up a bit again, now that they were alone in the basement. They sat down on the couch again and Alex handed him another can of beer.

“Do your parents know about the beer?” Blaine asked curiously.

“Yeah, my mom even bought it for us. I mean, we’re all at least 18 and, in parts of Canada, it would be legal. There are countries where they let kids drink beer at 16. I think she trusts that we’re responsible.”

“Wow, you seem to have a very good relationship with your parents.”

“Uhm yeah... I guess.” Alex seemed a bit reserved all of a sudden and Blaine decided to change the topic.

“So you’re 18? Are you a senior, too? I don’t think we share any classes.”

“Nah, junior. We moved here a little more than a year ago and I had to repeat sophomore year here. I had messed it up at my old school.”

“Oh, I see. I had to repeat a year, too. I’m 19.” When Alex looked at him with curiosity, Blaine continued. “I was bullied at my old school for being gay. It was pretty bad and ruined my grades, so I transferred to Dalton and repeated that year there. I was much better the second time.” He smiled at Alex who seemed surprised at something that he’d said. Maybe the part about the bullying?

“So you’re done after this school year. Any plans yet?”

“Not really. I’ve been thinking about going to college in New York, but I’m not so sure about that anymore.” Blaine was painfully reminded of all the plans he’d made with Kurt about living in New York together. But then New York ruined his relationship because Kurt went there a year before him and the long-distance thing didn’t work out. Wait, of course, _he_ ruined the relationship, not New York. Ugh, don’t go there now, Blaine thought. “What about you?”

“I haven’t really thought about that yet. I’m glad I still have some time. I’m kinda still waiting for the letter from Hogwarts to arrive or a radioactive spider to bite me, so I don’t have to actively think about what my real calling is. New York sounds cool. If the spider bite ever happens, I’ll definitely go there.”

Pleasantly surprised about the Spiderman reference, Blaine said teasingly, “If you get bitten while you’re still at McKinley, you can join the The Secret Society of Superheroes Club.”

Alex laughed. “Did you just make that up?”

Blaine almost blushed a little. Hopefully, Alex wouldn’t find his interests too nerdy. “No, I’m actually the President of that club.” Blaine looked at Alex apologetically, but Alex seemed to be amused by Blaine’s confession.

“When’s your next meeting?” And thus started an hour-long nerd talk about superheroes and spacecrafts. Blaine was wildly excited about having found something he had in common with Alex. He had never been able to talk about these things with Kurt who preferred fashion magazines over comics and musicals over space operas and superhero movies.

Blaine had the feeling that he wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the conversation. Alex had opened up entirely, maybe the second beer had also contributed to that. Blaine couldn’t believe that this was the first time he ever actually talked to Alex. What a waste of time. Alex was a thoughtful, rather quiet person, but the few hours they spent talking revealed that he could also be funny and so, so charming.

When they were done with the nerd talk, there was a little pause in the conversation. They were both sipping their beers, smiling and stealing quick looks at each other. Blaine could feel his heart race a bit and he enjoyed the thrill of it. His curiosity about Alex wasn’t satisfied yet. He needed to know more about this handsome and still somehow mysterious guy.

“So why did you move to Lima?”, Blaine asked and, only seconds later, he wished he hadn’t. Alex’s smile had suddenly faded and he looked down at his can with distress written all over his face. “Uhm, forget it, you don’t have to tell me,” Blaine added quickly and hoped that he hadn’t ruined the good vibes entirely.

“No, it’s okay,” Alex said slowly and looked at Blaine again, his eyes glistening like azure pools of regret. “One of my best friends killed herself. I had a very hard time dealing with it...” Alex paused and seemed to swallow down some words that had already been on the tip of his tongue. “My parents thought a change of scenery would be good for me and my aunt lives in Lima. So we ended up here.”

Blaine was at a loss of words. He wanted to comfort Alex somehow after more or less forcing him to retell this low point of his life. He put his right hand on Alex’s left that was resting on the couch. “I’m very sorry to hear that,” Blaine said softly with a very low voice.

Alex’s sadness seemed to be suddenly pushed aside by surprise when he felt Blaine’s hand on his. His eyes shot up and met Blaine’s. Blaine was maybe a dozen inches away from Alex and he tried to read what was going on behind these blue eyes. Had Blaine upset him? No, the glare in Alex’s eyes hinted at something else. There was still a trace of sadness, but - was Blaine only hoping for it, or was it real? - there was also an undeniable longing.

Blaine felt electrified. He squeezed Alex’s hand carefully and Alex let out a little surprised sob. Blaine’s gaze fell on Alex’s fine, rosy lips that had opened a little. They seemed to be coming closer while Blaine felt himself lean towards them as well.

He looked back up into Alex’s eyes in search for clues. Did Alex want this, too? Blaine, for one, knew he wanted it. He wanted Alex. Blaine was sure he saw that longing in Alex’s eyes again for a second and it was enough to make him lean all the way in and settle his lips on Alex’s.

When Blaine realized that Alex didn’t back off, he started to kiss him slowly. He felt as if a firework had gone off inside his heart, in a way that he’d only felt once before. He was full of want for this beautiful, mysterious man. He cupped Alex’s head gently with his left hand and felt how Alex opened his mouth a little more, letting out a quiet moan. Blaine took that as definite consent and intensified the kiss, allowing his tongue to explore the tip of Alex’s.

Suddenly, he felt Alex forcefully pull back from his grasp. Alex jumped off the couch and stumbled a few steps back, breathing hard and with a terrified, confused look on his face. “I... I’m not gay,” he stammered out of breath.

Blaine didn’t know what to think, let alone say. His head was spinning. “Okay, I’m _so_ sorry, I thought...” He was absolutely horrified. He had just kissed a guy who he’d only really known for a day and who obviously wasn’t into guys. How absurd was that?

Classic Blaine. It wasn’t the first time he’d made up an entire story of mutual desire in his mind. He’d once serenaded a guy at a Gap store with the Warblers in front of the guy’s colleagues and customers.

But this was even worse. He had just been chosen to be the lead singer of a band and he was already starting to ruin it by making moves on a straight band mate. Damn Sam and his irreparably broken gaydar.

“I’m really sorry, I’m gonna go,” Blaine said quickly, grabbed his bag and hurried to the door. Before he stepped through it, he turned around for a last look at Alex who was still standing there, frozen. “I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice broken, and he ran up the stairs, out on the street and all the way back home.

Blaine didn’t stop until he’d closed the door of his room behind him and sank down on the floor, breathing hard. He felt tears well up in his eyes and fall down his cheeks. How could he have been so wrong about Alex?


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, it was Saturday, Blaine crawled out of bed feeling like a zombie. He’d barely slept because his thoughts had been forcing him back to that basement over and over again. He was still trying to understand where he’d gone wrong and why he’d thought that Alex might be into him.

Blaine took a long, hot shower, but it didn’t help to get rid of his headache. He didn’t feel like talking to his parents at the breakfast table, so he snuck out and hoped that fresh air would cure the hammering pain in his head. He wandered around aimlessly at first, until his feet carried him downtown. He needed coffee.

Although he had sworn not to go there ever again because of the countless memories with Kurt, Blaine decided to go to the Lima Bean, his former favorite café. They did have good drip coffee after all and that was exactly what he needed right now. He ordered the coffee to go and was almost out of the door again when he heard his name.

“Blaine! Get over here!”

Blaine turned around and his mood fell even further when he saw Sebastian Smythe sitting at a table with some other guy. Sebastian was wearing his usual arrogant grin and the Dalton uniform – obviously a fashion choice because it wasn’t even a school day. Begrudgingly, Blaine walked over to the table.

“Hello Sebastian,” he said with a forced smile.

Sebastian didn’t even bother to introduce Blaine to the other guy and started rambling. “It’s good to see you, Blaine. You know, I tried to call you a couple of times. Have you been off the grid? I actually wanted to apologize again for the slushy incident.”

Blaine felt a minor wave of rage wash over him. Sebastian had tried to attack Kurt with a slushy containing rock salt which had ended up in Blaine’s face when he’d tried to protect Kurt. He even had to have surgery on his left eye. Sebastian had sent him a get-well-soon-and-I’m-sorry card with a couple of obscene remarks about Blaine’s ass, so Blaine hadn’t taken the apology seriously and ignored Sebastian’s calls.

“I’m really sorry,” Sebastian said with surprising sincerity and his goofy smile even faded a bit when Blaine’s expression remained stern. “Can I make it up to you somehow? How about we hang out tonight? Scandals, for example? All drinks are on me.” Sebastian was clearly getting a little desperate when he’d realized that Blaine didn’t seem to care about his apology. “Come on, it’s almost Christmas. You’re supposed to be forgiving.”

Blaine was tired and pissed at himself. Going to a gay bar with Sebastian was the last thing on his mind, but he had a feeling that Sebastian wouldn’t give up and he could actually use a distraction. If he stayed home that night, he would only wreck his brain again over his own stupidity. “Fine,” he finally said with an audible sigh.

Sebastian didn’t seem to care about Blaines’s lack of excitement. “Awesome! I’ll pick you up tonight at 10 p.m.”

“Okay, see you then,” Blaine replied without even bothering to fake a smile and hurried out of the café. He hoped that agreeing to go out with Sebastian wasn’t just the next entry on his growing list of poor decisions.

* * *

After Blaine had left the basement the day before, Alex hadn’t been able to move for a good ten minutes. When his breathing had calmed down a bit, he’d let himself fall on the couch on which they had just been sitting together and started to cry.

What the hell just happened?, he’d asked himself over and over again. The good news was that Blaine seemed to be into him. They’d had a great time, they’d clicked. And then there was this obvious physical attraction. The bad news was that Alex just couldn’t deal with it and he’d ruined a moment that could have been perfect.

He still couldn’t grasp what had happened. Blaine had kissed him and he’d suddenly felt like he was on fire. It had felt so good, so right. But then the questions he’d asked himself before flooded his mind. Was he ready for this? What would Blaine, out and proud, expect of him? What about the band? It had suddenly felt too much to handle and he’d backed off.

He could only imagine how he must have made Blaine feel. The idiotic words Alex had stammered must have hurt him. He was sure that he’d given Blaine reason to kiss him and then he’d punished him for his admirable courage with a verbal slap in the face.

Alex had somehow managed to avoid his mom the night before. It had been almost midnight when Blaine left. This morning, however, she didn’t stop bugging him. After he hadn’t showed up for breakfast, she knocked at the door of his room and came in with a concerned look on her face.

“Good morning, honey. Are you okay?”

Alex, who was still lying in bed, tried to hide his face under the blanket. “Nah, I think I’m coming up with something,” he mumbled and faked a cough.

His mother walked over to him and pulled the blanket back a bit. “You’re really looking pale. But, honey... It’s not because of the beer, is it? You know that I trusted you to drink responsibly.”

“No, mom. You can go downstairs and count the used cans if you want,” Alex snapped. “I’m just not feeling well and I’d like to just stay here, okay?”

“Okay,” his mother sighed and smiled at him compassionately. “I would have loved to hear how that band meeting went, but you can tell me later.”

Alex faked another cough and she understood that he wanted her to leave. After she’d left the room, Alex tried to think of what to do. He felt completely powerless and just wanted to stay in bed, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of his cowardliness and profound regrets.

He hadn’t slept much and a nasty headache was bugging him. Alex remembered that he might still have some painkillers in his nightstand and opened the drawer. His eyes fell on the photos of Jessica and him. He suddenly felt the urge to talk to her, not just smalltalk, but an actual confession. Alex was sure she’d understand him and would probably even know what to do.

It was almost noon and Alex assumed that Jessica would be out, so he grabbed his phone and wrote her a text message.

_Hi Jess, do you happen to have time for a call sometime today? Miss u._

He put his phone back on the nightstand and closed his eyes. It would probably take a while until she’d reply.

Alex had almost dozed off when his phone buzzed only ten minutes later.

_Sure! I’m home, give me a ring whenever you’re free. xx_

Alex stared at the screen. He hadn’t expected an answer so soon and he hadn’t even started to work up the much needed courage yet. But he also wanted to get it over with, so he pushed the _call_ button, held the phone to his ear and closed his eyes as if it would help him disappear.

“Hey! What’s up?” Jessica’s happy voice entered his ear and made him immediately feel a little better.

“Hi. Uhm… How are you?”

“I’m good. A little bored maybe. I was gonna go Christmas shopping with Gloria today, but she apparently found something better to do last minute. Now I’m stuck at home.”

“Christmas shopping? Isn’t it a little early for that?”

“It’s literally two more weeks. I’ll remind you that you asked me this question when you won’t have any presents the day before Christmas.” Alex couldn’t but smile at that. Jess really knew him.

“So now tell me what happened. Is it about that girl?” Ugh. Of course, Jess also figured that something was up.

Alex paused and tried to somehow tame his thoughts that had just started spinning again. “So about that... Jess, I...” Oh god, he couldn’t.

“Are you alright?” Alex could clearly hear the worry in her voice. When he still didn’t continue to speak, she softly added, “You know you can tell me everything... except if you killed someone ’cause I don’t wanna be charged with accessory to murder or something like that.” Pause. “Alex? Are you still there?” Pause. “You didn’t do anything... illegal? Should I be worried? Alex?”

“Jessy, I... No, I didn’t do anything illegal,” Alex finally forced himself to say. He took a deep breath and went on. “I have to tell you something that’s really... big. Like, potentially life-changing.”

“Okay...?” Jessica still sounded worried. No wonder, Alex had given her every reason to be.

“I’m not into a girl. I...” Alex paused again. Damn, this was hard. He cleared his throat and forced himself to continue. “I like... There’s this... _guy_.” So this was it. It was out. He took another deep breath and let his words sink in on the other end of the phone.

“Wow. Uuuuhm. Did I just understand that correctly? You like a guy? Not a girl?”

Alex felt desperation rise up again inside him. Jessica wouldn’t judge him, would she? But she had been his girlfriend after all. Did she feel betrayed now? But he _had_ loved her, still did.

“Yes,” he responded with a bare whisper. A long pause followed and the hand holding his phone to his ear began to tremble. “Jess… Say something, please.” He felt tears well up in his eyes.

Alex heard Jessica take an audible deep breath. “Oh sweetheart. I must confess, it is kind of a surprise, but... maybe not, I don’t know.”

“Maybe not?” What did she mean?

“Because you’re the typical too-good-to-be-straight kinda guy,” she said with a soft chuckle and the lump in Alex’s throat loosened a little. “I mean, maybe you’re bi or whatever,” she added and seemed to have regained her cool. “So you like this guy. Tell me about him. Like, everything.” All of a sudden, she sounded excited. It hadn’t taken her long to process the news.

“Uhm... His name is Blaine. He sings in the school’s Glee Club and now he’s the lead singer of our new band. Or maybe he was for a day, I don’t know...” Alex sighed. “Anyways, you know the school band I’m in supports the Glee Club and I’ve been playing the guitar for them for a year now, but he used to have that boyfriend who graduated last summer and I didn’t really take notice of him until recently…”

“So he is gay?”

“Yes, out and proud as they say.”

“What does he look like?”

“He has black hair and... ugh, why don’t you search him on the internet? Blaine Anderson. He’s been competing in show choirs forever, you’ll find some photos.”

Alex heard the sound of typing on the other end. Seconds later, Jess replied, “Not bad, not bad at all. He’s gorgeous. He looks like a real catch. Oh, there are videos where he’s singing. Give me a sec.” Alex blushed at her words and it got worse when he heard Blaine’s voice on the other end of the phone. “He’s goooood. That’s quite impressive. And he’s your band’s lead singer now?”

“Uhm... About that... I might have ruined that.”

“What happened?”

Alex sighed and tried to collect himself again. “We had our first band practice in my basement yesterday. It went very well. We all clicked somehow. Our band name is Meticulous Mess, by the way. When the other guys were gone, Blaine stayed a bit longer and we talked about some stuff. Turns out we have quite some things in common. It was fun... until we had a rather... quiet moment and...” Alex paused because the lump was back. He cleared his throat and continued, “and he... he kissed me.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut at the thought and wished everything had gone differently.

“Wow. That actually sounds amazing, sweetie. What’s the problem?” Jess asked softly.

Alex tried to focus. “At first, I kissed him back and it felt awesome, but, all of a sudden, I had this fear, you know? I... I pushed him away and told him that I’m not gay.” His voice had become very weak. “He... he said he was sorry, like, twenty times and left right away.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. I’m the biggest loser idiot ever, I’m well aware.” Alex felt tears well up in his eyes again.

“No, honey. I think your reaction is completely understandable. I mean, he’s probably been out for a while and you seem to be only figuring things out right now.”

“But you should’ve seen him. He was devastated. I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again and I bet he’ll quit the band now before we even really started to be one.”

“So you gotta talk to him.”

“Yeah, right,” Alex said with a cynical laugh.

“Yes, _right_ ,” Jess replied earnestly. “You guys alway think that you can just run away from a situation and it will magically disappear. Straight or gay, you’re all the same when it comes to that. But here’s the news, you can also try to solve a problem, not just avoid it.”

“You’re being sexist.”

“Well, sorry, maybe I’ve just known the wrong guys. I’m serious. Talk to him. Call him. But no texting please, the potential for misunderstandings would be far too big.”

Alex knew that Jess was right. He would have to try to make it right, at least for the band. Maybe there was still a chance to save it. He couldn’t just think of himself. This wasn’t only about Blaine and him. Blaine and him - that ship had sailed anyways.

“Okay. I’ll tell him that he should just forget about what happened... and ask if he still wants to be in the band.”

“Uuuh, that’s not what I meant at all,” Jessica sighed. “Don’t you want to be with him?”

Alex didn’t know what to say. He did, but did he? “I don’t know... Yes, but... It’s not that easy.”

“Okay, I understand that. I wish I could give you a hug right now. I wish I could help you somehow. Oh, how about you give Tony a call? Or Ryan? It’s not like we don’t know any queer people.”

“You’re not serious, are you? I’m not close to any of them. Might as well talk to... Courtney or her dads. And I don’t live in California anymore. This is Ohio. I’m not saying that their coming out was easy, but Blaine told me he got bullied really badly when he was younger.”

“Have you already forgotten that there are plenty of bullies in California, too?”

“No, but... Look, I don’t wanna be labelled. _I_ don’t even know what I want or what I am. But they’ll think they know.”

“Am I speaking to Alex Standall or are you some alien kidnapper and Alex is long gone, somewhere up on a spaceship? Since when do you care how other people think about you or how they label you? Did you care when you got your hair dyed peroxide blond and a septum in your face? I don’t think so. You were labelled a weirdo and all sorts of other things by idiot jocks and I was under the impression you never cared.” Alex heard some frustration in Jess’s voice. “The only opinions worth caring about are those of friends and family who mean well. And if they reject or label you because of what you are or feel, they’re not real friends... or family. And for that matter, I’m one hundred percent sure that your parents would be absolutely understanding and supportive. So while you’re trying to figure out what or who you are, please say hi for me to the Alex I know and consider adopting his awesome zero-fucks-given attitude.”

After that speech, Alex was at a loss of words again. He just loved that girl. What would he do if he didn’t have her to talk some sense into him every now and then? “Thank you,” he said softly.

“You’re welcome. And now do us both a favor and go get your man. When I come visit, I want to meet him and see if he’s as hot in real life as in these videos.”

“Okay,” Alex chuckled. Jess was able to turn any lemon into lemonade. “Thank you, for real. You’re gold.”

After they’d hung up, Alex spent hours thinking about what he would say to Blaine. He even started to take down notes, but ripped them up again and threw them out one after the other. Trusting that music would help organize his thoughts, he grabbed his acoustic guitar and played for a while.

It was already late, around midnight, when Alex had kind of laid out how he wanted to explain his crazy reaction and apologize to Blaine. He sat down on his bed and inhaled deeply. Now or never. With trembling hands, he grabbed his phone and called Blaine. The phone on the other end rang and rang forever.

Alex hung up and wondered if Blaine was ignoring him on purpose. He was actually sure about that. Nevertheless, he tried again. The phone rang and rang and rang and... went to voicemail. Alex hung up again and his heart sank. He decided to try one more time. His heart was racing when he held the phone to his ear again.

Straight to voicemail. Okay, that was it. Blaine didn’t want to talk to him. Alex let himself fall back on the bed and covered his face with his hands. Should he write him a message? No. Blaine wanted to be left alone and Jess was right, Alex shouldn’t risk any further misunderstandings. He would have to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian picked Blaine up at 10 p.m. as they had agreed. He drove his parents’ black BMV, hip hop blaring from the open car windows. Blaine hopped in and turned the music down. “So are we going to Scandals?” Blaine asked instead of a greeting. He still wasn’t sure if going out with Sebastian was a good idea.

Blaine’s car door was barely closed when Sebastian hit the gas, the usual smirk on his face. “Oh babe, I have something in store for you that’s far better than Scandals.”

Sebastian drove the car further and further east, the opposite direction of where Scandals, the only gay bar in Lima, was located. When he took the exit to the highway, Blaine had a faint idea where they might be going. “Are we going to Dalton?” he asked and looked at Sebastian who was still presenting his most conceited grin.

“Dalton’s not really that much better than Scandals, do you think?” Sebastian replied. “No, hun, I mean if you miss Dalton _that_ much, we can make a little detour to Westerville, but we’re actually headed to Columbus.”

Not that long ago, when Blaine was still going to Dalton, he’d gone to Columbus with his friends all the time. They’d had their favorite hang-out spots, mainly restaurants since they’d still been too young for bars and clubs. Sebastian hadn’t gone to Dalton yet at the time, so Blaine wondered if he was taking him to one of those places.

“Are we going to La Sera?”, he asked, thinking of their favorite Italian place. As soon as the question was out, he felt stupid. The restaurant would be closed by the time they’d get there.

“No, but if you haven’t had dinner yet, we can stop at a burger place on the way,” Sebastian replied and Blaine saw him rolling his eyes. “How lame do you think I am? Seriously. If I’d wanted to take you out for dinner, we could’ve gone to the Stix. No, hun, we’re going to party. Hard. Ever heard of The Monastry?”

Blaine had indeed heard of The Monastry. It was a pretty huge club in the outskirts of Columbus that was known to be gay-friendly. Back at Dalton, Blaine and his friends had actually tried to get in once, but failed miserably. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. Have you been there before?”

“Naturally,” Sebastian replied, leaning back in his seat, one hand on the steering wheel. “Had a _lot_ of fun there, you’ll like it.” He turned the music a little louder again and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm.

Even though Blaine was curious about The Monastery, he was feeling even less comfortable now. Sebastian was taking him to a place a hundred miles away from home. From Scandals, he could have just walked home if Sebastian was behaving too intrusive. But in Columbus, Blaine was at Sebastian’s mercy. He sank deeper into his seat and looked at the road flashing by beneath the headlights’ beams.

Sebastian drove way above the speed limit, so at least the ride wasn’t as long as expected. Surprisingly, Sebastian didn’t say much and, thankfully, he didn’t mention Blaine’s recent break-up.

After he’d parked the car in the club’s parking lot in a dark corner far away from the other cars and the entrance, he looked at Blaine with a flirty smile. “Here we are, babe. Excited?”

Blaine let out a little sigh and a quick “Yeah”. He got out of the car and stretched his limbs. When they started to walk towards the entrance, Blaine made sure to keep a safe distance from Sebastian.

As always, Sebastian had brought fake IDs and it was no problem to get inside. They walked through a large entrance hall with several stairs leading to various floors. They walked through the door to the room right opposite the entrance and found themselves in a giant room with countless disco balls high above them, multiple dance floors on different levels and pulsating electronic music. The room was already packed, people dancing ecstatically everywhere.

When Sebastian asked him what he wanted to drink, Blaine was still busy taking everything in. He didn’t reply right away, so Sebastian shrugged his shoulders and walked towards the closest bar without waiting for Blaine’s answer.

Back in Lima, Blaine hadn’t been sure if he’d felt like going out at all, but, at this moment, as the beat of the music was shaking every cell in his body, he knew that he really wanted to be there. He hoped that the loud music and euphoric vibes might actually help him to forget his misery.

It took Sebastian longer than expected to come back with the drinks, but Blaine couldn’t care less. He was already dancing among strangers. Sebastian was grinning at him as if he had known all along that this was exactly what Blaine needed.

“Can you hold these for a sec?” Sebastian asked, forcefully handing the drinks to Blaine who had to stop dancing so he wouldn’t spill the drinks.

“Hey, what the...?” Blaine protested when Sebastian started to open the buttons of his dress shirt.

“Ssshhh, hun. You’re kinda overdressed and it’s way too hot in here anyways.” Sebastian smirked and opened the last buttons of Blaine’s shirt.

Admittedly, it was way too hot now that he’d started to dance, so taking off the shirt wasn’t the worst idea. Blaine had trouble balancing the two drinks in one hand after the other as Sebastian tore the dress shirt off him completely.

Blaine didn’t even see where the shirt went. Suddenly, it was gone and he was standing there in his grey muscle shirt. “Hey, where did you throw my shirt?”

Sebastian ignored the question. He was clearly satisfied with the new look and took his drink from Blaine’s hand. “Now that’s more appropriate. I like what I see. Seems like you haven’t only joined the nerd clubs at McKinley, but also some workout crew, am I right, Nightbird?”

Ugh. Blaine closed his eyes at the annoying comment and wondered how the hell Sebastian knew about his alter-ego for the superhero roleplay club at McKinley. Whatever, he decided that he wouldn’t let Sebastian ruin the night. He was there to have fun. “Did you really drag me all the way here to make fun of me?”

“Nah, I dragged you here to have fun _with you_ ,” Sebastian clarified and started to move to the beat.

Blaine shot him a reproving glance, took a drink and focused on relaxing again.

At first, they danced next to each other. Every now and then, Sebastian moved away to flirt and dance with some strangers, guys and girls alike. Blaine also drew some attention and three girl and one guy approached him, but he decided to dance alone. He wanted to clear his head and the music was fulfilling the purpose. The bass pulsated through his body and he felt as one with the beat as he danced, sweaty, almost happy.

Sebastian kept getting drinks for them, a good mix of shots and long-drinks. He didn’t seem to be much of a beer drinker. The alcohol and sleep deprivation added to Blaine’s carefreeness and after a while he felt truly blissful. It was as if his pain and his misery had suddenly evaporated.

Blaine didn’t even feel repelled when Sebastian moved closer from behind and grabbed his hips. He didn’t get uncomfortable when he felt Sebastian push against him as they danced together. He didn’t mind when Sebastian lowered his lips to his neck and shoulders from behind, hands sliding down and front, closing in on his crotch. Blaine closed his eyes and the music swallowed his moan.

At this very moment, drunk on music and alcohol, everything felt right, the heat, the touch, the longing. Blaine was longing for this touch. He turned around and smiled at Sebastian in a challenging way. Sebastian seemed presently surprised and immediately cupped Blaine’s ass.

“Holy smoke, Blaine!” It was the first time that day that Sebastian had used his name instead of some stupid pet name. “You’re killing me right now, you know.”

“Why? You’re making the moves here, I’m not doing anything,” Blaine replied with a seductive sparkle in his eyes.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Sebastian chuckled, “The fact that you’re letting me do this is kinda mind-blowing.”

They grinned at each other for a few more beats until Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore. His lips crashed down on Blaine’s. Three hours earlier, Blaine would’ve sworn that this was never going to happen, but there they were, their lips linked in a lustful kiss, sweaty shirts and aroused body parts rubbing against each other. Blaine’s hands wandered up Sebastian’s broad back and ended up tangled in his blond hair.

“Let’s get out of here,” Sebastian let out in between heavy breaths and stormy kisses. They had already attracted some curious looks from other dancers. Sebastian grabbed Blaine by the hand and dragged him out of the club. The lost shirt crossed Blaine’s mind for a second, but what the hell. He was so out of it, he could only think of the throbbing in his pants and followed Sebastian willingly back to the car that was obviously parked so far out of the way on purpose.

Sebastian pushed Blaine against the BMW and kissed him deeply while fumbling the car keys out of his pocket. He managed to open the left back door and pushed Blaine on the spacious backseat.

“Good thing I took the BMW instead of the Porsche, right?” he asked rhetorically after closing the door behind him. He was on top of Blaine and started to kiss his neck.

Blaine’s head was full of white noise and lust. Somewhere at the back of his mind, there was a little voice of reason telling him, See, he’s been planning this all along, he just wants to get in your pants.

Getting more and more aroused by the kisses to his neck and down his chest, Blaine closed his eyes and decided that he couldn’t care less about that voice because, right then and there, he wanted Sebastian to get into his pants. And Sebastian didn’t disappoint.

“God, Blaine, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” Sebastian panted and started to open Blaine’s pants with skilled fingers. Seconds later, Blaine felt Sebastian’s hand around his cock. He opened his eyes and looked at Sebastian. It was almost shocking how much desire was written all over Sebastian’s face. Blaine cupped Sebastian’s head with both hands and pulled him down, so he could kiss him again.

After a moment, Sebastian pulled away and looked at Blaine with eyes on fire. “Blaine, I want to fuck you.”

In his drunken and sleep-deprived stupor, all Blaine wanted was to be kissed, touched and pleasured. “Whatever,” he mumbled and dragged Sebastian down to kiss him again.

Sebastian pulled away again to grab something from the compartment between the front seats. Blaine had his eyes closed again and let everything happen. He heard the rustling of something being unwrapped, the popping of a plastic bottle being opened. Sebastian pulled down Blaine’s pants entirely.

Suddenly, something cold and moist touched Blaine just below his balls, making its way to his hole. Sebastian’s fingers started to rub the rim, gently first, then more firmly.

“How much prep do you need?” Sebastian asked between heavy breaths.

Blaine didn’t care about that either. Maybe he even wanted it to hurt a bit. “Forget about that, just do it, come on,” he demanded.

Sebastian’s fingers disappeared and Blaine felt something bigger push against his hole. He heard a desperate moan when Sebastian started to push into him. Initially, the stretch was rather painful, but it was exactly what he wanted.

At this point, Blaine wasn’t able to make sense of the random thoughts in his mind anymore. He let them enter and leave like waves, just as he was letting Sebastian enter and leave his body with hard thrusts. Here he was, having sex with his nemesis Sebastian who had almost blinded him while trying to injure Kurt. Here he was, left by Kurt because of a moment exactly like this one, a delirious interval that would be over way too soon.

When Sebastian grabbed his cock again and started to rub him while still fucking him in ecstasy, Blaine allowed himself to be completely taken over by the bliss that started to build up inside him. His mind was blank except for some random flashing thoughts. Sweaty, happy people on the dance floor, the way Sebastian had looked at him with this incredible desire before their first kiss. And then, there was Alex’s terrified stare after Blaine had kissed him. Alex’s longing, mysterious eyes before it all happened. Alex’s face didn’t leave his mind until he felt himself getting close and his mind went completely blank when he finally came.

At the sight of Blaine’s orgasm, Sebastian couldn’t hold back any longer either and came inside him, filling up the condom. “Fuck, Blaine... Oh my god...” Sebastian let his sweaty body lower down on Blaine’s, obviously spent.

Coming down from his orgasmic high, Blaine suddenly couldn’t take the closeness between them anymore. He pushed Sebastian away gently and moved back slowly, so Sebastian’s limp cock slid out of him. Even though Sebastian’s obvious preparations for this sexual encounter were pretty lame, Blaine was glad to find tissues in the compartment between the front seats, cleaned himself off and pulled his pants back up.

Sebastian was leaning back on the left back seat, still panting with closed eyes. “Blaine, you’re so fucking hot,” he chuckled. Blaine looked at him with some amusement, but the buzz was slowly wearing off and a creeping uneasiness started to overcome him. Maybe he had made another dumb mistake.

“Thanks,” he replied swiftly with a forced smile and reminded himself that, this time, he was single and he could do whatever he wanted.

When Sebastian finally cleaned himself up and got dressed again, Blaine’s drunkenness had almost faded completely, leaving behind a throbbing headache. “So what are we going to do now? You can’t drive back like that,” Blaine asked. It was getting cold in the car and he regretted losing his shirt at the club. Fortunately, he had left his jacket on the passenger seat.

Sebastian shrugged his shoulders as if he couldn’t care less. He had gotten all he wanted. “Guess we could take a nap for a couple of hours, get breakfast somewhere and then head back in the morning. Unless you still want to go to Dalton.”

“Gosh, no.” Blaine was feeling shittier by the minute. He climbed on the passenger seat and moved the backrest back as far as possible. Sebastian followed to the driver’s seat and did the same.

“’Night,” Sebastian mumbled with a smile on his lips and seemed to fall asleep immediately. Blaine, on the other hand, lay there in the dark on the uncomfortable car seat and a tsunami of shame washed away the last bits of bliss that had remained from his little backseat adventure. He sighed quietly and waited for sleep to come and release him, but it didn’t.

* * *

After several miserable hours, Blaine finally drifted into a state of unconsciousness. It didn’t take long until he was woken by a hand in his pants and an insensitive “Rise and shine!” from Sebastian’s mouth very close to his ear. Blaine winced in shock and, by reflex, threw a punch into the direction of the offender.

“Fuck!” Sebastian exclaimed next to him and when Blaine finally blinked his eyes completely open, he saw that Sebastian was pressing the hand that had just been in Blaine’s pants against his bleeding lip.

“Oh... I’m sorry. But what the hell were you thinking?” Blaine mumbled, still so sleepy, but already so annoyed. His head felt as if nails were being hammered into it.

Sebastian glared at him angrily. “I wanted to surprise you with a little wake-up job, but it seems like you don’t appreciate such niceties.”

Only now, Blaine thought of asking himself where he was and why on earth Sebastian might have gotten the idea that Blaine would like to be woken up like that. With a flash, the memories from last night were back. For fuck’s sake... It had actually happened and wasn’t just a nightmare. He had let Sebastian fuck him on the backseat of a BMW. It couldn’t have been tackier.

Blaine felt the sudden urge to open the car door and run away, but he remembered that he was in Columbus. He pulled his phone out of his pocket for the first time since last night and realized that it was off. Empty battery. Fuck.

He felt Sebastian still glare at him in rage for a while, until his eyes finally softened and he let out a chuckle. “Babe, I actually like a rough handling. Maybe you can give me more of that when we’re back in Lima. I bet you’d like my cuffs, too. I’ll forgive you for shedding my blood if you give me a nice kiss.”

Blaine stared at Sebastian in disgust. “What the hell do you think this is?” he said slowly, his voice trembling. “Congratulations, you finally managed to get what you want. But it only happened because of the alcohol and it is never going to happen again. You knew that I wasn’t feeling well and you took advantage of me. Nothing to be proud of.” Blaine couldn’t really be sure, but the way Sebastian’s face changed after these harsh words, one could almost think that he was hurt.

“ _I_ took advantage of _you_? Holy crap. Wasn’t it rather the other way a-...” Sebastian abruptly stopped as if he had already said too much. He bit his lip and stared at something far away or maybe nothing at all.

“Can we just go home?” Blaine didn’t feel like discussing their hookup any longer. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. There was anger, shame, a throbbing physical pain from the hangover, and now confusion mixed in as well. Sebastian was known to be a player and Blaine had known ever since they met for the first time that Sebastian wanted to hook up with him, like he did with probably every gay guy he ever met. How could he accuse Blaine for taking advantage of _him_? Sure, he let it happen and didn’t exactly contribute much. Was that what Sebastian meant? Was he pissed because he’d had to do all the work?

Sebastian gazed at Blaine again with eyes that would have killed him if they had been able to. Thankfully, Sebastian finally started the engine and steered the car out of the parking lot. As soon as they were back on the highway, Sebastian turned the volume of the music up and Blaine was glad that he didn’t have to talk.

Pissed as he was, Sebastian ignored the speed limit even more ruthlessly than the night before and they were back in Lima in an hour. When they pulled into Blaine’s street, Blaine was surprised that Sebastian actually still had the decency to drive him all the way home.

When Blaine opened the car door and got out, he forced himself to turn to Sebastian and say, “Thanks for the ride.” Only after the words were out of his mouth, Blaine caught the double meaning and Sebastian let out a bitter laugh.

Sebastian looked at Blaine as if he wanted to spit him in the face. “Fuck you, Anderson.” Once again, Sebastian didn’t even wait until the car door was closed until he hit the gas and sped away with squealing tires.

Blaine’s eyes followed the car as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. He had lost a good amount of grey cells to alcohol, one of his favorite shirts, his dignity - once again -, and maybe even something like a potential friend.

* * *

Several hours later, Blaine had showered three times and had, without success, tried to dull his headache with pain killers. He unplugged his phone from the charger and turned it on. Three missed calls from Alex, no voicemail. Fuck.

Blaine had to head over to Sam’s soon because they’d been planning on lifting weights together that day. Of course, Blaine didn’t really want to do that anymore, but he didn’t want to bail on Sam. So he tried to get himself together and made his way over.

Sam greeted him with a beer and Blaine immediately felt sick at the thought of more alcohol. “No thanks, bro, I’m fine,” Blaine mumbled with a painful smile.

“Uh, you don’t really look fine though,” Sam remarked and looked at Blaine with an x-ray gaze. “Was it at least good?”

Blaine remembered that he’d mentioned in a text message that he’d go out with Sebastian. “We were at a pretty huge club in Columbus and it was packed, so yeah, it was fun.”

“No, I mean, was _he_ good?,” Sam inquired with a surprising seriousness.

“What do you mean?” Blaine’s compromised brain wasn’t able to make sense of Sam’s weird investigation.

“Well, I saw his post. The one he posted one or two hours ago, the one saying, ’Nightbird down,’ or something like that.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped and he didn’t know what to say, so Sam continued. “Yesterday he posted that he was going on ’Mission Nightbird’ or something like that. So after his post today, I figured he scored with you,” Sam concluded with a shrug.

“What the f-!” Blaine hissed in disbelief. So this asshole had been taking advantage of him. And for a minute or so, he had even started to believe that he had hurt Sebastian’s feelings and that Sebastian maybe wanted more from him than just a quick fuck. But now Sebastian was bragging about it on social media. Great. Some of his friends might even understand Sebastian’s stupid word games, just as Sam obviously had.

“Wait, why are you even following this guy?” Blaine asked with a whiny, desperate voice. This was so much worse than he’d thought.

“He writes pretty decent concert reviews for that local music magazine I like. But hey, he didn’t force you to anything, did he? Were you being safe?” All of a sudden, Sam sounded worried.

Blaine let himself drop to the floor, closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes, we were being safe, and no, he didn’t force me. I let it happen. I guess I wanted it, too. At least at that moment. I was very drunk.” As if that was an excuse good enough for something that stupid. Once again, he would have to come to terms with what he’d done.

Sam, who was sitting on his desk chair, looked down at Blaine with an amused grin. “Well then, congrats?”

“Fuck, no!” Blaine spat in rage. “I’m not proud of it. It didn’t mean anything and it shouldn’t have happened. I was dumb once again. The only upside is that I didn’t cheat on anyone this time.” He buried his face in his hands and wished the frustration would fade.

“Sorry, man. I didn’t know that this is such a touchy topic. Most guys our age are happy when they get laid, no matter by whom. Maybe it’s different for gay guys?” Sam seemed a little shocked when Blaine shot him a very pissed gaze following this comment. “Hey, I’m sorry, but it’s not the end of the world. You are single and you have needs. I heard that teenagers’ hormones are a wild mess and...”

“Okay, stop it,” Blaine interrupted him. “I get it. Let’s just start with the weights, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Sam gave him a thoughtful look. “Alright. At least, you’ve already had your rebound. But if you want to talk, you know I’m down for it. And I would absolutely love to punch that douche in the face.”

Blaine sighed, still frustrated, but at the same time thankful in a way. “Thanks, but that’s already been taken care of.” He shouldn’t take his self-loathing out on Sam. He should rather be glad that he had a friend like him and the rebound thing was probably true. But now, there was nothing else to talk about, maybe except for his other major fuck up in less than 48 hours. The whole day, he’d been trying to stop his thoughts from drifting to a certain guitarist. But he couldn’t bother Sam with that on top of it all.

When had he lost his sense of decency? First he’d thrown himself at a straight guy, then he’d let his nemesis throw himself at him. Blaine was sure the latter wouldn’t have happened without the former, but there was no excuse. He’d become a desperate wreck and neither his friends nor Freddie had been able to help him out of his vortex of bad decisions.

Blaine suddenly remembered that Alex had tried to call him the night before. He hoped this meant that he hadn’t scared him off for good. Or did Alex just want to tell him that the band would look for another lead singer? Blaine wasn’t sure if he had the nerve to find out the truth right away, so he suppressed the urge to return Alex’s calls and tried to focus on the weights instead.


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday before the winter break, 15 minutes before Glee practice. Alex was considering flaking. He hadn’t tried to call Blaine again because... what was the point anyways? Honestly, he didn’t have an excuse for not calling him other than cowardice, but Blaine had ignored his calls and even turned his phone off on Saturday night. He obviously didn’t want anything to do with Alex, so it would be better for both of them if Alex didn’t go to the Glee meeting. But he’d just talked to Kyle ten minutes ago and it would be really weird if he didn’t show up at the practice.

So he went to the choir room and tried not to pay attention to anything other than the band. He imagined the invisible curtain Josh had been rambling about was there. Alex kept his eyes on his instrument and didn’t even see Blaine until he heard him say something at some point.

Alex successfully managed to avoid Blaine until the end of the practice. He quickly put the guitar in its bag and hurried to the door when he heard his name.

“Alex! Wait up, please.”

Alex stopped and closed his eyes. Not here, not now.

“Do you have a minute? I... I saw that you called me on Saturday. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear my phone and then the battery died,” Blaine said in a low, nervous tone.

Alex turned around. Blaine was standing right behind him now, his smile insecure and his golden eyes somehow begging. Alex’s heart started to hammer in his chest. He had to fix this now. Blaine didn’t deserve to feel that way.

“Yeah, uhm... We should talk. Should we go somewhere?”

“Yes... or we could stay here? The others are all gone already.” Blaine looked at the floor and seemed to be just as uncomfortable as Alex.

Alex hadn’t even noticed that the others had left. “Okay,” he replied briefly, stepped to the door and closed it, so they had more privacy. When Blaine walked back to the chairs and sat down with a lowered gaze, Alex followed him and took a seat two chairs away from him.

Blaine inhaled audibly and finally looked Alex in the eyes. “As I said, I’m really sorry and I hope you...”

“Can I stop you right there?” Alex interrupted him.

Blaine winced as if he had been slapped in the face. Alex’s heart sank, but he had to man up now and free this beautiful creature from his unnecessary feelings of guilt and self-reproach.

“I called you because I wanted to tell you that... that I’m a complete idiot. You don’t have to apologize, I should.” Oh god. Alex felt his eyes tear up a little and his voice was already shaky. “I like you, I really do and I’m so sorry that I pushed you away.” He quickly wiped away a tear before it could fall. “I wanted you to do what you did, but... but then I freaked out somehow. I had never before...” Alex couldn’t finish the sentence or else he’d really start to cry. He hoped that Blaine would understand that part without a lengthy explanation.

Blaine’s expression had entirely changed several times during Alex’s confession. It had gone from fear to confusion to surprise to relief to awe. “Okay,” he said slowly and Alex could see a hint of a smile. “So I didn’t make that all up.”

Alex nodded in affirmation. “I’m really sorry that I made you feel like you did.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. I was out of line. Can we maybe... start over? I promise to be a gentleman this time.” Blaine’s hopeful smile made his amber eyes shine and Alex’s heart melt.

“Sure... if you’re willing to be patient with me. I’m damaged goods... as Ms. Garcia would be able to confirm.”

Blaine chuckled. “I was going to give you a similar warning, but you already know about that appointment with Dr. Hamilton.”

Alex felt a thousand tons lighter and Blaine’s smile showed him that he felt the same.

“So,” Blaine gave him a look full of hopeful expectation, “about that new start. Would you like to go see a movie together? Maybe on Sunday after Christmas? I have to stay with my grandparents on Long Island over the holidays.”

“Yes, of course. What would you like to see?”

“I think there are a few good options right now. Let’s just decide when we get there.”

“Alright, I’m all for spontaneous.”

“Except if a guy kisses you... Oh, too soon?” Blaine had a challenging grin on his face that made Alex laugh, but also threw a mock punch at Blaine.

“Oh, you like boxing, too? Yet another thing we have in common. Keep them coming,” Blaine chuckled and jumped up, striking a boxing pose.

“You’re adorable,” Alex said grinning, stood up and grabbed his bag. “See you at Mess practice tomorrow?” He couldn’t believe that his massive fuck up seemed to have been forgiven in mere minutes. Jess had been right.

Blaine nodded with a boyish, happy smile that made him look as if he’d just gotten an ice-cream cone with sprinkles.

Alex couldn’t but take a careful step towards him. “Can I hug you?”

Blaine just shrugged his shoulders. “Can you?”

Alex stepped forward, threw his arms around Blaine and buried his face in his dark hair. Blaine used less hair gel now, but he still smelled like raspberry. Alex inhaled deeply and tried to take everything in, the alluring scent, how their bodies lined up against each other, Blaine’s strong arms pressed around his back, his own arms holding Blaine’s broad shoulders.

The memory of their kiss was back on Alex’s mind and he wanted to feel Blaine’s soft lips again. But it was better to take it slow this time. When he felt a very unambiguous reaction to their closeness in his pants, he slowly loosened his embrace and stepped back.

“Thank you for understanding,” Alex said with an apologetic smile. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Blaine said softly and Alex walked out of the door with butterflies raging in his stomach.

* * *

Blaine stayed in the choir room a little longer. After Alex had left, he dropped down on the stool in front of the piano and tried to cool down. He still couldn’t believe that he’d just managed to make up for one of his missteps - which had turned out not to have been such a huge misstep in the first place.

High on endorphins, Blaine started to play some random melodies on the piano which helped him to process what had just happened. He’d just asked out an incredibly handsome guitarist with breathtaking eyes who liked some of the same crazy stuff he did and who seemed to kind of like him back.

After twenty minutes of playing a few tunes, Blaine grabbed his bag and left the school building with light steps as if he was walking on air. He happily whistled the melody of a song that had got stuck in his head. As he reached the steps in front of the main entrance, he stopped abruptly when his eyes fell on a dark blue Porsche in the empty parking lot. A tall, blond guy was leaning against the hood with crossed arms. It was already dark, but he was wearing sunglasses.

Blaine knew that there was no way to avoid the confrontation, so he started to slowly walk towards the car.

“Sebastian. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at Dalton?”

Sebastian took off his sunglasses and looked at Blaine with a vacant expression. “I’m _sick_ ,” he replied without further explanations. Where was his stupid smirk?

“I see,” Blaine replied and maintained his stern gaze. “So what brings you here? How did you know that I’d be here now?”

“Everybody knows that your little club meets on Thursday afternoons.” Sebastian’s eyes tightened. “Get in the car, it’s freezing here.” He climbed into the car and gestured impatiently with his hands when Blaine hesitated. What the fuck was this supposed to be? Blaine decided to play along, sat down on the passenger seat and closed the car door.

Apparently, it wasn’t Sebastian’s goal to drive away and kidnap Blaine because he just stared at the steering wheel. He finally looked at Blaine and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he remained silent for another few seconds. “Why did you do it?”

Blaine had feared that this would be about their night in Columbus again and, of course, it was. So Sebastian still thought he was a victim of sorts. Blaine felt rage well up in him. “Do _what_ exactly?” he spat.

“Make out with me. Have sex with me.” Sebastian still looked pissed, but, this time, Blaine was sure that there wasn’t just fury in Sebastian’s eyes, but also hurt.

Blaine took a deep breath and tried to control himself. “Because you clearly wanted to and I did, too, at this particular moment. I’d had a rough week.” When Sebastian didn’t say anything, his anger only grew. “I can’t believe you expect me to feel guilty for what happened. Don’t act like you don’t pick up guys every weekend. You were clearly after me, like you are after basically every gay guy in Ohio. I bet you have a list of them and you finally got to tick off my name. You literally chose the BMW that night because you wanted to bone me on the backseat and, as I was told, you even announced it on social media.” Blaine was close to dragging Sebastian out of the car to beat him.

Sebastian let out a bitter laugh. “I guess that’s what it feels like when things backfire.” He sighed and looked earnest again, maybe even sad. “Look, Blaine, I see that you think you’ve figured me out. But you’re wrong about me, just like I was wrong about you. I didn’t take you for the kind of guy who fucks around... maybe except for your one-nighter with Eli.”

“Of course, you have to bring up Eli. How the fuck do you even know him?” Blaine snapped and stared at Sebastian furiously. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of the night he cheated on Kurt.

Sebastian’s typical smirk appeared on his face for a second.

“Oh right, you hooked up with him, too. And you’re seriously saying I’m wrong about you.” Blaine shook his head in disbelief. “Why are we even having this conversation?”

Sebastian seemed to fight with himself. He stared out of the windshield and breathed harder. At last, he turned to Blaine and said with a tremble in his voice, “Because I wanted it to mean something.”

Somewhere at the very back of his mind, Blaine had dreaded something like that. He swallowed and his bitter gaze softened a little.

“Why do you think I hated Kurt so much? I hated him because he was your boyfriend. I would’ve hated anyone at his place. Now that he’s gone, I thought that... Ugh, fuck this.” Sebastian shook his head in frustration and turned away.

Blaine’s mouth was very dry all of a sudden. He could tell that it had been very hard for Sebastian to drop his callous demeanor and make this confession. Blaine forced himself to say something because he couldn’t stand the silence anymore that had fallen between them.

“Okay, I’m sorry... I really didn’t know that you felt that way.” All Blaine could do now was to be honest. He felt like he owed Sebastian that much. “I thought you just wanted to have fun and I needed a distraction from something bad that had happened. I thought it was clear that this would be a one-time thing. I’m sorry if you thought that I would only make out with you if I liked you. Until not too long ago, I thought that about myself as well, but it turns out I can be a real idiot sometimes. And, apparently, I was an idiot that night. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, Sebastian, I really am... but I like somebody else.”

At the last sentence, Sebastian’s head shot around and he looked at Blaine with a bitter smile. “Oh really? You move fast.”

Blaine’s gaze hardened again. “What’s that supposed to mean? Kurt broke up with me months ago.”

“Who is it? Do I know him?”

“Why should I tell you that? So you can set his house on fire?” Blaine hissed. His anger was back in full force and his hands were clenched into fists.

“No, so I can screw him. He could still be missing on my _list_ ,” Sebastian snapped sarcastically.

Instead of doing something he’d later regret, Blaine quickly opened the passenger door, jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut with force. Without looking back, he rushed towards the exit of the school parking lot. He heard the Porsche’s engine roar and tires squeal behind him. The car passed him before he reached the exit and Sebastian angrily made the engine roar again before he turned into the street and sped away loudly.

Blaine didn’t stop walking. He just wanted to get away from that scene. He was still enraged, but he realized that he also felt sorry for Sebastian. Only hours ago, he had still been under the impression that his attraction to Alex was one-sided and that feeling had been horrible. For Sebastian, it had to be even worse because Blaine had agreed to a level of intimacy that should actually be reserved for lovers. Sebastian was only the second person with whom he’d gone that far. He knew that meaningless sex was the most natural thing in the world for many people, regardless of their sexuality, but, to some extent, Sebastian had been right. Blaine was a hopeless romantic at heart and he usually looked down at playboys like Sebastian - except, this time, the tables seemed to have turned.

Still, one had to consider the circumstances. Blaine had been really down, really drunk, and really sleep-depraved. His desperation had been the only reason why he had agreed to go out with Sebastian in the first place. Also, Sebastian had done everything to live up to his playboy image, so there was no way Blaine could have realized that Sebastian had wanted more from him than a meaningless hookup.

Blaine decided to shove the memories of what had just happened into some dark, far away corner of his mind. There was no way he could fix the problem called Sebastian. Instead, he tried to focus on the fact that he would be going on a date after Christmas. Thinking of Alex finally made him smile again.


	8. Chapter 8

The next band practice went as well as the first, minus the awkward ending. They decided to try different styles to find out what suited them best as an ensemble. They played a couple of cover songs from The Shins to Panic! At The Disco to Linkin Park. It turned out that Blaine was too cowardly to try screaming, so it was obvious that they wouldn’t ever play Metal festivals which was fine for everyone but Eric.

At the end of the practice, they decided to do some homework over the winter break and come up with some riffs, lyrics and fragments of their own composition, so they would be able to piece together something that might eventually become their own sound.

Alex had enjoyed the Mess practice particularly because he’d made it a game to exchange telling looks with Blaine every now and then while the other band members were completely oblivious to the secret connection between the two.

Christmas came and went, it didn’t matter much to Alex. His brother was home from college and his family celebrated together with his aunt and uncle. The Standalls didn’t care about gift-giving and it was more of a holiday for spending time together. It was kind of nice, but it would have been nicer with Blaine who was on Long Island for the week. Alex received a few text messages from him and he could tell that Blaine was bored out of his mind at his grandparents’.

Fortunately, the Sunday after Christmas came around quickly and Alex picked Blaine up at his house.

“Nice mansion you got,” Alex commented as Blaine hopped inside the car. “What are your parents? Doctors? Lawyers? Rock stars?”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “My mom is a real estate agent and my dad is a lawyer.”

“Oh wow. But they didn’t buy you your own car?”

“No, they wouldn’t bother trying to make me happy. They’re nothing like your parents. I’ve been the black sheep of the family ever since I came out,” Blaine said with a bitter smile. “They didn’t even care to spend Christmas with me. They sent me to my grandparents while they were having a jolly time in the Swiss Alps.”

“Oh, okay... I’m sorry to hear that.” Alex wanted to kick his own butt for starting the conversation with a topic that bad. He wanted to change it quickly, but he started to panic a little and ended up saying nothing.

An uncomfortable silence loomed over them for a few minutes until Blaine asked, “What’s this music?”

“Uhm, that’s Tame Impala.”

“The beat is awesome. I’d like to play something like that with the band.” Blaine moved his head to the rhythm.

“I think Kyle would go nuts if we covered one of these songs with Mess. He’s the one who introduced me to this kind of music. I’d really like to play something like it, but I don’t know about the other two. Were you feeling comfortable with the rockier stuff we played?”

“Sure, as long as they don’t make me scream and growl. That would murder my precious vocal chords. I think it will be fun to perform those songs on a stage. But yeah, this kind of chill music is more up my alley. Maybe we should bring it up at the next band practice. If the other guys don’t like this style, we should start a side project with Kyle. I like him.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy. He was the first person at McKinley who talked to me.”

Blaine looked at Alex with a hint of worry. “Did you have a rough start?”

“Kinda.” Alex paused. “But that didn’t really have to do anything with McKinley.” This time he had to change the topic. “So have you thought about a movie you’d like to watch?”

“Obviously, the new Star Wars or Avengers. I have to admit I’ve seen them both, so you can decide.”

Alex chuckled. “Do you really think that I haven’t seen them yet?”

They ended up watching Star Wars and while there was a severe lack of actual romance for a first date, Alex _did_ put his hand on the arm rest between them on purpose and Blaine _did_ carefully sneak his little finger underneath Alex’s hand at some point and Alex _did_ slide his hand entirely on top of Blaine’s and held it until the end of the movie. Alex felt his heart beat faster than usual the entire time.

When the movie was over, they decided to stretch their legs and walked through the illuminated streets for a while, talking about the movie they’d just watched and about their expectations for other movies that were supposed to be released soon. It had started to snow and the streets and sidewalks were already white.

The way back to the parking lot led them through a dark alley. It was so dark, Alex could barely make out Blaine’s contours. They’d stopped talking and their footsteps in the fresh snow were the only thing he heard. Alex inhaled deeply and acknowledged how happy he was that night. He hadn’t felt so much at ease and safe with someone since being with Jess.

In an inexplicable moment of boldness, Alex searched for Blaine’s hand next to him in the dark. He found it and squeezed it tight. Blaine stopped in surprise, but didn’t pull his hand away.

“Thank you for tonight,” Alex said. It was barely a whisper. “I think I said it before, but I was in a weird place then, so I’ll say it again. I like you.”

Alex took a step in Blaine’s direction and, slowly, leaned towards his face. He couldn’t see Blaine’s expression, but he could smell peppermint gum and a hint of raspberry hair gel. He was so close now, he could feel Blaine’s breath on his face. They were only inches apart.

Alex understood that Blaine didn’t dare move because of what had happened in the basement, so Alex worked up all his courage and closed the gap between their lips. As soon as Blaine realized that Alex had taken the first step this time, he gently wrapped his arms around Alex as they shared their first real kiss without doubts and regrets.

At first, Alex kept his mouth closed as their lips slowly moved against each other. When he started to gradually open it to take in more of Blaine’s peppermint taste, he felt the embrace intensify. Their tongues met, initially with caution, but it didn’t take long until they were entwined passionately.

Alex felt Blaine lean his weight against him and they stumbled back a few steps until Alex felt a cold stone wall behind him. Blaine pinned him against the wall with his body and cupped Alex’s head in his hands. Apparently, Blaine was so turned on, he’d forgotten everything about his intention to be patient. To his own surprise, Alex didn’t mind.

When their lips parted, they were both breathing hard. They could barely see each other’s features in the dark, but the lack of vision seemed to intensify every touch. Alex knew that Blaine was smiling, just like he was, even without seeing it.

Blaine leaned in again until their lips almost touched. He let his tongue glide gently over Alex’s upper lip, then up, over the septum towards the tip of Alex’s nose and back to the little ring. “I really like your piercing,” Blaine whispered.

“I really like your tongue,” Alex replied with a chuckle, biting his lower lip. He felt almost dizzy with arousal. Every cell in his body ached for more of Blaine.

But one of them had to be reasonable. Blaine took Alex’s hands in his and took a step back. “I think we should get going. I’m pretty close to losing control and I really don’t want to cross any boundaries again.”

Alex sighed playfully. “Okay, buzzkill.”

“Hey, you know exactly that I wish this moment would never end,” Blaine defended himself with a quiet laugh and squeezed Alex’s hands affectionately.

They lingered a few more seconds, simply enjoying their closeness under the cover of darkness. Finally, they started to slowly walk back to the car, hand in hand.

* * *

Blaine’s parents weren’t set to return until the second week of January, so Alex went to the Andersons’ house almost every day for the rest of the break. Blaine had decided to ditch his friends on New Year’s Eve and invite Alex instead for a cooking and movie night. Alex had to confess that he couldn’t cook, but Blaine wanted to show off his homemade lasagna and blueberry pie. Having been left alone by his parents for most of his teenage years had forced him to learn how to make his own meals.

Alex was impressed by Blaine’s perfect New Year’s Eve dinner. After dessert, he let himself fall onto the expensive-looking leather couch in front of the giant TV screen in the living room.

“This dinner was insanely good. You cook better than my mum.”

“That’s probably a major compliment, thank you.” Blaine sat down next to Alex. “So, movies now? What do you want to watch?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m so full and happy right now,” Alex replied smiling and closed his eyes.

“Do you know _Call Me By Your Name_?”

“No, what is it about?”

“It’s actually about two guys... I’ve already watched it twice, but I meant to watch it again.”

“Uhm, okay. Why not?”

As they were watching the movie, Blaine and Alex were lying on the huge couch next to each other and the longer the movie went on, the closer they moved to each other. For most of the time, they were holding hands and Blaine caressed Alex’s palm with his thumb.

Alex was captivated by the movie. It was about a summer love between two guys, one of them almost as old as Alex and Blaine, the other one in his mid-twenties. Alex could easily relate to the younger one, Elio, because being with a man was new to him and he experienced the same insecurities, but also the same longing.

When the movie was over, Alex was feeling completely sentimental and when Blaine looked at him to ask how he’d liked the movie, he was out of words.

Blaine seemed to understand why Alex had been stirred up. “This movie gets me every time. Best dad monologue in movie history. Elio is a lucky guy to have a dad like that. I wish I could take that scene and shove it down my dad’s throat.”

Blaine’s words snapped Alex back into reality. He was reminded of their earlier conversation about Blaine’s parents who hadn’t taken his coming out well at all.

“Uh, yeah, it’s a very encouraging scene.” Alex looked at Blaine’s bitter expression with worry, but seconds later, Blaine was smiling again.

“And the music is _so_ good. Come on, I want to show you something.”

Alex followed Blaine over to the grand piano in the corner of the adjoining room. Blaine sat down and started to play some notes that Alex recognized from the movie. Alex leaned against the piano and enjoyed seeing Blaine in his element.

When Blaine started to sing as well, Alex felt as if the ground under his feet had vanished. It was the most touching song he’d ever heard, sung by the most wonderful voice, coming out of the most beautiful mouth he’d ever seen. Alex felt illuminated, like a moon that had found his sun. He was head over heels in love with Blaine.

When Blaine had finished, he smiled at Alex’s bewitched expression. “Did you like it?”

Alex forced himself out of his trance. “Wow. That was amazing. What song is that?”

“ _Mystery of Love_ by Sufjan Stevens. This song is...”

“The most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. Especially your version.” Alex was still trying to make sense of what was going on inside him. He was so drawn to Blaine that he rushed around the grand piano, sat down next to him on the piano stool and pressed his lips on Blaine’s. Blaine kissed him back, opening his mouth lustfully.

Alex pushed Blaine off the stool and they both landed on the carpet, Alex on top of Blaine. As they kissed, Blaine slid his hands over Alex’s sides and back, first on top of the sweater, then underneath.

Blaine’s hands on Alex’s skin. Blaine’s tongue in Alex’s mouth. Blaine’s noticeable erection pressed against Alex’s left leg. All Alex felt was want for more of Blaine, his mind was shrouded in a cloud of desire.

Yet, after several minutes, Alex suddenly felt overwhelmed by his own boldness and pulled back. They looked at each other, panting. Blaine’s eyes were full of craving. He looked so seductive and Alex was so close to giving in, but something was holding him back.

Alex rolled off Blaine and dropped on the floor next to him. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, still panting. “I’m so sorry, but... I can’t...”

Blaine sat up to look Alex in the eyes. “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

Alex could tell that it was so not okay. Blaine was probably suffering as hell for not getting more. The huge bump in his pants said it all.

“No, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have led you on and then...”

Blaine realized that Alex was staring at his crotch and grinned with a hunch of desperation. “Uh, don’t you worry, that’ll go away. I told you I’m going to be patient.” Blaine closed his eyes and seemed to focus on his breathing. Not much later, he smiled at Alex as if nothing had happened. He got up and reached out for Alex to help him up. “How about another movie? Hey, what time is it?”

It turned out that it was ten minutes past midnight and the new year had already begun.

“I’m sorry I made us miss the countdown,” Alex mumbled, still feeling guilty for raising Blaine’s hopes and then dropping them like a hot potato.

“I’m not sorry. I was busy doing something more important,” he said with a flirty voice and softly kissed Alex on the cheek when they were back on the couch. “Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year.” Alex took Blaine’s hand and looked at him with an apologetic smile. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you,” Blaine mumbled while planting a kiss on Alex’s hand. “Another movie?”

“Please. Another one with good music?”

“How about _Drive_?”

“I would have taken you for more of a _La La Land_ type of guy when it comes to Ryan Gosling movies, but sure.”

While Ryan Gosling was driving through nocturnal L.A., Alex was snuggled against Blaine, drifting in and out of sleep. When he looked at Blaine after a while, he saw that he was sleeping deeply, his hair all messy and his lips slightly apart. Alex felt a rush of comforting warmth flow through his chest and closed his eyes again. There had been moments before this one when Alex had felt it, but right here and now, it was clearer than ever. He was so lucky to be alive.


	9. Chapter 9

“Blaine? Are you even listening?”

It was the first school day after the winter break. Sam was sitting across from Blaine at a table in the school’s cafeteria and had stopped his monologue about the legitimacy of Hawaiian Pizza.

“Dude, what are you looking at this whole time?” Sam turned around to see if he was missing out.

“Uh, sorry. I was just... It’s nothing,” Blaine mumbled and tried to piece together the scraps from Sam’s speech about pineapple that he still remembered. “But you can also put pear on a pizza. I’ve seen it, with walnuts and goat cheese.”

“That should only ever happen with Tarte Flambee and that’s no longer pizza. But anyways, what’s going on? The look in your face tells me that you’re currently picturing yourself with some guy on a Baltic Sea nudist beach.”

“Wait, what?” Blaine countered, outraged. “How do you even know there’s a Baltic Sea with nudist beaches?”

“Mr. Pearlman says it’s important to learn something about other cultures in Geography class. Man, you were there, too. Obviously, it helps _me_ to memorize stuff. But you’re changing the topic. Who is it? I haven’t seen you like this since... when we first met.”

“It’s nothing.” Blaine took a big bite of his pizza and focused on Sam to not raise any more suspicions.

“I thought I’m your best friend, but you ain’t telling me shit. I’m hurt,” Sam said with mock disappointment. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me. But I would like to remind you that I did listen to you whining about Kurt forever and it would be nice to hear the positive stuff, too. I’m not your trash can for emotional waste.”

Blaine looked at his friend remorsefully. “I’m sorry. It’s just... Look, you’re right. There is someone. But he’s not out and that’s why I can’t really tell you more. We spent some time together during the break and, yeah, he might have been the reason why I didn’t join you guys on New Year’s Eve, but I don’t know where this is going and if it’s really his thing. And even if it is, I don’t know if he’ll feel comfortable enough to come out anytime soon.”

Sam turned around again and looked at the other tables. He turned back to Blaine with a knowing smirk.

“It’s cute that you want to protect your new boyfriend, but I guess I have to break it to you: It’s more than obvious. You’ve been staring at the table where the school band guys are sitting and, while the keyboarder would pass as gay as well, I told you I’ve seen how that guitarist looks at you. What’s his name again, Alex?” Sam shoved half a slice of pizza into his mouth to reward himself for his clever reasoning.

Blaine felt the blood rush to his head and pressed his lips together in frustration. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. “First of all, he’s not my boyfriend... yet, and second, please don’t tell _anyone_ about this, not even - or especially not - Tina.”

“Don’t worry. I got your back. I think it’s great that you have a new guy. You look at him like he’s a Disney prince on a white horse.”

“Please stop with your stupid gender stereotype comparisons. I know exactly you’re picturing me in Cinderella’s dress right now, but just because I’m...”

“Geez, calm down. I’m not as sexist and shallow as you think I am. I was picturing you as the other prince on a black horse. If you want, I can also picture you two on those horses with cowboy hats instead of crowns.”

“Just shut up, please,” Blaine chuckled and dared take another quick look at Alex at the other table. When their eyes met, Blaine’s heart started to beat faster.

* * *

“Oh my god, that is so awesome, I’m so happy for you!” Jess exclaimed and sounded as excited as if Alex had won the lottery and offered to split the money with her. “Above all, I’m proud of you!”

As so many times before since he’d moved, Alex wished he could hug Jess through the phone. “Thanks for saying that. But in a way, I feel like that was only the very first step. Maybe it was the hardest one, but I have no idea how serious this will be and if I should risk... You know, I don’t know if he expects me to tell everyone. I know _he_ would tell everyone about us if I was out and I feel bad for making him keep a secret. It makes me feel like I’m holding him back or something.”

“You shouldn’t rack your brains over that right now. I bet he’s just really happy to be with you. So when was your first date at the movie theater?”

“It was about three wee-...”

“Three weeks and you’re only telling me _now_?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I wanted to wait and see how things go and I was really busy with the band and all. Josh got us a first gig as opener for his brother’s band. They seem to be kinda huge in Columbus. It’s going to be in two weeks already and we’re still trying to figure out if we should only play cover songs or also try some original stuff. We’ve already put three entire songs together.”

“Sweetie, I’m really interested in your band and I can’t wait to see and hear you guys, but I’d like to hear more about Blaine. Did you only have that one date during the break?”

“No, we hung out at his house a couple of times the week after Christmas. It’s huge and his parents weren’t home. Did I mention he plays the piano? They have a grand piano which is pretty awesome. I found out Blaine also plays the guitar and we jammed together. We came up with stuff for the band.”

“Come on, Alex. That sounds like you’re just buddies.”

“I’m not gonna tell you any intimate details. Neither do I want to hear about what Justin and you are doing in private. And just so you know, we haven’t gone further than kissing.”

“Do you want to go further?”

“Woah, why do you have to ask that? I don’t feel like talking... ugh. I don’t know, we’ll see. I mean, isn’t it obvious if you like somebody? Why do I have to say it out loud?”

“Sorry, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m just excited and I talk about this kind of stuff with my female friends. Anyways, forget I asked. I wish I could meet him. Two weeks is a little too spontaneous now, but can you please let me know when your next gig will be? I really owe you that visit.”

“Sorry for being such a prude. And okay, I’ll let you know.” Alex took a quick look at his phone and realized that his band mates would be there soon. “Listen, I have to go, we have Mess practice at 6.”

“Alright, hun. I hope to hear from you soon. Love you.”

“I love you, too, Jess. Bye.”

* * *

Half an hour later, the five members of Meticulous Mess had gathered in the basement and had started to play a rocky cover of Tame Impala’s _The Less I Know the Better_ , a song suggestion by Blaine and Alex that was happily accepted by Kyle and a little less happily by Josh and Eric. They were, however, outnumbered and then quickly realized that drums and bass were the heart of the song.

After several more songs, Josh got up from behind the drums to stretch his legs. “So guys, I talked to my brother again and his band wants us not to get too heavy, since their own stuff is so folky. They don’t want us to turn their audience off, or something like that. I know you two,” he looked at Blaine and Kyle, “would go along with that, but I’m pretty pissed. We wanted to be something like a rock band and I’d rather skip that gig instead of going all acoustic.”

“What the fuck are you saying, Josh? We’re not gonna cancel that gig. It is our first chance to play in front of an audience and it’s not even at an old folks’ home or a kid’s birthday party. We’re totally playing, even if we have to play Mariah and Whitney,” Kyle protested. “If you don’t want to join us, I can just set a beat on my keyboard and...”

“Alright, man, calm down. Anyways, how’s the song writing going? Haven’t you guys written a whole album by now?”

Startled, Blaine realized that Josh was looking at Alex and him. “Uhm... why would you think that?” he asked hesitantly.

“Well, you always stay longer than anyone else after Mess practice and I thought that’s because you’re writing together. Or aren’t you?” Josh shot them a suspecting look.

Blaine glanced at Alex who had become pale. “We actually do write sometimes, but we also watch _Arrow_ together,” Alex stammered.

“Hey, I’d watch that, too,” Eric said, a little unsure of what was happening.

“I don’t know if they’d want you to join, Eric.” Josh still looked back and forth between Blaine and Alex with a provocative gaze.

Kyle rolled his eyes and sighed. “Can’t we just play the next song? You always gotta make a scene, Josh. Just leave them alone and let’s play.”

“Leave them alone? I think if there’s something going on, we have the right to know. We’re a band.”

“What the hell are you even talking about? You’re being an idiot,” Kyle hissed at Josh.

“Oh, you know exactly what I mean. I said this would happen. Apparently, it didn’t take him long to discover that one of us is actually playing on his team.”

Blaine felt his blood start to boil and he took a step in Josh’s direction, hands balled in fists. “Look, if you’re a homophobe, just say it. I know you’ve had a problem with me from the start and it would’ve been great if you had spared us all some time and said that you want a straight singer back then. But whatever issue you have with me, leave Alex out of it.”

Apparently, these words hit a nerve and the harshness in Josh’s eyes faded slightly. “Okay... It’s not like that. I don’t have a problem with you being gay, I’m just saying we have a right to know if something is going on between you two.”

Kyle grabbed Josh at his shoulders and pushed him back towards the drum set. “You watch too much TV, Joshy, it has made you paranoid. Can we just play now?”

Blaine was still mad and didn’t even feel like singing anymore. He turned around and looked at Alex who hadn’t said anything during the whole scene. Alex was extraordinarily pale and obviously anxious, staring at the floor in a way that made Blaine worry. Blaine stepped closer to him and asked in a very low voice, “Are you okay?”

Alex’s eyes shot up at Blaine very briefly and he mumbled something Blaine didn’t understand. Blaine’s heart fell. Their relationship had only just started to intensify and Alex had opened up significantly. Whenever they were alone, it felt as if they were a real couple. They talked, laughed, kissed. But now that Alex was confronted with the true accusation that there was something between them, his confidence seemed to have collapsed like a sandcastle in a storm.

Blaine was sure that he would give Alex all the time in the world to accept his feelings. He was in no rush to share their connection with the world and he even enjoyed the intimacy of their secret. But it hurt Blaine to see how Alex seemed to be suffering when confronted with the prospect of someone knowing about his feelings for another man.

After band practice, Josh gave Blaine another suspecting gaze when Blaine didn’t leave with the other three. When Blaine was finally alone with Alex, he hesitantly walked over to the bar where Alex was standing with a beer in his hand.

“Are you okay?” Blaine had to make sure that Josh hadn’t set back everything Blaine and Alex had built together.

Alex met his eyes briefly and looked down again with a distressed expression on his face. “I’m so sorry. I should have told them, but I couldn’t.” Alex’s eyes were suddenly filled with tears.

“Oh no, don’t,” Blaine said softly and hugged Alex close. He was relieved when Alex didn’t resist and rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine rocked him gently back and forth as if they were dancing.

Unexpectedly, Alex lifted his head, just to meet Blaine’s lip in a desperate kiss. He then looked at Blaine with wet eyes. “I’m really sorry. I feel so bad for making you hide this. Don’t get me wrong, I _am_ sure about this... about you, but...”

“Shhh...” Blaine laid his right index finger on Alex’s lips. “You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s okay,” he whispered and gave Alex an affectionate, understanding smile. That seemed to reassure Alex whose tense lips melted into a soft smile as well. Blaine kissed away a tear on Alex’s cheek that had started to fall in relief rather than in fear.

“I really want to prove to you that it won't be like this forever.”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.” Blaine tenderly wiped away another tear on Alex’s face with his thumb.

“I think I wanna go to that gay bar you mentioned... for a start?”

“Is that a question? I can’t decide for you when you’re ready to do such things,” Blaine said with a chuckle.

Alex looked at Blaine with wide, sincere eyes. “I do want to go there with you.”

“Alright, how about next Saturday?”

“It’s a date.” Alex placed a quick kiss on Blaine’s lips.

Blaine left the house with mixed feelings. He wasn’t sure if Alex had felt pressured to suggest they could go to Scandals or if he was just hoping that the experience would help him come to terms with the things he’d only recently admitted to himself. Blaine carefully revisited the memories of their time spent together during the past weeks. He wasn’t aware of any missteps of his own. For a change, he’d done everything right so far and all he could do now was follow Alex’s pace.

Saturday was still almost a week away. Alex had enough time to think about their plan and change his mind if he didn’t feel comfortable enough to go to a gay bar yet. Blaine decided to manage his expectations.


	10. Chapter 10

Scandals was crowded when Blaine and Alex entered the club after presenting the two fake IDs that Sebastian had given to Blaine for past visits to Scandals and The Monastery.

Blaine was aware of Alex’s intimidated but also curious looks around. “Don’t worry, we’re definitely the only guys from McKinley here,” Blaine said with a reassuring smile and took Alex’s hand to lead him to the bar. “What would you like to drink?”

“A beer will do,” Alex replied, eyes still pinned to the dance floor that was packed with men who were having fun with each other.

Blaine ordered two beers and handed Alex a bottle. He didn’t know if he should be worried or amused. “Is this all too much?”

“Uhm, no,” Alex replied with an embarrassed smile. “It’s just... new.”

“I know what you mean. But I’ve really come to appreciate this joint. It feels like an actual safe place, you know. It’s the only club of this kind in the area. You just get to be yourself.”

Alex gave Blaine a challenging look. “Can you show me?”

“Show what?”

“You being yourself.” Alex’s seductive smile told Blaine what he meant.

Blaine lifted his eyebrows in surprise and moved closer to Alex. “You adapt quickly,” Blaine whispered in his ear and started to dance to the rhythm of the music.

When Alex joined in, Blaine moved even closer and rested his free hand on Alex’s hip. He carefully observed Alex’s eyes, looking for hints of unease. Alex, however, didn’t seem to feel uneasy at all. His blazing blue eyes were fixated on Blaine’s and the flirtatious smile was still adorning his face.

It was Alex who finally leaned forward and sought Blaine’s lips. Blaine returned the kiss softly at first, gently sucking on Alex’s lower lip. When Alex grabbed his shirt, pulled him close and started to tease him with tiny flicks of his tongue, heat flushed Blaine’s body from head to toe. He wanted, needed more.

Blaine’s hand wandered to Alex’s ass and pulled him tight, so their crotches were pressed together. When Blaine started to move his pelvis, he felt Alex moan into his mouth. The sensation almost drove Blaine crazy. His hungry tongue found the tip of Alex’s and their tongues started to circe each other in a deep, passionate kiss. Blaine was completely swept over by his desire and affection for Alex. At this moment, there was nothing in the world he craved more than tasting him, feeling him, being with him. Blaine wanted this moment to last forever.

“Get a fucking room!” a harsh, eerily familiar voice suddenly yelled next to them. Blaine was violently torn out of his trance and pulled away from Alex.

Sebastian greeted them with a smug and nasty smile. Blaine couldn’t believe this was happening. It was as if he had just fallen out of heaven and landed in hell.

Sebastian looked back and forth between Blaine and Alex. “So that’s your new boyfriend, Anderson? A really pretty one this time, but I don’t get why you keep falling for these girly types because I know for a fact that you like to bottom.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped in horror and his mind went blank for a second until Sebastian’s words sank in. He felt as if Sebastian had burst a balloon filled with hatred inside him that flooded every cell of his body within seconds.

“You fucking bastard!” he hissed and, before he knew it, he dropped his beer bottle and his fist flew into Sebastian’s face. Sebastian went down to the floor and Blaine jumped on top of him. “Wanna see me top, asshole?” Blaine spat and punched Sebastian again and again.

It didn’t take long until people started to interfere. Blaine was pulled back by several strong arms and he heard Alex shout his name repeatedly. A security guard escorted Blaine out of the club and Alex trotted behind them.

“I don’t want to see your face here again,” the guard grumbled when he let Blaine go outside. “This is supposed to be a safe place.”

Blaine let out a bitter chuckle at the irony of that remark. “You may want to remove the other guy as well then.”

“Hey, let’s go,” Alex said with a worried expression on his face. He had somehow managed to get their jacket and helped Blaine into his. It was a bitterly cold January night.

When Alex grabbed Blaine’s right hand, Blaine pulled it back immediately. Alex’s grip had caused a sharp pain in his knuckles. He looked at them and realized his skin was torn and there was blood all over his hand. “Shit,” he muttered and fumbled a paper tissue out of the pocket of his jacket with the other hand.

“We should go to my place. My mum’s a nurse,” Alex said softly and laid an arm around Blaine’s back.

Blaine looked at him skeptically. “Are you serious? It’s midnight or something like that.”

“She won’t mind,” Alex assured him and they started to walk next to each other in silence.

After a while, Alex dared to ask, “Who was that?”

Blaine sighed. His anger still hadn’t subsided, but he owed Alex an explanation. “He goes to Dalton and seems to think he has dips on me because of that. He terrorized Kurt and me when we were together. Can you believe I had to have eye surgery because of him? He threw a slushy with rock salt in it in my face. It had been meant for Kurt. So you know what he’s capable of and the last thing I need is that he starts messing with you.” Blaine stared down at the dark street as they walked. “His name is Sebastian Smythe, by the way,” Blaine added in a mumble.

Alex was quiet for a while, but then he asked, “What did he mean when he said you liked to bottom?”

“Uhm...” Blaine’s anger gave way to embarrassment. This was just great. “Uhm, you know, when two gay men have sex, one of them...”

“I know how that works,” Alex said quickly with an embarrassed chuckle. “I mean why does he claim to know for a fact what you like? It sounded like you...”

Blaine stopped and stared at the ground as if he was looking for a hole to vanish in. Alex turned around when he realized that Blaine wasn’t following him anymore and walked back to him.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Alex said softly.

“I feel like I do now.” Blaine was feeling entirely powerless. He would have to tell Alex the truth about one of his biggest, most regrettable mistakes and he had no idea what his reaction would be like. “He and I hooked up. I wish I could say it was a long time ago, but it wasn’t.”

“So when was it?”

“The day after I kissed you for the first time.” Blaine dared a careful glance up at Alex who looked as if he’d been struck by lightning.

“I was _really_ , really upset because I thought I’d scared you off for good,” Blaine tried to explain quickly. “He wanted to hang out with me and drove us all the way to Columbus to that huge club. I was super tired because I’d been up all night thinking about what I’d done to you and then I drank too much on top of that and... He had planned it all and I knew it, but I was fucking desperate and... and I let him do it.” Blaine’s eyes became watery and his voice was quivering. He so hoped that Alex wouldn’t just dump him right then and there.

“I’m pretty sure that was my all-time low. Well, morally speaking, cheating on Kurt was obviously worse. Whatever, now you know that I’m a slutty idiot who doesn’t have any dignity left to lose, but I swear I thought you would never talk to me again and...”

Blaine was cut off when Alex suddenly stepped towards him and pressed his lips on Blaine’s. It was a short but intense kiss and when Alex let go and looked into his eyes, Blaine asked in confusion, “What was that for?”

“For being an _hones_ _t_ slutty idiot.” Alex laid his hands on Blaine’s cheeks and softly caressed them with his thumbs. “Call me selfish, but if you hadn’t cheated, we probably would’ve never even talked to each other. And as for the other faux-pas, it moves me deeply that you were willing to sacrifice your dignity because of me,” he said with a sassy smile.

Blaine hadn’t expected such a laid-back reaction to his confession. He wasn’t sure if he should be glad or outraged about Alex’s lack of disapproval. “Wait, are you amused by the stories of my shameful and desperate sexual adventures?”

Alex leaned forward to whisper in Blaine’s ear, “Amused and a little turned on...”

“Oh my god, you’re drunk, let’s get you home,” Blaine laughed and took Alex’s hand. A sudden pain in his knuckles reminded him of the fight earlier and he quickly changed sides.

When they started walking again, hand in hand, Blaine noticed that Alex was looking at him every now and then. “For the record, I’m not drunk,” Alex said grinning, “and I should probably thank you for defending my dignity, so at least one of us can still claim to have some. But the guy wasn’t actually too far off. I’m totally girly, have I told you about my DVD collection of _Sex and the City_?”

“You’re kidding,” Blaine chuckled and pinched him into the side.

Alex jokingly punched him back. “I am, but I do like _Buffy_.”

“Everybody likes _Buffy_!” Blaine replied with a wide smile. He hadn’t thought it possible, but Alex had managed to make him feel good again after this disastrous situation. As they walked, he held on to Alex’s hand as if it was a lifeline.

* * *

15 minutes later, they’d reached Alex’s house. Although it was almost 2 p.m., Alex’s parents were still up in front of the TV. Alex’s dad, Bill, introduced himself briefly and went to bed right away. When Carolyn greeted them sleepily, it became clear that they had just stayed up to see Alex come back home safely.

“We thought you might call and ask us to pick you up,” she said between yawns. “The movie you watched was really long, wasn’t i-... Jesus, Blaine, what happened to your hand?” Carolyn exclaimed when she saw the blood. “Sit down and let me have a look.”

Alex and Blaine sat down at the kitchen table and Carolyn joined them after getting a first-aid kit. She cleaned Blaine’s knuckles carefully and looked at them closely. “You’re lucky, you won’t need stitches, but it does look pretty rough. How did that happen?” she asked with a concerned expression on her face.

“I...” Blaine shot a glance at Alex, “fell off my bike on the way to the movie theater,” he lied quickly. “I was lucky I didn’t get hurt anywhere else, but I somehow tried to stop the fall with my fist.”

Carolyn seemed to buy the story and started to put some ointment on Blaine’s knuckles and a bandage around his hand. “I hope it was worth it and the movie was good.”

“I thought it was okay, but Alex was definitely more amused than I was. I thought it was a little too vulgar,” Blaine said and looked at Alex with a challenging grin.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “It was right up my alley. Some violence to keep up the tension, but not too much. A self-deprecating hero who almost loses his dignity over some stupid decisions, but wins it back after rescuing his girl from an evil troll... Ouch!”

Alex rubbed his shin where Blaine had kicked him. They shared a conspiratorial smile that wasn’t lost on Carolyn.

“Okay, you guys are hilarious,” Carolyn said dryly, but she seemed to be amused. “Would you like to have a cup of tea?”

Blaine couldn’t believe Carolyn’s patience. “At this hour? I mean... if you don’t mind. I wouldn’t say no.”

“It would be a pleasure. You boys always hang out in the basement, so I don’t really get that many opportunities to get to know Alex’s friends,” Carolyn said with a warm smile. She started to boil some water and took three mugs out of a cupboard.

Alex suddenly looked very serious and stared at the table. He seemed to collect himself and took a deep breath. “About that... Mom, I want to tell you something.” Blaine froze when he understood what was about to happen.

Carolyn set the mugs down on the table and smiled at Alex curiously. “What’s that?”

“Maybe you should sit down.”

Carolyn looked worried again and took a seat at the table.

“Mom, I... we... I think you should know that Blaine and I are more than just friends.” Alex looked at his mother with an expression full of fear and hope at the same time.

Blaine’s eyes wandered back and forth between Alex and Carolyn. The gravity of the moment intimidated him, but his heart had sped up mostly because of his excitement and awe.

Surprise was written all over Carolyn’s face. Her hazel eyes were wide and she seemed to be speechless for a moment. “You mean... you are... boyfriends?” she asked slowly.

“I... I don’t know, mom. We haven’t discussed that yet.” Alex looked at Blaine nervously.

“I would like to be your boyfriend,” Blaine said with a shy smile and took Alex’s hand under the table.

“Okay, I guess we are then.” Alex smiled back at Blaine with twinkling eyes.

Blaine’s heart was racing at an alarming speed. He squeezed Alex’s hand and tried to keep himself under control. All he wanted at that moment was to kiss Alex, his _boyfriend_ , and hold him tight. But they weren’t alone. Blaine was reminded of what was happening when Alex started to look worried again. His gaze wandered back at Carolyn who still hadn’t said anything.

“I hope you are okay with that,” Alex said, barely a whisper.

It took Carolyn a few more seconds to take in the news, but, finally, she got up, walked around the table to Alex and hugged him from behind. She pressed a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I’m more than okay with it if you’re happy.” She laid her hand on Blaine’s shoulder and smiled at him fondly. “Welcome to the family.”

Blaine was overwhelmed by happiness. That night was easily the most intense emotional rollercoaster ride he’d ever been on. “Thank you so much, Carolyn,” he managed to say somehow.

Alex looked serene now. He stood up to give his mother a proper hug. When he sat down, he immediately took Blaine’s hand again.

Carolyn remembered that she had actually planned to make tea and after that was done, they sat together a little longer and chatted about the band and school.

After a while, Carolyn started to yawn again and asked, “So Blaine, should I drive you home now?”

“No, mom, he’ll crash here,” Alex replied without hesitation.

Blaine was taken by surprise. He quickly looked at Carolyn to see her reaction. She didn’t seem to be opposed at all.

“Should a fetch a blanket or do you know...”

“I know where the blankets and pillows are, thank you. We’ll go upstairs now.” Alex hugged her again and gave her a kiss. “You’re the best. Uhm, will you tell dad?”

“About your boyfriend? I think you can do that in the morning. Bill will be asleep now anyways,” she said with a whimsical smile. “Good night, you two.”

* * *

Upstairs in Alex’s room, Blaine collapsed on the bed and let the events of the past hours sink in. He was still overwhelmed, but in the best way.

“I can’t believe you just came out to your mom. Just like that.”

Alex jumped on top of him and grinned like a Cheshire cat. “And _I_ can’t believe you said we should be boyfriends, boyfriend.” Alex leaned down to meet Blaine’s lips for a brief kiss.

“And I can’t believe how cool your mom is. She buys you beer, stays up all night to wait until you’re home in case she has to pick you up, she fixed my hand without asking further questions and now she’s letting me sleep here? That’s crazy. She’d do everything for you, wouldn’t she?”

“She’s just happy when I’m happy because, not that long ago, I was in a bad place.” The serious expression on Alex’s face was suddenly back.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s not talk about it now.” Alex pressed his lips on Blaine’s again and pinned him down into the mattress with his entire weight.

The night could have been a total disaster after Sebastian’s attack, but now Blaine was lying in his _boyfriend’s_ bed, his _boyfriend_ on top of him, and the fireworks in his belly started again. It didn’t take long until they were back to where they had left off at Scandals.

This time, Alex hadn’t been able to keep up his teasing for long. As soon as Blaine felt the tip of Alex’s tongue touch his own, he couldn’t hold back. His tongue followed that tip into Alex’s mouth. Their tongues danced around each other in a heated kiss. Blaine wrapped his arms around Alex and explored his back, hands slowly sliding down towards Alex’s ass.

“Mmm... Are you in that infamous slutty mood right now?” Alex asked between kisses.

“You bet,” Blaine replied with a chuckle and, seconds later, he’d rolled Alex over onto his back, so he was on top now. He lowered his pelvis and made their crotches rub against each other. Blaine was already hard as a rock.

When he noticed Alex’s surprised look, he remembered how their first kiss had gone so terribly wrong and reminded himself that they’d wanted to take it slow. Alex had just come out to his mom and they had only just agreed that they were in an actual relationship. Maybe that was enough for one night.

Blaine lifted his hips again and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, I think I got carried away. We don’t have to...”

He wasn’t able to finish the sentence because Alex suddenly grabbed Blaine’s chin, so he had to look him straight into his hungry eyes. “Shut up and take your clothes off.”

For at least the forth or fifth time that night, Blaine was at a loss of words at Alex’s unexpected moves. Blaine did as he was told and quickly tore off his shirt, pants and socks until he was only dressed in his boxers.

Blaine’s gaze was glued to Alex’s deep, longing eyes. He was back on top of him and felt Alex’s hands explore his chest, steadily making their way further down. Alex’s right hand didn’t stop at the waistband of Blaine’s boxers and slowly entered the tight space between his skin and the soft fabric. Blaine let out a lustful moan when Alex’s hand finally cupped his balls and squeezed them.

Alex let his hand slide further up to embrace Blaine’s cock. Blaine felt as if an electric current was running through his whole body. His head dove down to find Alex’s mouth and Blaine started to kiss him with all that he had. Their tongues brushed against each other with hungry strokes.

Alex briefly removed his hand from Blaine’s boxers to grab a bottle of lube from a drawer in his nightstand. He put some on his palm, slid the hand back into Blaine’s boxers and grabbed his cock again. The lube was cold at first, but Alex quickly started to move his steady grip up and down Blaine’s shaft. Blaine lowered his mouth on Alex’s again for a passionate kiss, but he had to let go of his lips as soon after because his breathing was getting heavier, especially when Alex’s hand moved faster and harder. All he could perceive was the intense pleasure of arousal and of being close to this beautiful man. Blaine’s body was on fire and his mind went almost blank.

It didn’t take long until he came. He quickly pulled his unbandaged hand up to keep his release from spilling on Alex’s shirt. Alex grabbed some paper tissues from somewhere and handed them to Blaine, so he could clean himself off. Blaine’s blood was still boiling inside him and it took a while until his breath went back to normal. He lay down next to Alex. In the aftermath of his orgasm, Blaine’s mind remained clouded with bliss for several minutes. When Blaine had finally collected his thoughts again, he turned to Alex who had been watching him with utter fascination.

“That was pretty hot,” Alex acknowledged with an impressed smirk. “And I haven’t even taken my clothes off.”

“Yeah, it’s high time for that.”

“First, you have to take your boxers off.”

“Oh, you wanna see my dick? It looked a lot more impressive a few minutes ago,” Blaine chuckled.

“Doesn’t matter. It’s gonna be like that again soon enough.”

Blaine took his boxers off and kneeled next to Alex. “Your turn.”

Alex pulled his shirt over his head and unbuttoned his pants. Seconds later, Alex was only wearing his boxers. He waited for Blaine to take in his body so far until he slowly pushed down the remaining garment, revealing his hard cock.

Blaine moved back on top of Alex and sat back to look at his cock from above. He reached for it with his unbandaged hand and wrapped it with a steady grip. Blaine leaned forward again and supported himself with his damaged hand, looking deeply into Alex’s eyes. “Are you okay?,” he whispered and, after seeing Alex’s confirming nod, he dove down to kiss him again. Blaine lowered his hips and their cocks were pressed against each other. He could feel himself get hard again and wanted to rub himself against Alex, but no, he had something else in mind.

Blaine’s mouth started to wander down Alex’s neck and chest until he’d reached the soft hair below the navel. He lifted his head briefly to see if he had permission to go on. Alex’s eyes were dark with lust and he nodded again, impatiently this time. Blaine’s lips sank down again immediately and he started to lick down his way to the base of Alex’s erection.

Eyes now locked with Alex’s, he let his tongue gradually glide up the shaft. When he reached the tip, he paused for a few torturing seconds and finally sank his lips around Alex’s cock.

Slowly but steadily, Blaine took Alex in deeper and deeper with each downward motion of his head, his tongue curling around the tip every now and then. Alex had started to moan softly and couldn’t keep his eyes off Blaine who sucked harder and harder.

Blaine thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. Giving his man pleasure made him feel incredible and he was ridiculously turned on by Alex’s hard dick in his mouth.

When Alex came, Blaine didn’t pull back. He swallowed the full load and licked every last drop off the shaft. Alex’s head had fallen back in ecstasy and Blaine climbed on top of him again to see his face. Alex had his eyes closed and smiled blissfully. The sight of it made Blaine’s heart leap.

Eyes still closed, Alex mumbled, “Oh god, Blaine, that was amazing. You’re a sex machine...”

Blaine chuckled and, suddenly reminded of Queen week, completed the line of _Don’t Stop Me Now_ singing, “...ready to reload, like an atom bomb, about to oh oh oh oh oh explode!”

Alex laughed softly. “Oh no, Mr. Fahrenheit, not here and now. I’m spent and my parents’ bedroom is just down the hall.”

Laughing, Blaine rolled off Alex and looked at him fondly for a long moment. He knew this feeling. He was full of that incomparable warmth that wrapped his heart like a blanket and made every cell in his body feel alive. Blaine knew he had fallen in love again.


	11. Chapter 11

The day before the band’s first gig, Alex and Kyle met up at the Lima Bean. Their last band practice was supposed to be that evening, but Alex wanted to talk to his friend in private first.

The morning after the night out at Scandals had been amazing and terrifying at the same time. Waking up next to Blaine had seemed unreal in the best way, but reality had caught up with Alex when he had to face his dad at the breakfast table and tell him what he’d told his mother the night before. That had been the terrifying part, but Bill Standall had always been the cool kind of dad. He had even kept a straight face when he’d learned that Blaine had stayed the night and seemed to hit it off with him right away.

Coming out to his parents had been scary, but deep inside he’d known that he would be a lot luckier than Blaine. Even though Alex knew that they had his back, no matter what, their positive reaction made him feel an immense relief. But there was still a whole world of people who didn’t know about his relationship with Blaine and Alex had decided to change that.

“Do you always drink cappuccino with caramel, chocolate _and_ hazelnut syrup?” Kyle asked, chuckling, after they’d sat down with their drinks.

“Not always, I just like trying new stuff,” Alex replied and took a sip of the sweet brew.

“Are you ready for tomorrow? I’m not entirely happy with the setlist, but as I know Josh, it won’t be up for discussion anymore.”

“At least we were able to add _Cough Syrup_ and _The Less I Know the Better_ on it. And we’re playing three of our own songs, I think that’s pretty good.”

“Yeah, but the ones Eric and Josh picked? I don’t know about those. Limp Bizkit? Puddle of Mudd? Please. What decade are they living in? You don’t even need me for songs like that.”

“Josh said his brother’s band mainly caters to people around 30, so it’s not the worst idea. And Blaine seems to have fun singing those songs.”

“Which is quite surprising. In Glee Club, he used to always sing those lovey-dovey pop songs and show tunes. Maybe that was just the influence of his ex. By the way, I heard Kurt is studying at NYADA now. Pretty impressive.”

Alex hadn’t heard the news and raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, but avoided Kyle’s eyes. He felt that the moment had come.

“About Blaine...” He looked up at Kyle briefly before he continued. “There’s something I have to tell you. I mean, I have to tell it to the others as well, but I know you best and I wanted to tell you first.”

Kyle looked at Alex with a curious, encouraging smile as he did so often. “Okay. I’m all ears.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Josh was right about Blaine and me. We... like each other. When Josh said that he suspected something, it had all been pretty new and I didn’t know what to say, but it’s kinda serious now.” Alex looked at Kyle as if he had asked a question, waiting for an answer. He didn’t know what to expect.

Kyle’s smile quickly widened after Alex’s confession. “Wow. I have to say that I had a hunch as well, but that day I just wanted to punch Josh in the face. He can be such an insensitive bastard. But anyways, Alex, I’m truly happy for you two.”

Alex realized that he had been holding his breath and exhaled sharply. There it was again, the profound relief he’d already felt after telling his parents. “Thank you. Really, thank you for saying that.”

“Hey, what did you expect? Do you know me at all?” Kyle said with a wink. “I’m a guy with a lip piercing and purple glasses. Do I look narrow-minded to you?”

Alex grinned. “Well, I was hoping for your unconditional understanding, but you never know.”

“You even have my unconditional _support_. If Josh makes another scene about this, we’ll really kick him out of the band and use my drum machine. Are you going to tell the others tonight?”

“I was planning on doing that. I’m not sure if I’ll go through with it though. It depends on his mood.”

“Oh Alex. Listen, sweetheart. I’ve known Josh for a long time and if there’s one thing you shouldn’t do around him, it’s bowing to his moods. I’m serious about kicking him out of the band. Even if we do that tonight, his brother will still let us play tomorrow. He likes me.”

“You know his brother?”

“Yeah, he’s awesome. By the way, when I say he likes me, I mean he _likes me_. He was disappointed to learn that I have a girlfriend, but, to be honest, if it wasn’t for her... He’s pretty cute. Anyways, I think Josh’s homophobic tendencies are just a way to show the world that he’s nothing like his brother. It’s a weird sibling thing. Freud probably has a name for it.”

Alex couldn’t believe his ears. Even in a town like Lima, Ohio, there seemed to be quite a few other people like him. The fact that Kyle was at least bi-curious made Alex feel even more comfortable and safe in his presence. He took another sip of his cappuccino and couldn’t stop smiling. Finally, he felt prepared for facing Josh.

* * *

The following night in Columbus, Alex felt a little dizzy when he set up his gear onstage. The venue was bigger than expected and although he was used to performing in front of an audience, the first gig with a new band and with his boyfriend was something special.

Telling Josh and Eric about Blaine and him hadn’t been dramatic. Apparently, Josh had only been pissed before because something had been kept from him. Now that he was officially informed, he didn’t seem to have a problem with the fact that two of his bandmates were a couple, or, at least, he didn’t dare to protest.

“Hey Alex, Blaine, have you met my brother Liam?” Josh came up on stage with a tall, bearded guy with glasses who seemed to be at least five years older than them. “He plays on your team.”

This time, Josh got a punch from Liam for his remark. Alex wondered if the satisfaction Josh got from his own dumb comments was really worth the bruises.

“Nice to meet you guys,” Liam greeted them after sending Josh off to get some water bottles for the stage. “It’s great to have you here tonight. But I have to say, I’m surprised you’re still putting up with my little brother.”

“I don’t think we would bother keeping him if he wasn’t such a bad-ass drummer. We try to focus on the bright side. You gotta appreciate his honesty,” Blaine replied with a smirk.

“Nicely said,” Liam laughed and patted Blaine on the shoulder. “Have fun tonight. I have to go and look for our bassist. He was feeling sick earlier. Let’s hope he’s better now.”

“We’ll keep our fingers crossed for you,” Alex said and picked up his guitar to tune it. When Liam had left, he smiled at Blaine warmly. “How do you feel about the lyrics?”

“I think I’ve actually managed to memorize them all,” Blaine replied with a contemplative look. “I’m one hundred percent sure about the ones I wrote. I think I know all the cover songs as well by now, but if I happen to forget something, I’ll just improvise and make something up. Artistic freedom.” He shrugged and adjusted the microphone stand to his height.

During the soundcheck, the first people entered and just before Meticulous Mess was supposed to play, the venue was almost full. Backstage, the band formed a circle and Kyle took Eric’s and Alex’s hands who happened to be standing next to him.

“Guys, even though I won’t forgive you for that nu metal crap, I’m so stoked to be doing this with you. Let’s make a Mess that this crowd won’t forget anytime soon!” Kyle said with a wide smile and twinkling eyes.

Josh seemed rather nervous and kept biting his fingernails, Eric looked chill as always, and Blaine... Alex looked over to him. He was standing across from him in the circle.

Blaine was shining like a disco ball. His expression was bright and excited, his outfit was insanely hot. He looked like a rock star. His tight jeans were showing off his toned thighs and he was wearing a black leather jacket over his white t-shirt that Alex hadn’t seen on him before. Alex felt his mouth water and he caught himself thinking back to the night in his room. A pleasant shiver ran down his spine.

Alex was only reminded of where he was when Blaine started to speak. “I’m really grateful to you for letting me be part of this. I’ve never really done anything like this and I’m so looking forward to it.” Blaine looked at everyone in the circle with a sincere smile. When his eyes met Alex’s, he seemed to understand that his boyfriend was pretty turned on by his stage look.

A few minutes later when the others had scattered and Blaine was sure nobody else was looking, he locked eyes with Alex again and let his tongue slide over his upper lip with a teasing smile.

“Grrr, stop that, idiot!” Alex hissed with a big grin and punched Blaine playfully in the side. “You just want to hear me say it, right? Okay, you look smokin’ hot tonight. The girls are gonna love you. Satisfied?” he whispered in Blaine’s ear.

Blaine hooked a finger in Alex’s belt and pulled him closer. “Barely,” he whispered back. “Next weekend, my parents will be gone again. I hope you don’t have any plans yet.”

The thought of being alone with Blaine at his house again didn’t exactly contribute to Alex’s plan to cool down before going on stage.

“I’ll check my schedule,” he teased. “Next weekend... Isn’t Saturday Valentine’s Day? I may already have a date, but I’ll definitely check and let you know.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped in mock outrage and he was about to counter something when Alex heard Eric call, “I think we should get going!” Liam was waving at them from the stage entrance.

As they walked on stage, Alex’s pulse was still in overdrive from his little teasing game with Blaine. He was glad to put the strap of his electric guitar over his head and rest his hands on the cold wood. Feeling the instrument close to his body always calmed him down.

Alex took a deep breath and let his eyes rest on the crowd. The club was packed and when the music from the speakers stopped, even the chattiest people realized that the band had entered and shifted their attention towards the stage.

Blaine took the spot in the middle of the stage and grabbed the microphone. “Good evening, everybody. We’re Meticulous Mess from Lima and we’re here to rock your world,” he said with a deep voice and an irresistible smile.

Half a second later, the band started to play as if there were no tomorrow. They had decided to open the show with one of their original songs and picked the most energetic one to get the party started.

Fortunately, Alex didn’t have to concentrate much because he could play the riffs that he had written himself in his sleep, so he took every opportunity to watch Blaine perform. Even more so than in Glee Club, Blaine seemed to be right at home on this stage. He made his voice carry his emotions out into the world like nothing Alex had seen before. Not only was his singing spectacular, Blaine obviously also knew how to play with the audience. As the concert went on, he addressed the crowd between songs and made everyone laugh. Alex sincerely admired Blaine for his talent and his ability to captivate the audience. He was a born entertainer.

Just like a couple of months ago in Glee Club, Alex fucked up a few chords because he was distracted by Blaine’s brilliance, but at least, this time, it wasn’t because of a secret crush. This time, he was just amazed by his boyfriend and he was damn proud of him.

Halfway through Puddle of Mudd’s _Blurry_ , Alex caught sight of someone in the crowd he recognized. Not far from the stage, Sebastian was leaning against a wall. Still black-eyed, he watched the show with crossed arms and an expression that seemed to go back and forth between profound aversion and sadness. His eyes were glued to Blaine.

Blaine didn’t seem to have noticed Sebastian, or, if he had, he didn’t show it. He was completely immersed in his performance.

They closed their set with Young the Giant’s _Cough Syrup_ , a song Alex remembered from one of his first performances with the school band. Seeing Blaine sing the song on stage now made him remember that afternoon in the auditorium. He had been utterly captivated by Blaine’s emotional performance that day and, if he was honest to himself, it might have been the day he had fallen for him.

Alex’s heart skipped a beat when Blaine turned around during an instrumental part of the song and smiled at him like the shining star he was. Alex immediately had to look down at his guitar, laughing and shaking his head at himself. He’d almost lost his rhythm again because of Blaine. This guy was driving him insane. Kyle, next to him, had obviously seen Alex’s almost-mishap and seemed to be very amused as well.

After the last chords had rung out, the crowd applauded ecstatically. Alex was sure that most of it was for Blaine alone who had absolutely stolen the show.

“Thank you so much, guys, we hope to see you again soon!” Blaine said into the microphone, waved goodbye and left the stage, while the others started to unplug and pack up their instruments.

When Alex found Blaine backstage, he had already cleaned up and thrown on a fresh t-shirt.

“Where’s your hot leather jacket, Mr. Fahrenheit?” Alex asked him with a chuckle.

“Soaked. Sorry, I really had to get out of it. I don’t get how professional singers survive onstage in those extravagant outfits. I already felt gross after the first song. Anyways, Alex, you were amaaazing!” Blaine flung his arms around Alex’s neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Oh wow, you noticed me out there? You looked pretty busy flirting with the crowd. Well, thanks. I can’t even say you were amazing, because I think you were... otherworldly. I thought I was watching the reincarnation of Freddie Mercury. That show was sick and they loved you for it,” Alex said with a proud smile. Maybe except your wannabe lover, Alex meant to add, but he didn’t want to ruin the vibe. Maybe Blaine really hadn’t seen Sebastian.

“Woooow, Blaine, you rocked so hard!” Josh was suddenly standing next to them, grinning from ear to ear. “That was so much fun! I can’t wait for the next gig!”

Kyle joined them as well and laid an arm around Josh. “Awww Joshy, can you please always be that nice? I could get used to this.”

“Ugh, you can suck my dick,” Josh snapped and shook his head at Kyle’s remark, obviously not knowing if he should be amused or mad.

“Nah, thanks, but I wouldn’t say no to your brother’s,” Kyle replied casually.

Josh took a step back and starred at Kyle in horror. “What the fuck is going on? What are you guys not telling me again?”

“Okay, let’s get out of here,” Alex whispered to Blaine, grabbed his hand and pulled him away from Kyle and Josh before they had to witness even more of that ridiculous scene.

“Hey, that was hilarious,” Blaine said with a chuckle.

“Believe me, after a year of that, it gets old.”

“Oh, does it? Does this apply to our teasing as well? It turns me on when you do it.”

“That’s different. Kyle does it because he thinks it’s funny when Josh freaks out. I do it to turn you on.”

They had stepped outside the back entrance. It was a pleasant feeling to breathe in the cold winter air after playing in the hot, stuffy club.

“Brrr, now I could use my jacket.” Blaine was shivering and rubbed his bare arms with his hands.

“Aww, come here,” Alex said softly and hugged him close. Blaine smelled like smoke and sweat, but in a good way, a rock star way, and Alex pressed his face against Blaine’s neck. It was one of these moments that were occurring more and more often, when he wanted Blaine so badly that his insides almost started to hurt. Alex lifted his head to look into Blaine’s hazel eyes.

“Thank you for the hug, feels much better,” Blaine said gently with a low voice and settled his warm lips on Alex’s.

Alex kissed him back hungrily at first, but pulled back after a few seconds. “Sorry if I’m spoiling the romance, but you’ve been driving me crazy all night and we should stop doing this or something might happen... During the whole show, I was hoping that I wouldn’t get a hard-on onstage. I know this is embarrassing and incredibly immature and I should know how to control myself, but maybe you can take it as a compliment.”

Blaine chuckled and seemed to be amused by the confession. “Okay... Well, I’m flattered. And I can’t really say I’m feeling much different. So how about you accept my invitation for next weekend and we can take care of our problem then?” He let his hands slide down to Alex’s ass.

“Oh god, yes,” Alex moaned, but then quickly shook his head, trying to get rid of the images of Blaine’s bare body that had popped up on his mind. Now was not the time. “Okay, now let’s go and see Liam’s band.”

Blaine gave Alex a flirtatious smile, took his hand and they went back inside the hot and smoky club where the band had already started to play.

* * *

On the Tuesday after the gig, Alex, Blaine, Kyle and Sam were sitting together at a table in the cafeteria having lunch. Blaine was happy to see that Sam seemed to be getting along well with Kyle and Alex.

“I already told Blaine yesterday that I was sorry for missing your concert. I had a football thing. But I heard you’ve already been invited to open for another band here in Lima?” Sam inquired and took a bite of his sandwich.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Kyle replied with an excited sparkle in his eyes. “They were there to see Liam’s band, but the guitarist said that they liked us even better. They’re playing at the Steel Mill in three weeks and asked us to join. I hope you can make it then. I doubt you’ve seen Blaine perform like that before. He’s a killer on stage.”

Sam looked at Blaine with a disbelieving expression. “Okay... Are there no videos of this supposedly legendary performance? What do people have phones for nowadays?”

“Actually, there are some,” Blaine replied and added in a lower, coy voice, “and they’re pretty good.”

“Oh, don’t be so modest,” Sam chuckled. “Okay, I’m gonna have a look at them. And so, you guys are official now?” He looked at Alex who seemed surprised about the sudden change of subject. “Don’t worry, Blaine didn’t spill any beans, I just knew it before any of you guys knew it. I’m an excellent observer with a great sense of intuition. Must be the feminine side of me.”

Alex had to grin. “Oh really? Good to hear that you have yourself figured out. Anyways, official, I don’t know. I mean we’re not running around telling everyone, but I have no problem doing this.” He took Blaine’s hand into his on top of the table.

That was something Blaine hadn’t expected and the surprise almost made him choke on a piece of potato. He felt his cheeks flush and looked at Alex. His boyfriend was smiling at him and shrugged his shoulders.

“Go for it, guys,” Sam said with an approving nod. “But since you’re new to this, Alex, I gotta let you know that you can just call me whenever someone looks at you the wrong way. I currently have my football guys pretty much under control, but, and this is hard to believe, there may be idiots at this school that are not on the football team. You never know.”

“Like that guy?” Kyle asked with a chuckle and nodded in the direction of Josh who had just entered the cafeteria with a frantic look on his face.

Josh seemed to be looking for someone and when he caught sight of his bandmates, he came stomping towards them. He had his phone in his hand and pointed at the screen.

“Have you read this?” he snapped and didn’t bother taking a seat on the free chair. He was shaking with rage.

“What exactly?” Alex asked and looked at the other three boys who didn’t seem to understand what the fuss was about either.

“This bullshit review on the _Erie Sound_ website. The one that says that we sucked ass,” Josh clarified rudely and slammed his phone on the table.

Blaine couldn’t believe that anyone could have written a bad review of the concert. Literally dozens of people had congratulated him after the show and told him how awesome they’d been. He grabbed Josh’s phone and scrolled through the text. It was mainly about Liam’s band, but there was a paragraph about Meticulous Mess that basically tore them apart in a few sentences. He scrolled back up and down again to look for the name of the reviewer. There, at the top, it was. Sebastian Smythe.

Blaine’s body immediately froze and his brain went blank with rage. How could this be? He hadn’t seen Sebastian. Had anyone else? The other guys didn’t know him, except maybe Eric because they went to the same school and, of course, Alex.

“Did you see him at the concert? Sebastian? Was he really there?” he asked Alex with a trembling, almost accusing voice.

Alex, who seemed to be irritated by Blaine’s harshness, mumbled, “I... Uhm... Yeah, I saw him in the crowd when we were playing.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Blaine snapped at him. “Wasn’t it obvious that this would happen? I told you that he writes concert reviews. I could have stopped him!”

Alex stared back at Blaine, half shocked, half outraged. “How? By beating him up again?” Alex leaped up and looked down at Blaine with an expression of utter disappointment. “You know, I used to have anger issues and I’m still working on keeping them at bay every fucking week. Maybe you should go back to Dr. Hamilton as well and work on yours,” Alex hissed, grabbed his bag and stormed out of the cafeteria.

Blaine jumped up to run after Alex, but Josh grabbed his arm. “Not so fast. It was obvious to you that this would happen? You knew that some guy would be out to destroy us after our very first gig? Let me take a guess, is this some weird gay feud that you’ve dragged us all into? How fucking selfish are you?” Josh looked as if he was about to punch Blaine any second.

Sam got up quickly and pulled Josh away from Blaine. “Okay, brother, that’s enough. We’re gonna go outside for some fresh air. Don’t forget your phone.”

Josh shot another furious look at Blaine, but didn’t fight Sam who led him outside.

Blaine felt Kyle’s hand on his shoulder. “Come on, we should go, too.”

Once again, Blaine was horrified. Sebastian, his living nightmare, had struck back. It wasn’t even a surprise. He should have known that Sebastian would come to the concert and use it against him somehow. Now his bandmates had to suffer because of his mistakes and Sebastian had even managed to get between Alex and him.

“Hey,” Kyle said with the usual encouraging smile on his face, “who reads concert reviews nowadays? Don’t worry, this won’t harm us. You saw the positive comments on the videos people posted. Word-of-mouth has always been more important than lame reviews by local music magazines that nobody cares about. Their only readers are the bands they’re reviewing.”

“And Sam,” Blaine suddenly remembered. “Sam is following this guy because of his _decent_ concert reviews. I bet Sam read it, too, and didn’t tell me. Why the hell do my boyfriend and my best friend keep stuff like that from me?” Blaine asked with a whiny voice and sighed.

“I don’t really get who this guy is, but you seem to react pretty intensely when he’s brought up. Maybe they just wanted to protect you and not ruin your day. That’s actually pretty noble.” When Blaine looked even sadder after that, Kyle added, “C’mon, you look like a sad puppy. You’re breaking my heart. Let’s go look for Alex... or actually, we have to go to class now.”

“Do you think he will be mad for long?” Blaine regretted deeply that he had snapped at Alex.

“Alex? No way. But I do think you owe him an apology.”

During the next class, Blaine didn’t listen to a word his teacher said. Under his desk, he turned the screen of his phone on and off and on and off. He finally started to type a message.

B: _I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. And you’re right, I tend to overreact when it comes to S. Can we please talk after school?_

After Blaine had sent the message, he tried to pay attention to his teacher, but his eyes kept wandering back down under the table to see if Alex had replied. When he looked at his phone for the tenth time or so, he saw that Alex was typing and his heartbeat sped up.

Alex seemed to delete and rewrite his message a couple of times because it took forever until Blaine finally received it.

A: _Can’t, got therapy_

Blaine’s heart fell. Maybe Alex wouldn’t forgive him that easily.

B: _Ok_

B: _I know that you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want to upset me_

B: _Thank u for that! :)_

B: _Really, thank you. I’m so sorry, I cannot say it enough_

B: _I’d do anything to make up for it_

Okay, now you’re getting desperate, Blaine thought to himself, took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He forced himself to look at the chalkboard for two minutes until he peeked back at his phone.

A: _Anything? Ok, looking forward to the weekend..._

Blaine let out a snorting chuckle and quickly pressed one hand on his mouth. Too late, the teacher shot him an angry gaze and gone was his phone for the rest of the class. But Blaine didn’t care. Relief had made his heart feel lighter and he spent the next hour daydreaming of that moment earlier in the cafeteria when Alex had openly held his hand in front of everybody.


	12. Chapter 12

The following days, Alex kept some distance from Blaine. He still felt uneasy about what had happened in the cafeteria.

Sure, it wasn’t that big a deal, but Alex had to admit to himself that he was hurt. Or was he jealous? He didn’t understand why Blaine always freaked out when Sebastian was mentioned or showed up. Didn’t that prove that Sebastian mattered to Blaine somehow? Why didn’t Blaine just ignore him?

Another reason for not hanging out with Blaine at school every single second was that the withdrawal even made him more excited for the weekend. Whenever Alex tried to ignore his hurt feelings, which sometimes actually worked, his expectations ran wild. He knew that Blaine was ready for anything. Alex was the one who only had to consent. It made him feel cowardly and powerful at the same time.

When Alex arrived at Blaine’s house on Friday night, a huge, black SUV was parked in the driveway in front of the garage. Blaine’s parents were supposed to be gone already, so Alex didn’t question why the car was outside the garage. Maybe Blaine had gone grocery shopping with it or something like that.

Alex slowly walked up the path towards the majestic house. The neatly trimmed front lawn was still partly covered in snow. When he reached the dark wooden front door, he rang the doorbell without hesitation. Excitement had diminished every negative feeling and Alex was determined to make the most of the weekend.

He took his headphones off and pulled his phone out of his pocket to turn off the music. That’s when he saw that Blaine had sent him a message.

B: _My parents’ flight was cancelled, they’re leaving a little later. Can you come sometime after 8?_

The message had been sent fifteen minutes earlier, about when Alex had left his house. It was 7 p.m. now, the time they had agreed on. Great.

Alex didn’t have much time to worry about not having read the message sooner because the front door opened. A beautiful, brunette woman was standing in front of him. Well, she was beautiful, but her beauty was tainted by the annoyed expression on her face.

The woman looked at Alex from head to toe and didn’t seem too impressed, at least not in a good way. Instead of saying hello, she turned away from the door and yelled, “Blaine! There’s somebody here for you!” Facing Alex again, she said coldly, “You must be Blaine’s new boyfriend. Alan?”

Alex stared at her, flabbergasted. Only a few seconds after meeting Mrs. Anderson for the first time, he already understood why Blaine had repeatedly emphasized that his parents were so different from the Standalls. “Alex... I’m Alex. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Anderson,” he finally managed to answer.

Thankfully, Blaine was already at the door as well. He was out of breath and looked anxious. “Thanks, mom. That’s Alex... Uh, hi Alex. I got it, mom, thanks.”

Mrs. Anderson gave them both a disapproving look. “You didn’t mention that he would come over tonight, Blaine.”

Blaine sighed and rolled his eyes. He suddenly seemed more annoyed than anxious. “We want to work on songs for the band. Nothing to worry about. Weren’t you busy packing?”

After giving Alex another condescending look, Mrs. Anderson hurried away without another word. Blaine nodded into the direction of the stairs and invited Alex to follow him to his room.

When the door was closed, Blaine sat down on his desk chair and sighed. “Sorry about that. They’ll be gone any minute. Seems like you didn’t get my text on time. It’s Friday, the thirteenth, after all.”

Alex sat down on Blaine’s bed, still a little shaken by the encounter. “Wow. I have to say that you didn’t exaggerate when you talked about your parents.”

Blaine let out a bitter laugh. “You met the nice one. Let’s hope that you won’t have to meet my dad anytime soon.”

Alex shuddered. He felt the strong urge to get up and give Blaine a hug, but he wasn’t sure if that would make Blaine think that he pitied him. Alex didn’t, he rather admired him for bearing this kind of neglect.

“Blaine! Come down here!” a loud, low-pitched voice demanded. Blaine looked at Alex apologetically and left the room without hesitation.

Alex hoped that the Andersons would just say goodbye to their son and leave. In contrast to his last visits to the house, he now felt incredibly uncomfortable knowing that these people were around. How could two people have such a sweet, wonderful, talented son and not care about him? Maybe Blaine’s outbursts were a consequence of the terrible treatment he experienced at home. This thought felt like a revelation to Alex. Any trace of hurt that had been left disappeared.

Alex could hear a car being started outside and, seconds later, Blaine returned to the room. He looked frustrated at first, but when his eyes fell on Alex, he smiled as if nothing bad had ever happened to him.

“They’re gone,” Blaine announced happily and sat down on the bed next to Alex. Apparently, Alex still looked shaken because Blaine added, “I’m really sorry you had to meet my mum. And I’m aware nobody should ever have to say something like this, but I have to and it’s okay for me now. You can’t choose your parents, but you can choose your real family, like your friends or the band.”

Blaine paused and lowered his gaze. “You know, Kurt was my family for a while and I felt really lost when he was gone.” He looked up at Alex with a warm smile. “But now you are my family and that’s all I need.” With a chuckle, he added, “No pressure...”

Alex had to grin at the thought.

“You know, I think some people have much worse parents. I could’ve already moved out, but I didn’t because living here also has some perks to be honest. The way I see it is that I basically just had to accept that my parents are the kind of people who won’t come to my wedding.”

“You want to get married?” Alex realized that he had never ever thought about that topic before, especially not after admitting to himself that he was into a guy.

Blaine crawled onto his bed and sat up against the headboard. He looked thoughtful. “Well, maybe. I guess I’ve always been dreaming of a wedding somehow. Even though my parents have a problem with me, their marriage has always seemed admirable to me. But who knows, I don’t even know what I’ll do after graduation.”

Alex was glad that Blaine had brought up his graduation. He had thought a lot about what would happen in the summer, but he had never been bold enough to ask. “You really have no idea? Shouldn’t you have applied to colleges by now?”

“I did. I submitted plenty of applications. But even if I get accepted somewhere, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Suddenly, Alex felt something heavy inside him, like a rock that pulled him down. “Where did you apply?” he asked, barely avoiding a tremble in his voice.

Blaine’s eyes revealed a hint of sorrow. “I’m sorry I never told you before, but I submitted all those applications before we... I haven’t really thought about them since. I applied to a few schools in New York, L.A., San Francisco, but also Chicago and even Ohio State. There was a time when I wanted to go away as far as possible, but that’s not the case anymore.” A warm smile lit up his face. “I almost can’t believe it myself, but to be honest, I currently prefer Ohio State because I want to continue singing for the band. And I want to be close to you.”

Alex felt relief dissolve the rock inside him. He crawled up to Blaine and kissed him softly on his lips. Then he sat back and grinned at Blaine. “Great, I think my brother is looking for a roommate for the next year.”

“Oh right, you mentioned that he’s studying there. I bet he’s also nicer than my brother.”

“You have a brother? I’m supposed to be your boyfriend and I don’t even know you have a brother? What the...”

“Yeah, he lives in L.A. and is trying to become an actor. So far, he’s only made it into some TV commercials, but my parents are damn proud of him. I think he’s a jerk and he’s actually one good reason for me to stay away from the west coast.”

“There are plenty of reasons to stay away from the west coast.”

Blaine smiled at Alex inquisitively. “Aren’t you from California? Hey, you’re supposed to be my boyfriend and I don’t even know where you’re from.”

Alex sighed. Once again, he was asked to go back to where he didn’t want to go anymore. “Yeah, well, I’ve lived in a lot of places. But right before I came here, I lived in Crestmont. Bay Area.”

Blaine still looked curious, but also a little insecure. He took Alex’s right hand into his and squeezed it lightly. “You don’t want to talk about your past, do you? Does it have something to do with why you see Ms. Garcia?”

Trying to keep up something like a smile, Alex nodded. “That’s about right, Sherlock.”

“I’m sorry, but I sometimes think about why that might be. As if I could figure you out. Silly, isn’t it?” Blaine shrugged his shoulders and smiled sheepishly.

Alex kept his eyes fixated on his hand that Blaine was still holding. “You know, there are things I want you to know about. Like Jess. She’s my best friend and I wish you could meet her. She may actually visit me soon, so maybe you’ll get to meet her then.”

“I’d love to!” Blaine was obviously relieved by the positive turn the conversation had taken.

“She used to be my girlfriend and she thinks you’re hot, so if you’re interested in a threesome, I could ask” Alex said with a smirk and, seconds later, he was pinned down into the mattress by Blaine who had jumped on top of him.

“Before we talk about a threesome, the two of us should probably get some more practice,” Blaine said with a light laugh, but his eyes were lit with the fire Alex had been yearning to see again.

Alex lifted his head to meet Blaine’s lips halfway. He slung his arms around Blaine, pulled him down onto him and rolled them around on the bed until he was on top of Blaine. “I missed you all week. I missed this,” Alex whispered softly and the kiss that followed wasn’t soft at all, but blazing, fierce.

Blaine’s fingers were digging into Alex’s skin, his sides, his back underneath his shirt. Wherever they went, they left Alex ache for more. Soon, Blaine pulled Alex’s shirt and his own sweater off and started to open Alex’s belt.

For the first time, Alex didn’t feel anything holding him back. Before, on several occasions, there had been a strange fear inside him. This fear, however, had continuously faded into a mere shade of what it used to be. Now it was gone.

Alex leaned back, kneeling above Blaine, and watched him pull the belt out of the belt loops of his pants. He admired the craving glimmer in Blaine’s eyes as he opened Alex’s jeans and pulled them down. Alex watched the glimmer get even brighter when his stiff cock appeared above the waistband of his boxers. Blaine quickly opened his own pants, lifted his hips below Alex to push his pants down and kicked them off his legs.

Alex felt the urge to be close to every inch of Blaine’s dazzling body. He kissed Blaine on his chin, neck and collarbone and followed the sparse dark hair down his chest to his navel where Alex paused for a moment and inhaled deeply. Below the navel, there was more of the glossy, dark hair, forming an intriguing line downwards to Blaine’s erect dick.

Locking eyes with Blaine, whose longing gaze only turned him on more, Alex lowered his lips to Blaine’s balls and started to kiss them, lick them, suck them. Blaine’s pleasureful moans sounded like music to him. Alex licked his way up the shaft. Blaine’s skin tasted salty and sweet at the same time.

When he let Blaine’s cock slide into his mouth, Alex’s own arousal almost made him dizzy. Feeling Blaine’s length between his lips, on his tongue, pushing against his throat was something he had envisioned times and times before and, now that it was happening, it was even better than in his imagination. Alex experienced a feeling of delicious surrender and, simultaneously, one of power since Blaine kept begging for more.

Alex could tell that Blaine was close, so he was surprised when he felt Blaine tug on his hand. “Alex... Baby... wait,” Blaine let out between heavy breaths.

Suddenly worried, Alex lifted his head and let go of Blaine’s cock. Had he hurt Blaine with his teeth? He thought he’d been careful with those. Alex climbed on top of Blaine and looked down into his honey-brown eyes. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Blaine laughed, still out of breath. “Hell no, quite the contrary. You’re amazing,” he purred and gave Alex a short, but passionate kiss on his lips. “It’s just... I wanted to ask you...” Blaine’s eyes were full of longing again. “I want to feel you inside me.”

Alex felt heat flush his cheeks and some sort of lightning struck somewhere below his navel.

Blaine seemed to mistake Alex’s shocked excitement for rejection and quickly added, “I’m sorry, we don’t have to. It’s just something I’ve been thinking a lot and...”

Alex interrupted Blaine with a hot, open-mouthed kiss. He then looked him in the eyes and smiled with a hint of shyness. “I’d lie if I said that I hadn’t thought of it either.”

There was a spark of hope in Blaine’s yearning eyes, but he said with an insecure, trembling voice, “I understand if this is too soon.”

Alex shook his head and lowered his crotch against Blaine’s. With a more confident smile, he countered, “No, it’s not. I want you. So much, you can’t even imagine.”

Blaine didn’t say anything, but his hungry eyes told Alex everything. He leaned over to his nightstand to the right and took a bottle of lube and tissues out of it.

Alex watched in amazement as Blaine instructed him and showed him what to do with his fingers. Blaine explained that he didn’t always need all that much preparation, but Alex was terrified of hurting him and they had all the time in the world. So Alex lubricated his fingers and, lying next to Blaine, he let his hand slide between Blaine’s legs. He started to gently caress Blaine’s hole with light pressure, circling around it, against it, and, finally, into it. During all this, Blaine’s face looked so full of bliss, it made Alex shiver with excitement.

It didn’t take long until Blaine grabbed Alex’s wrist and pulled him up. Alex understood that Blaine wanted him now. Alex was oddly aware of his racing pulse as he pushed his lubricated cock against Blaine’s entrance. They locked eyes and Blaine nodded encouragingly, his gaze on fire, his muscular thighs spread widely.

When Alex slowly thrust into Blaine for the first time, he was overwhelmed by his feelings, both physically and emotionally. Blaine was so hot and tight and gorgeous below him. The pure intimacy of their union cracked something open inside Alex. It was as if the floodgates around his heart had broken, love was spilling out, flowing through his whole body, and, in his imagination, dripping down on Blaine. Seeing the bare affection in Blaine’s eyes made him understand what making love to someone actually meant.

Alex pulled back, only to thrust into Blaine again and again. He quickly found a spot and a rhythm that made Blaine moan and close his eyes in pleasure. Alex’s body was electrified, he was sure he had never experienced a similar level of arousal before. Blaine’s hot tightness around his cock made him forget everything else.

It didn’t take Alex very long to climax, it actually happened far too soon. He didn’t even have time to think about if he should come inside Blaine or on top of him. In a moment of ecstasy, Alex filled Blaine up with his warm release.

Knowing that Alex wouldn’t last long enough to make him come from penetration alone, Blaine had started to stroke his own cock and the sight and sensation of Alex coming inside him, pushed him over the top as well.

Alex collapsed on top of Blaine and buried his face in the pillow. Blaine’s skin beneath him felt just as hot and sweaty as his own, his cum was warm and sticky between their bellies.

After a few seconds of panting and recovery, Alex carefully pulled his cock, still hard, out of Blaine and looked at his boyfriend with a loving, but also inquisitive smile.

Blaine was glowing with affection. He lifted his head and kissed Alex passionately. The moment didn’t demand any words. They were both relieved, serene and in love.

* * *

On Saturday, Valentine’s Day, Blaine prepared a fabulous breakfast for them, including banana pancakes and scrambled eggs. When they were full, Blaine went to get his guitar, pens and a stack of staff paper and empty pages from his room. They made themselves comfortable in the room with the grand piano and started their jam session that would last for hours.

Blaine and Alex tried a few new covers, but they also came up with quite a number of original ideas that they noted down for the band. Blaine loved seeing Alex so immersed and creative. Even though Blaine’s guitar skills weren’t bad either, Alex’s talent still amazed him.

“How long have you been playing?”

Alex looked like he had to think hard about the question. “Hm... I think I started when I was 8? Or something like that. So yeah, around ten years.”

“That’s what I thought. I think I told you before that you’re amazing, right?”

“Not as good as you on the piano, sir.”

“Well, I started at 5 and I’m a year older than you, so that’s no surprise,” Blaine said with a wink. “I feel like I have to stretch my legs and move a bit, but it seems to be raining. I think I haven’t shown you our gym room yet. Wanna see it?”

Alex let out a snorting laugh. “Of course, you have a gym room. Who doesn’t? Yeah, let’s go.”

Blaine led Alex downstairs into the Andersons’ home gym. Alex seemed to be impressed by the size of the room and the variety of exercise machines it had to offer.

“So this is why you have the body of a short Greek god.”

“Thanks? Assuming that was supposed to be a compliment. But that comment was kinda rude, too, though. I don’t like jokes about my height. Your punishment is ten minutes on the treadmill. By the way, my height would have been perfectly average amongst the ancient Greeks.”

“My punishment? Ten minutes on the treadmill? Who are you? My master?”

Blaine looked at Alex with a provocative grin. “In your dreams, I bet I am. Come on, let’s go, ten minutes.” He turned on some music and started to work out on the chest press machine.

Alex shrugged his shoulders, turned the treadmill on and did as he was told. After five minutes, he already lost interest and turned the machine down to a walking pace. “I don’t think I’m a workout kinda guy, sorry. I’m already sweaty.”

Blaine laughed and got off the machine. “I guess we’ll have to take a shower then.”

“We?” Alex sounded equally surprised and excited.

“I can’t believe we haven’t done that before. Follow me.” Blaine led the way upstairs to the spacious guest bathroom that didn’t have a tub, but an extraordinarily large shower. He turned towards Alex with a flirtatious smile on his face. “Strip for me.”

“Woah, what’s it with the orders all of a sudden? I shouldn’t have used the word _short_ , I’m sorry. You don’t have to prove your manly dominance now...”

Blaine pressed his right index finger on Alex’s lips as he had done before. He looked Alex deep in the eyes, slid his left hand under Alex’s shirt and rested it on his chest. “Strip for me, _please_.”

Alex opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he seemed to quickly change his mind. A mischievous smile crossed his face. “Okay,” he said dryly, took off his socks and stepped into the shower, still wearing his clothes. He turned on the water and, seconds later, he was soaked, his blond hair darkened, hanging into his face, his clothes heavily clinging to his body. The naughty smile was back on his face and turned flirtatious as he started to slowly unbutton his long-sleeve shirt.

Blaine was already feeling hot and hard in his pants, so he quickly got rid of his own clothes, just in time to see Alex wring out his shirt before he threw it carelessly out of the shower right in front of Blaine’s naked feet.

Next, Alex lifted his t-shirt up to expose his wet torso. The water was still raining down in him. Blaine didn’t know what to look at – the alluring parts of Alex’s wet body that were slowly being exposed or his seductive face. Water drops were caught in his eyelashes and dripping down his beautiful nose and slightly opened lips.

The wet t-shirt landed in front of Blaine’s feet and Alex started to unbutton his pants. That was when Blaine couldn’t wait any longer. Two determined steps later, his naked body was pressed against Alex in the shower, his hands cupping Alex’s face and his tongue hungrily exploring his boyfriend’s mouth. They got rid of Alex’s soaked pants eventually and admired each other’s wet bodies.

“You know what I’d really like to do now?” Alex’s mischievous smile was back.

Blaine was ready for anything. “What would you like to do?” he asked, hoping Alex would just do it, whatever it was.

Alex grabbed Blaine’s shoulder, turned him around and pinned him against the tiled wall from behind. Blaine let out a surprised moan when Alex’s wet body pressed against him and he felt Alex’s hard cock against his ass.

“I would like to be inside you, just like this, right here and now,” Alex whispered into his right ear, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. “But I can’t because we don’t have lube here and it probably wouldn’t work so well under water anyways and it sucks that the porn industry is selling us pipe dreams.”

Blaine chuckled and somehow managed to turn around. “You may be right about the shower situation, but can you please attack me like this in my room sometime where we have lube?”

“With pleasure.” Alex cupped Blaine’s rear with his hands. “Have I told you that you have an incredible ass?”

Blaine felt heat flush his face. “I don’t think you have, thanks. By the way, I think that you have an incredible _everything_.”

Alex’s blue eyes mirrored his smile before he suddenly dove down onto his knees, his hands still resting on Blaine’s ass. His face was inches away from Blaine’s erection, the water raining down on his marble skin and darkened blond hair.

When Alex’s lips closed around his cock, Blaine had to use all his strength to stay on his feet. He watched as Alex grabbed his balls and the base of his dick with one hand and sucked the shaft with his beautiful, slick mouth. The feeling of Alex’s lips and tongue sliding around his dick was overwhelming, the sight of the sparkling water drops on Alex’s handsome face and body was absolutely stunning.

To Blaine’s surprise, Alex didn’t pull back when he came. Only after the contractions had stopped did Alex release Blaine’s cock and got back up. He had a triumphant smile on his lips. Blaine, still in his post-orgasmic stupor, met Alex in a deep kiss. He could taste his own saltiness on Alex’s tongue. A small, dirty detail that meant the world to Blaine.

* * *

When they were done fooling around in the shower, Blaine still wanted to shave, so Alex dried up and walked back to Blaine’s room alone.

The sheet music and pages with lyrics were lying all over the desk. The fresh memories of making music with Blaine made him smile. Without music, Blaine was an incredibly attractive guy, but, while making music, his magic fingers playing the piano and his golden voice lightening up the room, Blaine appeared to be a divine creature in Alex’s admiring eyes.

He walked over to the desk and let his eyes wander over the pages. Not all of them had been filled today. There were tons of sheets with chord successions scribbled all over them, countless pages of staff paper with notes, many with lyrics. Alex took some pages into his hands to look at them closer. He loved Blaine’s painstaking handwriting, the notes, the letters, everything looked beautiful to him.

Alex’s eyes fell on a page covered with lyrics that had been buried underneath the pages he’d picked up. It had the title _Deeper Currents_. He put the pages back on the desk, took the page with the lyrics instead and sat down on the bed. For a second, he was wondering if Blaine would be mad if he just read his lyrics without asking, but the lines had probably been written for the band anyways.

The words were clearly reflecting the feelings of a person in love, of someone enthralled, but at the same time puzzled by their lover.

_Behind these sapphire eyes, silent waters are raging,  
Behind these sapphire eyes, deep currents stir his world,  
Behind these sapphire eyes, deeper currents are waiting  
To carry me away._

Lost in thought, Alex let the page sink down. He knew why Blaine had written these lines. He was still behaving like an enigma when it came to his past. Blaine had opened up every single one of his wounds for Alex, had told him about everything, about being bullied, his terrible parents, even about Kurt. Blaine had let him in entirely. But Alex couldn’t keep pace. His past was locked away, untouchable. The words read as if Blaine was secretly despairing over it. Did he think that Alex didn’t trust him?

Alex put the page back under the stack of sheets and collapsed on the bed. Soon, he thought, he would break the ice. Soon, he would give Blaine everything he had.


	13. Chapter 13

For Blaine, Valentine’s weekend was only the start of several weeks of pure bliss. He felt like singing every second of every day.

Blaine spent a lot of time at the Standalls’ house, sometimes just for band practice, but mostly for hanging out with Alex and even with his parents. The Standalls treated him like their own son and Blaine finally felt like part of an actual family. They took him on several random family weekend trips to Chicago, to some frozen lake in the middle of nowhere, or just to a nearby breakfast diner.

Even though Alex kept up the mystery about some parts of himself, he seemed to be determined to show Blaine that he trusted him. Physically, they had reached a whole new level of intimacy. Alex was surprisingly open to new things. They did it on one of the couches in the Standalls’ basement, not far from Josh’s drum set. They did it against the grand piano when Blaine’s parents weren’t home. They did it on the backseat of Pam Anderson’s SUV – an act of rebellion against her, but, for Blaine, also an attempt at replacing his previous backseat experience with something more meaningful.

Meaningful it was, every single time. With Alex, it was an expression of love. Blaine loved the feeling of sweet surrender when Alex moved in him from behind, but, even more, he loved seeing Alex’s affectionate eyes when they were facing each other, no matter who was on top. When Blaine was on top, he was also always the receiving one, which was something he loved, too.

Of course, he couldn’t deny the desire to swap roles and feel Alex in a whole new way, but he would never dare ask for it. He was sure that, as with everything else, Alex would, one day, take him by surprise and be ready. Until then, Blaine had everything he could possibly wish for.

His relationship wasn’t the only thing in his life flourishing like the first spring flowers that were slowly cracking through the earth to soak in the fresh sunrays of March. The band developed in a way that Blaine hadn’t thought possible. Their second gig, this time in Lima, was a huge success, at least for a band that was only just getting started. Not only was the crowd more than pleased again, they also caught the attention of other local bands that asked them to play together. They were even invited to play at the Lima Spring Cleaning in April, a local festival that even drew some bands and music lovers from other states.

On top of that, Liam had introduced them to a guy who had set up his own little amateur recording studio. In one very long and pretty crazy day, they managed to record demos of five of their own songs. The recordings were far from perfect, but the boys were still proud. They uploaded the songs on the internet and shared them everywhere. Blaine frequently had the urge to check if they had received new hits or comments.

Overall, the reception was strongly positive. There was only one troll who kept writing insulting comments about the singer and the guitarist. Blaine knew it was Sebastian. After the roasting on the _Erie_ _Sound_ website, Eric had confronted Sebastian at Dalton and that had been the end of bad concert reviews. But apparently, Sebastian still needed some kind of outlet for his hatred and had turned to anonymous trolling. Blaine didn’t care. He was genuinely happy and he had decided that Sebastian shouldn’t have the power to change that.

In early April, after a Glee Club meeting, Tina, Sam and Blaine went to Breadstix for dinner. It had been a while since the three of them had spent time together.

“Guys, how long has it been? I feel like the last time we were here together was back in October when Blaine looked like the personification of misery. And now look at you, all happy and in love. I guess the plan we made back then worked pretty well.” She gave Blaine a wide smile which made him roll his eyes, but he secretly agreed that the difference between his emotional state back then and now was like night and day.

“The three of us were here together four weeks ago for my birthday. Thanks for entirely forgetting that,” Sam said with his mouth full of spaghetti and looked at Tina reproachfully.

“That doesn’t count. They were other people with us. I guess I just expected us to spend more time together in our senior year, but Blaine always hangs out with Alex and you hang out with... whoever the hell you are currently dating.”

“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? You make it sound like I change girlfriends like socks. That’s not true. And don’t blame us for not having time for you, I heard that you go to Chicago basically every weekend to hang out with Mike.”

Tina blushed lightly. “Well, that’s correct, but... Why does that sound like an accusation? You should be happy for me. I like being with Mike. It reminds me of the old days and makes me feel young again, like two years ago or so. Speaking of nostalgic feelings, I recently talked to Rachel. She says hi and she mentioned that she’s going to be in Lima for the Spring Cleaning. Kurt is coming, too.”

Blaine almost choked on his soda. He coughed so hard that tears welled up in his eyes. Tina and Sam stared at him in shock. When he finally managed to breathe again, a huge lump on his throat remained. He hadn’t seen Kurt in half a year and he had basically banished every thought of him. It had been hard at first, but after falling in love with Alex, thoughts of Kurt had become seldom. So seldom that Blaine hadn’t even thought of imagining what it would be like to see him again.

“Are you okay?” Tina asked, worried. Sam had the same puzzled look on his face.

“Yeah, I just... drank too quickly,” Blaine replied with an embarrassed smile, his voice still raspy. He didn’t know if he wanted to see Kurt. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Kurt to see him on stage. With Alex.

Tina and Sam seemed to know exactly that Blaine’s choking attack hadn’t really been an accident. With an apologetic expression on her face, Tina mumbled, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. You seem so happy right now, so I thought it wouldn’t matter much to you.”

“But you do remember October, don’t you? Ugh...” Blaine sighed dramatically before he continued. “Sorry, I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. For some reason, I didn’t think I would see him again so soon. But you know, maybe I won’t even see him. There are going to be many people. It’s just, if he happens to be there when we play, he’s going to see me, which is kinda weird. And... does he know about Alex?” Blaine tried to sound casual.

“Are you kidding me? You told me a few weeks ago that you texted Rachel. If you mentioned Alex then, and I bet you did considering how crazy you are about him, she probably told Kurt even before texting you back.” Sam rolled his eyes at the thought of Rachel’s chattiness. “But why would you even worry about that? You moved on. He probably has a new guy in New York, too. So where’s the problem? You should rather be worried about that weasel from Dalton. I bet he’s gonna be there. I’m not following him anymore, by the way.”

Blaine made a face when Sam mentioned Sebastian, but, secretly, it was mostly Sam’s comment about the possibility that Kurt might have a new boyfriend that had stirred him up. The thought hadn’t crossed Blaine’s mind before and it now evoked a weird feeling. Even though Blaine was in a happy relationship and didn’t really even think of Kurt anymore, he felt a spark of jealousy. One more thing he would have to get over. But that shouldn’t be all that hard, he told himself.

“You’re right,” Blaine said with confidence. “It probably won’t be weird if we just act like grown-ups. And as for Sebastian, I’m not worried about him anymore. Eric had a word with him. He won’t write crap about the band again.”

Sam didn’t look very impressed. “Let’s hope so. But you know that this guy has other ways to fuck with you.”

“Thanks for the warning, but this is really not worth talking about.” Blaine didn’t feel like discussing what Sebastian was capable of. At that moment, he didn’t care about Sebastian, even if he would be in the crowd at the Spring Cleaning. He tried hard not to care about the other guy who would be there either.

* * *

On Saturday, the band worked on the setlist for the Spring Cleaning. At the festival, they would have their largest audience yet. In the past, it had drawn up to 10,000 people over the weekend. Thanks to one of Liam’s friends, who was one of the organizers and who had become something like a fan, Meticulous Mess was set to perform on Saturday, the most popular day of the 3-day festival. Consequently, the setlist had to be perfect. The band had six original songs now, so there wasn’t much time for cover songs anymore and choosing them was getting harder and harder.

They also still made small changes to their own songs. It was mostly Josh, a merciless perfectionist, who requested improvements on a regular basis. He generally seemed to like Blaine’s lyrics, but, every now and then, he suggested a slightly different wording to better match the rhythm and Blaine usually agreed. That day, however, Josh had gotten up on the wrong side of bed.

“Man, I really like _Deeper Currents_ , but do you really have to use _he_ and _his_ , can’t you just use other pronouns instead? Like, couldn’t it be _you_ and _your_? I mean, do we have to ram it down our audience’s throats that half the band is gay? You might as well make out onstage, which is something I actually see coming considering the way you always look at each other...”

“Fuck you, Josh! I’ve had it with you!”

Four pairs of wide eyes stared at Alex. Sweet, timid Alex. None of the guys had ever seen him that furious. Even Blaine looked more surprised at Alex’s reaction than angry at Josh’s remark.

“Seriously, I want you to leave! Now! Get out of my house!” Alex felt like his blood was boiling. It almost felt like back then, back in Crestmont, when Alex had been torn apart by the guilt and grief over Hannah’s death, when rage had dictated his life.

When Josh didn’t move, Alex couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to make him pay for having made Blaine and him feel uncomfortable again and again, as if it wasn’t right that they were in love with each other. Alex tossed his guitar on a couch and stormed towards Josh with every intention to beat the living shit out of him.

Before Alex could reach Josh behind the drum set, he felt Blaine’s strong arms around him from behind. “Let me go!” Alex yelled. In his overwhelming rage, he wanted to hurt Josh more than anything. He didn’t even consider who was holding him back, so he tried to escape from Blaine’s grip, ramming his elbows into Blaine’s ribs.

Josh had jumped up and taken a few steps back. He looked puzzled, maybe even scared. His eyes wandered back and forth between Alex and Kyle. Maybe he expected his friend to help him, but Kyle only nodded towards the door. Josh quickly accepted that leaving was the best thing he could do, so he didn’t hesitate long and walked out of the door without another word.

When Josh was gone, Alex slowly came back to his senses. As soon as he stopped struggling, Blaine released him from his grip and Alex stepped away from him. He was still trembling. There was a throbbing pain in his head, his vision a little blurred.

Alex barely heard the others talk and didn’t even try to make sense of the words. He didn’t know how long it took until his rage slowly started to fade. Eventually, he realized that he was sitting on a couch, Blaine next to him looking worried, the others gone.

“Fuck.” Alex sighed. He couldn’t believe that Josh had managed to fuel the old rage that he had worked so hard to bury. Alex felt defeated. On top, he had probably physically hurt Blaine. Alex turned to him with a remorseful expression on his face.

Blaine smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. He was obviously trying to hide his frustration and worry. “You’re really strong. I think I have bruises all over my body. I wish you had given them to me in another context.”

“Ugh, I’m really sorry... Now you finally witnessed one of my infamous anger explosions.”

“I think I know what that feels like.”

“No, I think you don’t. I once almost killed my friends because that rage made me drive over 100 miles per hour in the dark without lights on.” There it was. One snippet of his past, out there, in front of Blaine.

At that moment, Alex thought that he would be able to continue. It made me take my dad’s gun and shoot myself. I tried to kill myself. A bullet shot through my head. A few millimeters further to the left and we would have never met. But if I hadn’t done it, we would have never met either.

Alex didn’t say any of it out loud. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Saying it out loud would have made his long gone past seem real again. Blaine would be worried or scared or think that he was a pathetic nut job, or worse, he would pity him forever. It would change everything.

Blaine seemed to be aware of his inner struggle and moved closer to Alex. With an affectionate smile, he lifted his left hand and gently ran it through Alex’s hair, pausing for a second when his thumb touched the scar above Alex’s right ear. Just a coincidence?

Blaine’s eyes were warm and earnest, his voice soft and clear. “Whatever happened, whatever demon you’re still fighting, I want you to know that I’m here for you.” He paused for a few seconds as if he was contemplating something, but then he continued with confidence and affection. “I love you.”

All of a sudden, the bad memories, Josh, and even the pain in his head were forgotten. Alex felt a warm shiver run from his head all the way down to his feet. Blaine had never said it before. Not like this. Not with these words.

Alex felt a smile tug on the corners of his mouth. He had thought it so often and it was a relief to finally say it out loud. “I love you, too.”

It was weird how powerful a few simple words could be. Maybe someday, they would be said casually, matter-of-factly, like an everyday thing. But at that moment, the very first time, they meant the world. They made Alex feel warm and optimistic and maybe even more in love than he had already been.

Blaine leaned in to kiss Alex softly on the lips, something he’d done so many times before, but, this time, Alex’s heart started to race again like it had done when they’d kissed at the beginning of their relationship. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was a very special one. It sealed their words, like a promise.

“Thanks for kicking Josh out. He really deserved it. But you know, I think I was less offended than you. I’ll just tell him that we live in the twenty-first century and that I’ll use all the pronouns I like. And maybe I will kiss you onstage sometime, I don’t care what people think,” Blaine said with a cheeky smile.

Alex cuddled against Blaine who laid his arm around him. “But what about your female fans? They’re not gonna be happy about that. What if they don’t like the band anymore if they see us kissing?”

Blaine chuckled. “Honey, you don’t know anything about women, do you? May I remind you of the Avengers fan fictions I showed you? They’re all mainly written and read by women. Women love gay men. If anything, they’re gonna love our band more because they can ship us.”

Alex frowned, puzzled. “Okay, this is weird, I don’t know if I want that. And I think that we’re very far from being famous enough to be ship-worthy. Am I responsible for your megalomania because I said that I mistook you for a reincarnation of Freddie?”

“Hey, I just think that we’re really good and I think we will have something like fans eventually. That is, if Josh doesn’t blow up the band before that can even happen.”

Alex sighed. “I’ll talk to him. I guess I overreacted. But he’s just such a jerk. Anyways, change of topic. I haven’t told you that Jess is finally coming. She will be here for the festival.”

“That’s awesome! I’m very much looking forward to finally meeting her.” Blaine suddenly paused and his face turned thoughtful. “I heard that some former McKinley students will be back in town for the festival weekend, too. One of them is Kurt, which is a little weird because I haven’t seen him in ages... But we may not even see him at all because there will be many people and, of course, it doesn’t even matter. Not really worth mentioning, I just thought you might wanna know.”

“Oh great, another ex. Maybe you should also invite the guys you hooked up with, the more the merrier. Oh wait, I bet Sebastian will be there anyways. Sorry, Jess is the only one I can bring to the party,” Alex joked with a chuckle, but deep down, a tinge of panic rushed through him. He remembered so clearly how Blaine used to look at Kurt and the way he admired them, the perfect couple. Did Blaine really look at him the same way now?

“Oh, will you shut up,” Blaine laughed and silenced Alex with a heated kiss. When Blaine let go and smiled at Alex, the affection in his eyes mirrored his words. “I love you,” Blaine said again and Alex had the answer to his question. Yes, Blaine looked at him the way he had looked at Kurt.


	14. Chapter 14

Jessica arrived on the Wednesday before the festival. Alex wasn’t sure if she was skipping school or if she had the week off for some reason, but he didn’t care. The most important thing was that she was finally there.

Alex had to go to class, but Jess knew how to keep herself busy while he was at school. Jess had always liked Carolyn who treated her like the daughter she never had. They enjoyed spending time together and went shopping more than once when Alex wasn’t available.

Of course, Jess came along to the Glee Club meeting on Thursday and gave a little guest performance because she loved singing just as much as the Glee kids. She was also good at it, so Blaine, who had only just met her for the first time, invited her to sing a spontaneous duet with him as well. Seeing the two most important people in his life sing together almost moved Alex to tears, but he managed to avoid a major embarrassment.

Afterwards, Alex and Blaine took Jess to Breakstix for dinner. Alex had expected that Jess and Blaine would get along well, but it was almost creepy how quickly they bonded. After twenty minutes of fashion talk that sounded like a foreign language to Alex, he was close to running off.

“Can we please talk about something that non-Vogue readers understand as well?” he interrupted them at some point with a cheeky grin. “I didn’t know what I was doing when I brought you two together. Big mistake. You’re turning each other into crazy fashion aliens from another planet. Have we even met before?”

“Haha, Alex, very funny,” Jess countered dryly. “Must be Blaine’s fault, he seems to have some kind of a superpower that makes people change.”

Alex frowned, puzzled. “What do you mean?” Blaine looked like he didn’t understand either.

“Sweetie, to be honest, I have never seen you this happy. You look better and healthier and more laid-back then ever before. Maybe I should have told you that in private, but Blaine certainly deserves some credit for that. You two seem great together. This is exactly how I pictured you guys together when you told me about Blaine...”

“Okay, you don’t have to repeat that now,” Alex said quickly with an embarrassed smile. “He already knows that I’m into him.” He briefly met Blaine’s eyes who seemed pretty amused.

“Anyways,” Jess continued, “you have much better luck with guys than I do. Justin and I kind of broke up again. I don’t know if he’s worth the constant trouble.” She sighed in frustration.

“It’s too bad that you live so far away.” Blaine smiled in a self-congratulatory way as if he’d just had the best idea ever. “I know a guy who would be perfect for you. He’s trustworthy, funny and, on top of that, he’s smoking hot. I’m pretty sure he’s single right now, but he lives in Lima. That’s the only problem.”

Jess looked intrigued. “But I’m in Lima now, I don’t see any problem.”

Alex was confused again. There was a guy in Lima who Blaine thought was smoking hot? “Who are you talking about?”

“Sam, of course,” Blaine replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh, isn’t that the well-shaped, blond guy from Glee Club?” Jess asked with growing interest.

“Yes, that’s him. He’s going to be at the festival, too. I think you guys should hang out a bit.” Blaine seemed to be excited about the idea of being a matchmaker.

Alex was still mulling over the fact that Blaine seemed to think that Sam was hot and felt a slight sting of jealousy again. Sebastian, Kurt, Sam... Alex wished that he didn’t care about any of them, but not caring wasn’t exactly easy when the matter involved Blaine. At least, Sam was straight, so there was nothing to worry about. Except Jess.

“Hey, aren’t you here to hang out with me?” Alex chimed in. “I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness, but we don’t see each other that often.”

“Aww, my baby is jealous,” Jess said jokingly. “Don’t you worry, you will always be my favorite ex and I will spend every minute of this weekend with you if you want me to. You’ll see, it’s gonna be awesome!”

Hopefully, Alex thought. It seemed like all the guys he had some reason to be jealous of would be at the festival. But yeah, he was probably just being silly. What was there to worry about anyways?

* * *

Blaine had been at the Lima Spring Cleaning a couple of times, but participating as a performer was a whole new story. He’d received a yellow wristband in advance that allowed him access to the backstage area, even on the days his band didn’t play. Of course, it wasn’t a huge festival and the backstage area wasn’t that fancy, but they had free drinks there.

On Friday, the first day of the Spring Cleaning, Blaine went to the festival with Sam after school. It was located outside of the city, on a huge grassy field, surrounded by endless farmland and the occasional row of trees. It looked like the weather would be good for the weekend and, although the air was still rather cold, many people used the festival as the first event of the year to sport their favorite band shirts, at least as long as the sun was still up.

Alex didn’t come along that day because he wanted to spend some alone time with Jess. It was understandable considering that they would probably spend the remainder of her visit at the festival.

Blaine had liked Jess immediately. She was warmhearted, witty, and very pretty. For a second, Blaine had wondered why he wasn’t feeling jealous, considering how close her friendship with Alex still was. It was comprehendible why Alex had fallen for her before and one couldn’t rule out entirely that it might happen again.

But rather than making Blaine jealous, their friendship made him wonder if he could ever be best friends with Kurt. The answer seemed to be a clear no. And wasn’t that a pity?

Liam’s band was the headliner on Friday night and Blaine thoroughly enjoyed their show. Every now and then, he looked out for familiar faces, but he only saw a few people from school and Sebastian who hadn’t seen him, so all was good.

On Saturday around three in the afternoon, the band met at Alex’s house and they all went to the festival together in Eric’s van that had enough room for all band members, Jess, and for the gear. They parked the van on the fenced-off gravel parking lot adjacent to the backstage area several hours before the performance, so they still had some time to see other bands play.

Alex appeared to be pretty nervous because he hadn’t played in front of so many people before. Jess did her best to distract him and to make him laugh, which seemed to work out well. Blaine, on the other hand, couldn’t wait to be back on stage. The bigger the crowd, the better.

Meticulous Mess were supposed to play at seven. About an hour and a half before their performance, several McKinley students arrived, members of the school band as well as Glee Club members. As soon as Sam showed up, Blaine introduced him to Jess. Fortunately, it wasn’t awkward at all. Despite Blaine’s cringeworthy attempt at matchmaking, Sam and Jess hit it off right away and started to make fun of Blaine together.

Blaine shrugged it off and stayed close to Alex at all times, frequently holding his hand and kissing him on the cheek. He was so giddy with excitement that he didn’t care who would see what. Now that he was there at the festival, so close to their performance, he had all but forgotten about Kurt and Sebastian. All that mattered was that he was with Alex and that he would get to sing with the band soon.

When Alex was finally convinced that Jess was in good hands with Sam, Blaine dragged him to the backstage area to meet the other band members. They had already started to unload the gear and prepare for the performance.

“There you are,” Josh grumbled, carrying his bass drum. “Would it be too much to ask you lovebirds to help carry this stuff?” He seemed annoyed, but it wasn’t the old grumpy Josh.

After Alex’s temper tantrum, Blaine and Alex had sat down with Josh for a lengthy talk during which he’d apologized multiple times and promised to never say anything remotely homophobic ever again. Alex and Blaine knew that this was entirely impossible, but at least his intentions seemed sincere, so they’d made peace with him, much to Kyle and Eric’s relief.

Now, only half an hour before their biggest performance yet, Josh’s stage fright had taken over again and he was biting whatever was left of his fingernails whenever he didn’t have to carry a part of his drum set. Alex looked paler than usual as well. Kyle and Eric, in contrast, were joking around and Blaine, who had already warmed up his voice, was in some kind of a pre-performance trance, full of expectation. He was going through the setlist again and thought about what he would say between the songs.

The band that played right before them finally finished their last song and it was time to set up the gear on stage in record time. When everything was ready, the Mess members briefly met again backstage and formed their circle, something that had already become a tradition for them. While Josh usually did most of the talking during band practice, Blaine turned into a true frontman at shows.

“I have a really good feeling about this one, this is gonna be our best show yet! Also, it has to be because, this time, most of our friends are here,” Blaine said with a wink, “and who knows, probably some enemies as well. So let’s go and show them what a real Mess sounds like!”

As they were heading to the stage entrance, Blaine stopped Alex for a couple of seconds and kissed him. “I love you,” he whispered, feeling exuberant. The way Alex smiled at him and returned the words made Blaine feel even higher on endorphins than he already was.

Blaine waited until the other guys were at their instruments before entering the stage, so he could make a more spectacular entrance. He was well aware that Meticulous Mess was an unknown no-name band, but when given the opportunity to put on a show, Blaine would do exactly that in the best way possible.

When his band mates started to play the first chords of their first song, Blaine jumped to the middle of the stage with an unmatched self-confidence. He was wearing his leather jacket again, and, this time, it was actually not just a fashion statement, he was also glad to have it because it was windy and still April in Ohio. Still, he knew that he looked like a rockstar and he was determined to show the crowd that he had everything it takes to be one.

As soon as Blaine was holding the microphone, he was in his element. “Spring Cleaners, how are you doing? We’re Meticulous Mess from Lima and if you don’t know us yet, listen up!”

They started with one of their original songs again. Blaine enjoyed singing these songs the most because the lyrics had a very special meaning to him and their sound always made him feel proud of the whole band. He was thankful that, after so many years of singing cover songs, the band gave him the opportunity to show more of himself and his talents as a songwriter, not only as a vocalist.

While he was singing, Blaine focused on putting as much emotion as possible into his voice. Hitting the right notes wasn’t a problem and his own lyrics were etched in his memory, but it was still important to him to be concentrated at all times. He wanted to do this right, he wanted a perfect performance.

Only during instrumental parts, Blaine let his attention drift to the audience. He had never seen that many faces from a stage before. The sun was already hanging low over the horizon and its light had a reddish hue. Wherever he looked, people were having a good time. Blaine tried to make out some familiar faces, but he quickly had to focus on his singing again.

During a particularly difficult guitar solo, he had to sneak a look at Alex who was standing behind and a few feet to his left as usual. It was hard for Blaine to turn his head away again because Alex looked simply stunning. Now that he was playing his guitar, there was no trace of nervousness left. Alex’s beautiful fingers danced over the strings and he made it look as if playing his solos was the easiest thing in the world. His face was serious, focused, but unbelievably handsome in the orange gleam of sunset.

Blaine felt the urge to kiss Alex right there and then. Of course, he didn’t do it, not because he didn’t want to upset Josh, but because he knew that he had to be professional. This was not the time and place, but Blaine used the rush of affection to put even more feelings into his voice during _Blurry_ , one of the cover songs they’d kept on their setlist.

When he addressed the enthused audience before the next song, he finally spotted Jess and Sam with some other Glee kids in the third or fourth row right in front of the stage. They had probably moved closer during the first few songs because Blaine hadn’t seen them there earlier.

Next on the list was _Deeper Currents_ , a rock ballad with a very catchy bass line from Eric. The song had received the most plays online out of all the demos they had uploaded.

It was one of Blaine’s favorites to sing because it was particularly close to his heart. He had written the lyrics in early January, after spending that wonderful week with Alex during the winter break. Alex had been so sweet and innocent and, yet, despite the many kisses they’d shared, unapproachable in a way.

Blaine had put his heart into writing the song and he put his heart into singing the song now. As he was moving around on the stage, he tried not to turn towards Alex too often. He had to keep it professional, so Blaine looked for Sam and the others instead and found them quickly. The group of familiar faces had become larger. There were Tina and Mike. There was Rachel. And there was Kurt.

Blaine’s heart skipped a beat and his mind went eerily blank for a second. Somehow, he was able to finish the song, but he felt a feeling of cold panic creep through his body. Blaine had to focus intently on his breathing and on keeping up his nonchalant rockstar demeanor. He had wanted to be seen and admired. But now Kurt’s eyes were on him and he almost couldn’t bear it.

During the next song, Blaine tried not to look into the direction of his friends. Instead, he let his eyes rest on the people further back and gave them his sunniest smile. But all he got in return was a hateful look, sharp as a dagger. Sebastian was standing among some other guys from Dalton, obviously trying to kill Blaine with his death stare.

Blaine wished there was a secret trapdoor in the stage floor through which he could disappear this very instant. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of people down there celebrating him and the band, but these two guys among them, who probably wanted him dead, changed everything.

Okay, Blaine thought to himself, now it’s time to be Freddie again. The show must go on, even if you feel like crap. He took a deep breath, raised his chin and chest and put on his most triumphant smile.

He performed the following songs like a pro and was pretty sure that nobody in the crowd had noticed his inner turmoil. Maybe except for the people who knew him best, namely Alex and Sam. And Kurt.

The band’s last song was _Cough Syrup_ again. Singing it in front of Kurt, who had seen him perform the song at school for the very first time, was the peak of awkwardness. But Blaine reminded himself that he loved a challenge and he even felt composed enough again to look at Kurt.

Kurt was standing next to Rachel with his arms crossed. Earlier, he had looked pretty relaxed, but now, he seemed pensive, almost sad. Blaine wished he had asked the others to scratch the song off the list this time.

After the last chord had rung out, the crowd went wild with applause and sent shivers down Blaine’s spine. He had proven to himself that his talent to entertain was good enough to cover up his true feelings, but that didn’t change the fact that this show hadn’t been as enjoyable as expected. It had started out amazing, but then his past had caught up with him onstage, which was something that he shouldn’t have allowed to happen under any circumstances.

Backstage, after packing up their gear again, Kyle, Josh and Eric were bubbling over with joy. Blaine shared their smiles and high fives, but Alex knew that something was off.

“Are you okay? You seemed a bit tense during the second half,” Alex asked him with a low voice after Blaine had given him a fleeting kiss.

“Uhm, yeah, I mean... You saw them, too, right? Performing in front of Kurt _and_ Sebastian was weirder than I had expected. Was it that obvious that I wasn’t feeling comfortable?”

“Not really. I don’t think anyone noticed. But I get to watch you a lot when we play and I know your body language by now.”

“That’s just unfair. I want to be able to watch you, too, when we play. I’m gonna ask Josh if we can switch roles,” Blaine joked, trying to lighten up his own mood.

“Gosh, no. Have you heard him sing? I don’t wanna be associated with that band any longer if that ever happens,” Alex laughed and took Blaine’s hand. “Should we go and find Sam and the others? Or will that be too weird now, too?”

“No, it’s fine. I knew Kurt would be here and it doesn’t even matter, it’s just... weird,” Blaine explained and forced a smile.

“Just let me know when you wanna leave. I don’t think Jess would mind going home early. My parents can pick us up anytime.”

“Alright, thanks, but I wanna stay. I’m fine, really,” Blaine said, mostly trying to convince himself.

Blaine and Alex left the backstage area and found their friends near the food trucks. Sam had texted Blaine that they would be there.

Jess immediately threw her arms around Alex. “Sweetie, you were so amazing! I can’t believe how well you play now and you look so handsome on a stage like that. That is, you always look handsome, but you know what I mean. And Blaine, you were incredible! It really looks and sounds as if you guys had been doing this for years. You can consider me a real fan now,” she blurted with excitement.

“Thank you so much,” Blaine replied with genuine gratitude, but he was a little overwhelmed because Sam, Tina, and a few others had suddenly surrounded him and congratulated him all at once. He thanked them and put on a grateful smile, but, deep down, he was bracing himself for seeing Kurt again.

When the others had stopped patting his back and stepped back a little, Blaine looked around to see who else was there and, all of a sudden, he was locking eyes with his ex. His heart skipped another beat.

Kurt stood a few steps behind the others and smiled at him sheepishly. Blaine forced himself to smile back and contemplated what to do. He had gone over this moment in his head a million times before the festival, but now that it was actually happening, he felt lost. Just act like a grown-up, he thought to himself. So Blaine did what he thought he had to do and walked over to Kurt.

“Hey, it’s great to see you. It’s been a while,” Blaine said as casually as possible and gave Kurt an awkward hug.

Kurt let out an embarrassed giggle and his voice was particularly high when he replied, “Blaine! Yeah, great to see you, too. I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages. Frankly, I didn’t think that the next time I’d see you would be on a big stage like this, but that was a pretty impressive show!”

Blaine could tell that Kurt was feeling just as uncomfortable as he was, especially because he could tell that several friends were eying them. “I’m glad you enjoyed our show. Uhm... Do you feel like catching up a bit? We could go backstage, I can get us free drinks there.”

Kurt seemed to hold his breath for a few seconds, his eyes lowered. Finally, he smiled and said with determination, “Sure. Let’s escape from these vultures.” He gave his overly curious friends a disapproving look and followed Blaine.

After Blaine had managed to get a couple of beers, they walked to the backstage parking lot, probably the quietest place on the festival grounds. They stopped at Eric’s van and Blaine leaned against it. It had gotten dark, but there was enough light coming from the backstage area that they could see each other.

“So... How have you been?” Blaine looked at Kurt and tried to figure out what he was feeling. He couldn’t pin it down, it was just weird. He used to love this guy.

Kurt hesitated a moment before he replied. “Great, actually. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I got into NYADA.”

“Oh yeah, Rachel told me. Congratulations, that’s amazing! I knew you would get into that school eventually. It’s scandalous that you weren’t admitted earlier.”

Kurt chuckled and looked at his feet. “Thanks for saying that. I’m really glad it worked out. Classes are fun.” He looked at Blaine again with a careful smile on his lips. “You’re close to graduation now. Are you still planning on going to New York?”

Blaine had already received offers from some colleges, but he had been pushing off the decision so far. “I... I don’t know really. I haven’t decided what I’ll do.”

“Well, after seeing your show today, I really hope that you’ll do something on a stage.” Now that they were alone, Kurt’s smile had become more genuine. He looked at Blaine like... like he had done so many times before. There was still affection in his eyes. It made Blaine’s heart break a tiny bit.

“Thank you, that’s nice of you to say. Performing with these guys is really fun.” Blaine was flattered and felt himself blushing. He hoped that Kurt wouldn’t see or, at least, not misinterpret the color in his cheeks. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.

Kurt stepped a little closer with a smile that let Blaine’s pulse race out of habit and nostalgia. “It was great to hear your voice again. Did you write the songs yourself?”

“Yes, I mean, at least the lyrics. I contributed to some of the musical composition, too.”

“I only ever heard you sing covers, but it’s really no surprise to me that you can write songs, too. Oh, by the way, hearing you sing _Cough Syrup_ really rekindled some memories.” Kurt looked at Blaine with something that had to be expectation, or even hope.

“Uh, yeah, I still like that song. I guess it always reminds me of you, too.” Blaine instantly regretted saying that because Kurt stepped even closer and since the van was behind Blaine, he couldn’t get away, only press his back harder against the car.

Blaine’s heart was beating like crazy. At first, he’d feared that his old feelings had returned because he was face to face with Kurt again, but now he was sure that it was panic rather than anything else.

“Blaine, I... Seeing you perform was incredible. You looked so... alive. It made me realize that I missed you more than I should have.”

Before it happened, Blaine saw Kurt’s greenish eyes flash in the little light there was. Blaine couldn’t really do anything to avoid it. Kurt took the final step towards him and pressed his lips on his.

Blaine was paralyzed. He didn’t kiss Kurt back, but he didn’t push him away either. He let Kurt lean against him and work his mouth open. It felt so familiar and, for a second, it felt right for exactly that reason.

Blaine didn’t know how long it took him to bring his spinning mind under control and push Kurt away. Had there been the sound of someone’s footsteps on the gravel, someone running away? He wasn’t sure. He just knew that what had just happened was bad.

Kurt stared at him, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong, really?” Blaine let out a sigh and a bitter smile crossed his face. He felt anger well up inside him. “Why did you do that? You know, I tried everything to win you back half a year ago. I went all the way to New York _several times_. I know I broke your heart first, but you broke mine, too. And I moved on.”

Kurt looked terrified, jaw dropped. “I... I... Yes, you broke my heart and excuse me for not instantly forgiving you back then.” He now sounded angry as well. “But I think I finally have now and I thought that you were waiting for me to say that.”

“What the hell made you think that?” Blaine was just stunned.

Despite the lack of light, Blaine could see that Kurt’s face had gone pale. He sounded out of breath, agitated, as if he had just realized that he’d been fooled. “He... Sebastian... He told me that you wrote these songs about me and that you wanted to see me. That’s basically why I’m here.”

Now it was Blaine’s jaw that dropped. “How... why... what the fuck? What do you even have to do with Sebastian?”

Kurt shook his head in disbelief, obviously mad at himself for trusting a guy who was still his enemy after all. “I don’t know, he contacted me a while ago and proudly informed me that he had finally nailed you.” Kurt stared at Blaine with narrowed eyes, disgusted. “But he said that he didn’t really have a chance with you because you still weren’t over me.” He sighed. “Okay, I feel really dumb now, I don’t know why I believed him. I guess it seemed real because, when he admitted that he couldn’t have you, he seemed genuinely sad and I even felt sorry for him.”

“Okay... This is insane.” Blaine closed his eyes and let everything sink in. “So he told you about that, but he didn’t mention Alex?”

Kurt looked confused. “Well, he did, but he said that you were using him as a distraction until I...”

“Stop. I don’t even want to know more about this fucked up story. Obviously, Sebastian found a way to screw us all with one blow, but before any more harm can be done, I’m gonna tell you this.” Blaine was so stirred up, he felt tears well up in his eyes. “I went through hell after you told me that we’re done, I even had to see a fucking shrink. But I got over it and I’m with Alex now. I love him,” Blaine hissed with a wildness in his eyes that made Kurt take a step back. “If you really wanted me back, you could have contacted me much sooner. But you know what, I’m pretty sure that you don’t really want me. He somehow managed to plant this in your head, but it’s a fucking scam.”

Kurt’s eyes were lowered. He looked defeated. “Maybe you’re right,” he said with a low voice.

Blaine was trying hard to calm down. It wasn’t Kurt’s fault. Desperate to save the situation somehow, Blaine forced a smile. “Don’t you have a new boyfriend, too?”

Kurt met his eyes again and a faint grin lit up his face little. “I kind of do. It’s just... You still mean something to me.”

“You still mean something to me, too,” Blaine said softly and his smile was no longer forced. “I wish we could stay part of each other’s lives. But don’t you agree that we’ve both moved on? You’re living in New York, studying at NYADA. I’m still here, but so much has changed. In a good way. I’m really happy with the band. And with Alex.”

Blaine was relieved to see that Kurt seemed to relax, too. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” Kurt paused and looked down again. He contemplated something for quite a while. Eventually, he looked at Blaine with a sheepish smile on his face. “So I guess I have to say the inevitable now... Friends?”

“Friends,” Blaine confirmed with a wide grin and hugged Kurt close. It still felt a little weird, but, at least, it felt right now. It felt liberating. Maybe Kurt would be his friend instead of just his ex after all.

After catching up some more, they decided to walk back to their friends and were greeted with curious looks which they chose to ignore. Blaine didn’t see Alex, so he asked Jess if she knew where he was.

Jess seemed confused. “I thought he was with you. He said he would go backstage to look for you. That must have been at least half an hour ago.”

This time, Blaine’s heart didn’t just skip a beat. It felt like it basically stopped beating altogether.

The kiss. The sound of someone running away. While it had happened, Blaine’s mind had been blurry, but now the memories were sharp as a knife.

Alex had seen him and Kurt. He had seen the kiss.

Blaine’s head started to spin. He had to find Alex. He immediately tried to call him, but Alex didn’t pick up. Called again. Nothing. He sent him a text. And another one.

An overwhelming panic rushed through Blaine. He ran around asking everyone he knew if they had seen Alex, but nobody could help. He searched the backstage area and the parking lot, he even went up on stage and scanned the crowd from behind a giant speaker in the corner.

No trace of Alex. He was gone.


	15. Chapter 15

When Alex saw Blaine walk away with Kurt, an eerie feeling crept over him. It didn’t help that, only a minute later, Sebastian snuck up to him.

Without a warning, he grabbed Alex’s hips from behind and whispered in his ear, “You should keep an eye on your boy. He’s known to be a cheater and I bet, after a few minutes with his old flame, he will give in to his urges without a second thought.”

“Fuck off!” Alex hissed, escaped from Sebastian’s grip and quickly walked away from him without looking back. Unfortunately, Sebastian had succeeded in making him feel even worse.

When Alex went backstage to look for Blaine, he was shivering, not only because of the cold that the darkness had brought with it. Of course, Alex trusted Blaine, but he knew that Kurt’s presence had a strange impact on Blaine. He had seen it during the performance and Blaine had confirmed his assumption afterwards. Alex had to admit to himself that he was overcome by fear.

It didn’t take him long to find Blaine and Kurt in the backstage area. He saw Blaine hand Kurt a bottle of beer and then he watched them walk towards the dark parking lot. Alex felt bad about secretly following them, but he had to know what was going on. He stayed far behind them and when they stopped at Eric’s van, Alex hid behind a pickup truck about fifty feet away from them.

Blaine and Kurt didn’t talk very loudly and Alex caught only some of their words. The parking lot was dark, but Alex could see them both almost clearly because the lights from the stage were so bright. From behind the truck, he saw how Blaine was casually leaning against the van, Kurt in front of him, moving closer. Alex’s heart was racing. It almost felt unreal, as if he was in a bad movie or in some ridiculous dream.

And then it happened. Kurt closed the gap between Blaine and him. They kissed.

Something inside Alex shattered like glass. He was just standing there for a few seconds, staring, unable to move. Then, some kind of a reflex kicked in, he stumbled backwards, turned away and started to run. His legs were carrying him away from this nightmare, whereto, he didn’t know.

Alex passed the exit of the backstage parking lot and followed the dirt road blindly, racing as if wolves were after him. It was dark and he could barely make out the path, but Alex didn’t care if he fell and broke his bones, he just ran.

After several minutes, he slowed down, breathing hard. Thanks to an almost full moon and the light pollution of the distant city, Alex was able to see that he was surrounded by fields. He stepped off the road on a patch of grass and dropped to the ground. Lying in the grass, he looked up at the night sky with its spitefully glowing stars. Everything was spinning. It was quiet except for the occasional car driving by somewhere in the distance.

Alex tried to slow his breath and collect his thoughts. The image of Blaine and Kurt kissing was etched into his memory. Was it even a surprise? Not really. They were Blaine and Kurt. Kurt and Blaine. He should have known that what they had would never be over. Who knows what else happened after he’d run away. Sadly, Sebastian was probably right after all.

It seemed so obvious now that the time Alex had spent with Blaine had been borrowed. The feelings involved had been too good to be true. Blaine had made him feel as if he’d been given a second life, one in which he was actually allowed to be happy. How foolish of him. Why would his second life be any better than the one he’d left behind, the one he had not been able to bear any longer? He felt tears stream down the sides of his face.

Suddenly, Alex’s phone started to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen that was so bright, it hurt his eyes. Blaine. Alex’s stomach turned. He sat up and stared at the name on the screen. Fuck you, he thought. Fuck you, asshole. I fucking hate you. A wave of rage washed over him and he threw his phone away as far as he could.

He was back in the dark, his phone’s bright display and the name on it still flashing before his eyes when he closed them. But then, he saw Blaine and Kurt kissing again and more hot tears rolled down his cheeks. He started to sob and shake. Why was this happening? It hurt so much. He wished he had never met Blaine. Did he really get another shot at life just to get hurt again?

Alex didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the grass, but at some point, he felt himself sober up. His relationship was over and he had lost the only person he had ever really loved. So what, deal with it. Somehow, Alex had gone numb. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. Probably a mechanism of self-protection.

He wiped the last tears off his face and got up. Jess. Jess was probably still at the festival. He would have to go back and take her home. All of a sudden, he felt very stupid for throwing away his phone, but there was no way of finding it in the dark, so he just started to walk back in the direction he thought he had come from.

After fifteen minutes, Alex could hear music again and see the distant lights of the festival. He paused for a moment. Could he really go back there? What if Kurt and Blaine were still there? He wouldn’t be able to bear seeing them together. Jess, Alex thought. He had to get to Jess, so he walked on. That was about when he heard someone calling his name.

Somebody was coming in his direction on the dark dirt road, a light, probably from a phone, dancing in front of him. That somebody was calling his name. Alex would know this voice among a million others. It was Blaine.

Alex froze. The light and the voice were coming closer. For a second, Alex thought about turning around and running again, but he knew that wouldn’t save him from getting dumped either. He thought he might as well get it over with.

The light was now so close, it blinded Alex’s sore eyes. As soon as Blaine recognized Alex, he ran towards him and flung his arms around him. Blaine smelled different, probably like Kurt. Alex felt sick.

“Oh god, honey, I’ve been looking for you for at least an hour. Fortunately, somebody saw you leaving the parking lot.” Blaine sighed into Alex’s right ear with relief.

Honey. Was Blaine going to pretend that nothing had happened? Was he going to play some sick game with him? Alex couldn’t stand it. He tore Blaine’s arms off him and forcefully pushed him away.

The phone flashlight was off now, but Alex could still see Blaine’s shocked expression with the little light that reached them all the way from the festival grounds.

Alex had started to tremble with rage. “Fuck you!” he spat at Blaine. “What the fuck do you want? Still need me for some nice little hookups while Kurt is in New York?”

Blaine took a deep breath and dared take a step towards him. “Alex, listen, I know what you saw, but...”

“Oh, you know what I saw. What did I see, huh? The Glee Club dream team back together, congratulations! You know what, have a great life together, I’m not interested in any details.” Alex pulse was racing with rage. He knew he was close to the point where he would lose control. He turned away from Blaine to hide his tears.

“Alex, listen to me,” Blaine said with determination and was suddenly next to Alex. He grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled him around, so he had to face him. “You saw Kurt kiss me, but it didn’t mean anything, not even to him. It was nothing.”

Alex tried to free his arm from Blaine’s grip, but it didn’t work and he started to panic. “Let me go!” he yelled, tears of pain and anger clouding his eyes. “Let me fucking go!”

Blaine looked desperate again. He eventually loosened his grip and let Alex pull his arm away. “Alex, please,” he said with a weak, shaky voice. “Please, you have to believe me. I love you. Only you.”

Alex was overwhelmed with sobbing. It took a moment until he could speak again. “Why do you even bother telling me these lies? Did Jess ask you to? Is she afraid that I’m gonna try to kill myself again if you don’t?”

Blaine stared at Alex, horror-stricken. “What... what did you just say?”

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Not what Alex did, not what Blaine thought about him. Between sobs, Alex managed to say with a broken voice, “Don’t act like you don’t know anything about it. You know that I’m a fucking nutcase.”

“Alex, what...?” Blaine stammered, still staring in terror.

The red rage was everywhere, in every single cell of Alex’s body. It wanted to hurt Blaine. It wanted him to suffer.

Alex managed to get the sobbing under control and let out a bitter chuckle. “Okay, here’s what happened. Long story short. My best friend Hannah slit her wrists and died. I was one of the reasons why she did it. All the other people who were responsible, too, didn’t care enough and I couldn’t deal with it. Life sucks and then you die. I couldn’t wait for that to happen and blew a bullet through my head. Obviously, I was even too dumb to do that right and now I’m here, getting fucked over by you. Sad, sad story, isn’t it?” Alex spat and glared at Blaine. He was so frustrated and full of pain, he almost couldn’t take it.

Blaine just stared. Many things were written all over his face. Terror, pain, sadness, and, worst of all, something that Alex took for pity. “What? Oh Alex... I can’t... Is your scar...?”

Alex nodded coldly. He’d thought he would feel satisfaction after hurting Blaine with his secret, but he didn’t. He was just frustrated and bruised, wishing the numbness would return, but it didn’t. Actually, there was even a slightly positive feeling now, slowly pushing some of the anger aside. It was relief. He had just told Blaine his darkest secret, something he’d thought he would never be able to do. But did it even matter now that everything was over?

Blaine still stared at him, his eyes moist now. He hesitated for another moment, but then he stepped up to Alex and hugged him again, this time so tightly as if he never wanted to let go again. Alex felt Blaine shake with sobs, tears running down Alex’s neck where Blaine’s face was pressed against him. This time, Alex didn’t fight him. He suddenly felt very powerless.

They were standing like this for several minutes. Blaine’s sobs gradually died down, but he still held Alex close in his arms. Alex kept trying to make sense of Blaine’s reaction. Why did he even care?

Blaine eventually loosened his embrace, grabbed Alex’s shoulders and looked deep into his eyes. “Alex,” Blaine said with a shaky voice. “I’m glad you finally told me. I really didn’t know what you were keeping from me and I thought it was probably bad, but this is just... Oh my god, I can’t express how glad I am that you survived and that you found me somehow.”

Alex still didn’t understand why Blaine had come looking for him. “Why does that even matter now?”

Blaine’s eyes were still moist and glistened like crystals, pure and terribly beautiful. “Listen, I don’t know what else to tell you because if you don’t want to believe me, I guess I can’t change that. But I swear that I love you, and that I want to be with you and nobody else, and that I’m so damn grateful for you. You have changed my life for the better in so many ways.”

Something inside him told Alex that he had to be cautious, but Blaine’s eyes looked so honest, his voice sounded so sincere. Alex wanted to believe him so badly. A familiar, comforting warmth started to rise up in Alex’s chest and slowly spread through him. He felt his rage crumble bit by bit.

With a very low voice, Alex whispered, “I love you, too.” But please don’t fool me, please don’t hurt me, he thought.

As if Blaine had heard his begging and as if he wanted to prove that he wouldn’t do any of that, he kissed Alex gently with so much affection, it just couldn’t be fake. It felt so good that Alex realized he had no other option than to risk everything and trust Blaine again. He just had to. He kissed Blaine back and all he could think about was them. The image of Blaine and Kurt was all but a bad memory, a horrible misunderstanding.

Eventually, they let go of each other and Blaine took Alex’s hand. “Would you walk back with me? We probably both look terrible right now, swollen, red eyes and so on, but Jess might be getting worried.”

Alex nodded with a soft smile, biting his lower lip. As they were walking back hand in hand, he felt light, as if he’d stepped out of some deep, dark cave into the sunlight. “We’ll just tell the others that we did drugs like real rockstars.”

Blaine laughed out loud and squeezed Alex’s hand tightly.

Even though Alex was feeling better now, he still didn’t understand what had happened. “So... I still don’t get what that kiss was all about. If it didn’t mean anything to Kurt, why did he kiss you?”

Blaine sighed. “Is it enough if I just say Sebastian?”

Alex looked at Blaine in disbelief. “For real now? Okay, maybe I don’t want to know more.”

“If you want, I’ll tell you all about his latest evil plan later, but for now, maybe it’s enough to say that it failed. Thanks to him, Kurt and I finally feel like we can be friends. I highly doubt that we’ll be besties like you and Jess, but it’s still a good feeling. Well, I guess Sebastian’s plan didn’t fail completely because he actually managed to freak you and me out, but all’s well that ends well.”

“Freak me out?” Alex snorted. “Understatement of the century! I even threw my fucking phone away on some field.”

“You did what? Oh man. We’ll have to go back tomorrow and look for it. Ugh... I’m so sorry.” Blaine stopped walking when they had just reached the parking lot and looked at Alex with pleading eyes.

“It’s just a phone,” Alex said with a chuckle.

“No, I’m sorry for what you went through tonight because of Sebastian. Because of me. I’m so, so sorry.” Blaine’s eyes were moist again.

Alex sighed and smiled sheepishly. “I guess I totally overreacted. I feel stupid... And I shouldn’t have told you what I did to myself. Not like that.”

“I’m glad you told me though,” Blaine whispered and kissed Alex again.

It was funny how one could go from the top of the world down to the depths of despair and up again to the top in only a few hours. But in love, things like that were possible. Love, that strange emotion that can make one feel utterly vulnerable and invincible at the same time. At that moment, more than ever, Alex realized that, like everyone else, he was paying a high price for love. But it was so worth it.

* * *

Blaine didn’t let go of Alex for the rest of the night. His hand rested on Alex’s shoulder when he introduced him to Kurt, his arms were wrapped around Alex’s waist while they were watching the last band of the night and he held his hand tightly while they were walking back to Eric’s van.

Even though it hadn’t been planned, Blaine spent the night at Alex’s. Jess was staying in the guest room, so it wasn’t a problem. In bed, Alex was lying in Blaine’s arms, none of them ready to sleep yet after such an eventful day. Blaine told Alex over and over again how relieved and thankful he was. A major Sebastian-induced relationship crisis had been overcome, he had made peace with Kurt, the feedback on his band’s performance had been great, and Alex was alive.

Blaine still couldn’t quite grasp that the latter was something he could no longer take for granted. Alex’s confession had thrown him completely off course. Apparently, Alex was still feeling bad about bringing up the matter so bluntly. While they were cuddled up in bed, he told Blaine more about Hannah, the good and the bad, and how her suicide had been the start of the worst downward spiral of his life.

Jess, Alex and Hannah had been best friends until Jess and Alex had secretly started dating and avoided Hannah more and more. The story was long and painful, but now that the boundary had been crossed, Alex invited Blaine into his past without hesitation. The way he talked about what happened, so matter-off-factly, was shocking to Blaine and he couldn’t help but tear up again. But Blaine appreciated Alex’s honesty and trust, yet another thing to be thankful for.

Alex soon fell asleep in Blaine’s arms. Blaine was too stirred up to sleep, but that was okay. He listened to Alex’s breathing in the dark and appreciated it for the wonder it was. Alex was alive. That was all that mattered. When his arm started to hurt under Alex’s weight, Blaine didn’t move a bit.

In the morning, Blaine covered Alex with kisses and made pancakes for everyone. Despite the lack of sleep, he felt elated, as if he could conquer the world. He had a plan.

Before Jess had to fly back home in the evening, they went back to the festival to see some of the afternoon performances. Blaine left the others after a while to look for somebody. Five minutes later, he had already found him. Sebastian.

Blaine walked up to him with a serious expression on his face, but it was far from hostile. “I’m coming in peace,” he said calmly, but determined. “Can we talk?”

At first, Sebastian looked surprised, but it didn’t take him long to put on his smug grin. “If, by _talk_ , you mean make out on the parking lot, then I’m all in.Hey, did your little angel show up again? I heard he pulled a disappearing act last night. You should take better care of him. It’s dangerous for girls to be out there, all alone in the dark.”

Blaine took a deep breath. He had to stay composed. “Look. I’m not here to listen to your bullshit. I know what you did and it sucked, but it doesn’t matter now. I want to apologize to you.”

Sebastian’s smirk faded into a frown. He didn’t seem to understand what was going on.

“I’m sorry for how I treated you when you told me about your feelings. I’m sorry for using you, even though it was never my intention. I’m also sorry for punching you.” Blaine’s expression had become softer, almost begging. “I’m truly sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to make up for what I did, except for telling you that I respect you and I wish we could be friends, but I understand if that’s not possible.”

Sebastian stared at Blaine in shock. When the words had sunk in, he averted his eyes, trying to hide whatever was going through his head. Seconds later, he looked back up, his expression was full of regret. “Thank you for saying that. Maybe you’re less of an asshole than I thought you were. Which doesn’t really make things easier.” Sebastian took a deep breath and seemed to work hard on playing cool again. “Okay. Fine. I forgive you. But promise me that I’ll be the first guy you text whenever you feel like cheating on Blondie.”

Blaine sighed and shook his head, smiling. “Okay, I promise. But that’s never gonna happen.”

“We’ll see...” Sebastian’s smirk was back and, for the first time, Blaine was glad to see it.

Blaine didn’t dare hug him, so instead, they had a drink together to seal their truce and talked about the bands at the festival for a while, just like normal people. At last at that moment, their peace felt real.

Later, when Alex had to drive Jess to the airport, Blaine and Sam came along to say goodbye. It was obvious that Jess and Sam liked each other, but, officially, they both agreed that the distance between Lima and Crestmont was a dealbreaker. Blaine didn’t believe them at all and secretly already pictured himself as their wedding planner.

On the following weekend, Blaine had the house to himself again and it went without saying that Alex would be there. On Friday night, after composing half a new song and watching two episodes of _Arrow_ , they ended up in Blaine’s bed, shirtless and breathless.

Blaine was on top of Alex, their tongues circling each other in a heated kiss, while Blaine worked on removing Alex’s pants as well as his own.

“How did we manage to sleep in the same bed last Saturday without doing this?” Blaine asked, followed by a moan when Alex grabbed his balls with one hand.

“We were both impotent emotional wrecks that night. I guess it’s time to make up for that now,” Alex replied with a seductive smile and made Blaine moan again by squeezing his balls and sliding his left hand along his hard cock.

Blaine enjoyed the sensation of Alex’s fingertips on his skin. They were rough and calloused, reminding Blaine of their magic ability to turn steel into music.

He sat back between Alex’s legs and enjoyed the view of his boyfriend’s erect cock for a moment. Hungrily, he bent down and started to kiss his balls and lick up the shaft, taking in the salty taste he could never get enough of. “Mmm, I can’t wait to feel you inside me...”

Between moans, Alex let out, “Can you, though?”

Blaine stopped licking and looked up at Alex, irritated. With a quick move, he was back on top of Alex. “What do you mean, babe?”

Alex had a sheepish smile on his lips. “Can you wait, maybe until next time?”

“Oh, you don’t want to...?”

“No, it’s just... I want to feel _you_... inside _me_ ,” Alex clarified, carefully observing Blaine’s reaction.

Blaine was pleasantly surprised, but then again, he wasn’t surprised at all. It had just been a matter of time and time was something he had been happy to give. He bit his lower lip to suppress a grin, but it didn’t help. It was impossible to hide his excitement.

“You look like that’s okay for you... Is it?” Alex asked shyly.

“Okay?” Blaine was both amused and touched by Alex’s sudden insecurity. “Honey, it would be my pleasure to fulfill this wish.” A short moment later, he had a bottle of lube in his hand and looked down at Alex with a hint of sorrow. “But you tell me the second I should stop, okay?”

Alex nodded and pulled Blaine back down to kiss him deeply. Feeling Alex’s tongue sliding against his and the expectation of what was going to happen drove him wild with lust.

Blaine laid down next to him and started to stroke Alex’s hard cock. As he moved his hand further down to caress Alex’s balls, Blaine carefully observed his face. Alex was relaxed and seemed to thoroughly enjoy his touch, even when Blaine applied some lube to his fingers and started to massage the area around Alex’s hole, slowly moving towards the middle.

In Blaine’s head, all synapses were going haywire. On the one hand, he couldn’t wait to finally be inside Alex and fuck, on the other hand, he didn’t want to hurt him and tried to be as gentle as if he was handling a baby bird.

When Blaine pushed the first finger inside, he was prepared to remove it again immediately, but Alex still looked comfortable, almost impatient. It didn’t take long until a second finger fit in.

Blaine was surprised. “Are you sure you’re doing this for the first time?” he asked with a grin.

Alex was breathing in and out deeply, trying to stay as relaxed as possible, completely focused on the new sensation. He still blushed a bit when he replied, “I may have practiced a bit. Like, with myself.”

Blaine let his fingers slip out and dropped his jaw with mock outrage. “What? You practiced without me? Sneaky!”

“Man, I don’t know if you can even remember the feeling considering your broad experience, but this is pretty scary if you haven’t done it before,” Alex countered with a cheeky smile. “Now go on.”

Blaine chuckled and did as he was told. He realized that he didn’t have to be all too careful, so he got a little more courageous and tried to find the sweet spot. It didn’t take long until Alex was moaning like never before.

Alex grabbed Blaine’s arm to make him stop, his eyes were full of longing. “I think I’m ready...”

Blaine’s pulse was racing as he distributed a huge portion of lube on his rock-hard dick. He leaned forward and supported his upper body with one arm. Still watching Alex’s reactions carefully, he used his other hand to guide his cock towards Alex’s entrance.

Blaine hesitated briefly, but then his body just couldn’t wait any longer. He started to slowly thrust into Alex, bit by bit. It felt so good, he wanted nothing more but to go in all the way, but he was still waiting for Alex to tell him to stop.

“Are you okay? I don’t wanna hurt you...”

Alex's face had looked tense for a second, but he nodded and whispered, “Go on...”

Blaine pulled back slowly, only to thrust a little deeper the next time, and even deeper after that. When his cock was fully inside for the first time, he couldn’t suppress a moan. The intensity of the feeling was almost too much, he knew that he wouldn’t last long this time. It was just too amazing. He hadn’t topped in quite a while and Alex’s tight ass felt unbelievable. Blaine tried to hit the spot he had discovered with his fingers earlier and succeeded in making Alex pant and moan even more.

Their bodies were both covered in sweat when Blaine felt that he couldn’t last any longer. He considered pulling out for a moment, but no, he wanted to be inside Alex when it happened, fill him up, mark him as his own.

Alex buried his right hand in Blaine’s hair and pulled him down, into a passionate, wet, open-mouthed kiss. Blaine couldn’t take it anymore. The amazing feeling in his dick, in his head, simply everywhere in his body, peaked in an explosion of bliss.

Blaine rested his forehead against Alex’s, eyes closed, panting. After catching his breath, he carefully pulled his cock out of Alex’s hole and smiled at him, almost apologetically, hoping that he was okay. At some point, Blaine’s intense desire had taken over control of him and his fear of hurting Alex had been forgotten. Blaine felt sorry for it now.

“How are you, babe?” he asked with a gentle, low voice and laid down next to Alex. “I’m sorry if I went too fast or too deep, but you felt so amazing, I kind of lost control...”

Much to Blaine’s relief, Alex smiled. His blue eyes were shining with affection. “I’d lie if I said it didn’t hurt at all. Your size is pretty intimidating for a first-timer. But man, I have to say you certainly have a talent for finding the sweet spot. A little longer and I think I could have come, too.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Blaine apologized, feeling a little embarrassed despite the praise. “You just felt too good, I couldn’t...”

“It’s okay, I definitely know what _that_ feels like.” Alex leaned over to kiss Blaine softly. “And now I also know why you’re into _this_. I insist on practicing regularly from now on.”

Blaine’s face was lit up by a broad grin. “Absolutely! But now let me make up for what my impatient dick didn’t achieve...” Blaine gave Alex a quick kiss on the lips and climbed back between his legs to give him the thorough blowjob he deserved.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Blaine and Alex were hanging out in the basement after band practice. Alex was sitting on a couch with his acoustic guitar and played some of his new ideas for Blaine next to him, who was listening and watching in awe.

Alex stopped playing and gave Blaine an inquisitive look. “What do you think?”

Blaine had a dreamy smile on his face. “I like that you bleached your hair again.”

Alex responded to the compliment with an embarrassed chuckle. “Thanks, but I meant...”

“You are fucking beautiful, you know. Everything about you.” Blaine’s eyes were full of affection and sincerity.

For a moment, Alex was at a loss of words. His body was suddenly feeling very warm, especially his cheeks. “Uhm, thanks? I think you’re fucking hot.”

“Come on, I’m trying to be romantic. I know _you_ only want me for my body... But no, seriously, Alex.” Blaine moved closer, took the guitar out of Alex’s hands and set it aside. Then he took Alex’s hands and looked him deep in the eyes. “I love you so much.”

Alex’s heart was beating faster. He didn’t know what was happening. “Uhm... Something’s going on. Are you going to propose now?”

There was a radiant smile on Blaine’s face. “No, not yet, but I wanna tell you something.”

“Okay... What is it?” Despite Blaine’s lovey-dovey demeanor, Alex was bracing himself for the worst.

“I’m going to study at Ohio State. I got into the teaching program.” Blaine’s smile was so contagious that the corners of Alex’s mouth went up as well, but inside, he felt his heart sink.

“That’s... great news,” Alex replied dryly and Blaine seemed to be irritated by the lack of enthusiasm.

The expression of positive expectation on Blaine’s face faded. “Aren’t you happy about that?”

Alex lowered his gaze to their hands, Blaine’s were still holding his. “I saw the letters on your desk last weekend. You’ve been admitted to UCLA and NYU. A while ago, you were gushing about both their music programs.” Ever since, Alex had been trying to accept that Blaine would pick one of them and go far, far away. But now that Blaine had surprised him with an entirely different choice, he couldn’t be happy either. He had the terrible feeling that Blaine was going to waste his talent because of him. It made him feel guilty and sad.

Blaine frowned. “So? I told you I was leaning towards something closer to home and I’ve made my decision. I’m gonna get away from my parents, but I’ll still be close to you. It’s perfect.”

Alex sighed in frustration. “I think if you hadn’t met me, you would have never passed on such a great opportunity. You are so talented and you love music. I would never be able forgive myself if I was the reason why you gave up on your dreams.” Blaine looked terribly disappointed for a moment and Alex’s heart broke a little bit at the sight. “I love you so much as well, but you really shouldn’t compromise your goals for me.”

It didn’t take Blaine long to overcome his disappointment and smile at Alex with his usual optimistic determination. “If I hadn’t met you, I’d be so lost, I wouldn’t probably go to college at all. I thought about this a lot and I decided that I don’t have to spend a shitload on money on something I’m already good at. What’s the use of a music degree if I already have an awesome band? I believe in our potential, we could really go places. Even if Eric drops out after graduation in the summer, Josh, Kyle and you are still going to be around for at least another year and I want to continue what we started.”

The hopeful, happy sparkle in Blaine’s eyes was back and made Alex’s heart melt. “Okay... If that’s true then...”

“Babe, I truly think that this is what will make me the happiest, so that’s what I’ll have to do, don’t you think? Also, Ohio State is a great school as well.”

Alex suddenly felt a lot lighter. Ever since he’d seen the letters, he’d secretly prepared himself for eventually losing Blaine to one of the coasts and to a career that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with. Blaine’s decision was surprising, but if it was really what he wanted, why should Alex forbid himself to be happy about it as well? It was, after all, the best possible outcome for him. Even if Blaine moved to Columbus, they could still see each other all the time.

“Okay, let’s rewind.” Alex couldn’t keep himself from smiling, now that the relief was finally sinking in. “That’s great news!” he repeated, this time sincerely, and he leaned in to meet Blaine in a tight embrace. Breathing in his scent and knowing that Blaine would stay close made Alex feel home and whole.

Everything that had happened – self-destructive desperation, bad decisions, break-ups, denial, insecurities, and heartbreak – had all been worth it. It had led Blaine and Alex exactly to this moment, into each other’s arms, loving and being loved, trusting that the future would be bright.


End file.
